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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our Doctor was shitty with me this morning. Was IBU, or was he?

77 replies

AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 14:37

My DD1 (10) had asthma diagnosed when she was about 4, until 2 years ago when she was prescribed Piriton she had 3 or 4 chest infections a year, after taking Piriton it's now about 1 or 2 a year.

This involves her being so out of breath she can't walk up the stairs/talk, really listless, pale, coughing all day/night.

It's awful to see your normally energetic DC regularly in such a state.

I've estimated that she's probably had 20 odd chest infections so far, so I know the symptoms very well because they're the same every time.

I took her to the Doctors this morning and when he asked me what he could do for us I said 'I think she has another chest infection', and he said 'Don't tell me she has a chest infection, I'll tell you what's wrong with her', and to say he was annoyed would be an understatement.

The reason this phrase made me angry (and I'm paraphrasing what I said to him) was because sometimes when I've taken her along saying the same thing (not sure how many times), they've said 'It's just a cold making her asthma worse, antibiotics won't help'.

So we've gone away, the asthma has got worse and we go back two days later (after watching her suffer), they give us antibios and it starts clearing up after another couple of days.

I know it's not just a cold and the antibios aren't just coincidently working, and I understand Doctors don't like people googling symptoms and telling them their job, but I don't see this as the same thing.

I just see it as easier for me to say 'I think she has a chest infection' than go through the same thing every single time, he can confirm she has or that he thinks she doesn't.

The Doctor we saw was one of two we see, we've been going for 8 years, I trust him because he's always so caring and doesn't rush you.

I was angry at the time but didn't raise my voice or let it creep into my tone. I'm sure of this. By the end of the appointment he was talking really kindly to us as per normal.

But now I'm upset at the way he was, perhaps he was having a bad day or is generally pissed off at me saying she has a chest infection and not phrasing it as 'Her asthma is bad'. Perhaps he just had some bad news or something? I don't know Sad

DD1 was Shock at him, and says she's glad I spoke up and said something, she also believes he was shitty straight off (and not because I've spun it that way to her).

So was IBU to say 'I think she has a chest infection'? Given that I know DD1's asthma like the back of my hand, and if I go away without antibios DD1 has another at least 4 days of agonising breathing.

Was I right to answer the Doctor back and explain why I said it? He didn't take it very well, but I thought he was out of order at the time.

I'm dreading her being ill again with it, I don't really want to change doctors after all this time, and as I've said I really trust and like the practice, how can I deal with it?

I'm totally open to being told I was unreasonable, and I would appreciate objective views.

Sorry it's long, I'm trying not to drip feed.

OP posts:
lessnarkypuffin · 08/02/2011 14:40

They don't like being told. Even if you know full well what's wrong.

Better to say you're worried, she's coughing up phlegm that's dark green/brown etc.

3timesalady · 08/02/2011 14:42

You're not being unreasobale at all. Next time, maybe start with "I know you must hate it when people claim to know the answer already, but I've had years of DD symptoms & I'm pretty sure that...." You know, kinda sweeten him up. If he's arsey again, I'd question him as to why you can't join in the discussion of your dd (she is your child after all)...sadly, Dr's think they're infallible at times & I can't be doing with that attitude - it's disrespectful.

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 14:42

He was just being a bit grumpy by the sounds of it, and you say he was fine by the end of the appointment.

Docs probably do get fed up of a stream of patients going in who have googled their own symptoms and think they dont need his expertise in a diagnosis. (Not for a moment saying that is the case for you at all.. but you may have been the third or fourth this morning who has gone in saying they "know" what is wrong IYSWIM.

I have read your OP though and not sure what it was you actually said to him after that menat you were standing up to him?

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 14:43

menat = meant :)

Pinkx3 · 08/02/2011 14:43

YANBU in my opinion. That is prob what I would have said too if it was a recurring problem. Perhaps he was just having a bad day like you said

GoldenGreen · 08/02/2011 14:45

yanbu at all

Even if someone has googled and self diagnosed and is wrong - the doctor's job is to say - "what makes you think that?" and ask appropriate questions.

He was rude. As you normally trust him, I wouldn't make a big deal of it but you were not wrong to challenge it.

ShatnersBassoon · 08/02/2011 14:47

Six and two threes, I think. You probably should have given him the chance make his own diagnosis before offering your opinion, and he shouldn't have snapped at you.

Feelingsensitive · 08/02/2011 14:47

YANBU but if he is normally fine put it down to him having bad day. We all have them!

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 14:50

Thanks for your answers.

Bubble, I said to him about what happens if she goes away for two days to wait and see if it gets worse before taking the antibios (bearing in mind that I've already waited a couple of days to see if it is just a cold).

That I know the symptoms of a chest infection as they're the same each time, and if the Doctor diagnoses a chest infection the other times, and if she has the same symptoms twice yearly, then that's what I think it might be again.

And a couple of other things kind of answering what he was saying.

He could tell I was miffed at the way he talked to me, and was just as miffed back.

It was an awful atmosphere.

OP posts:
MrsGangly · 08/02/2011 14:51

20 chest infections a year does not sound bacterial to me, so I would be surprised about that. Far more likely is that it is related to viral infections or allergic exacerbations.

However, should someone come to see me with "I think she has a chest infection", I would generally ask, "Why do you think that?"

As for telling us the phlegm is brown or green, lying to us to get inappropriate antibiotics isn't a great idea, but we also are aware when we are being lied to!

sloggies · 08/02/2011 14:52

I have heard they get naffed off with people who go in with a diagnosis - if I think its something in particular I try and say something along the lines of "I'm wondering if it is the plague(insert illness here). I do think some Dr's have ishoos with strong women, but that's a whole new thread!

MrsGangly · 08/02/2011 14:53

Sorry, misread the 20 times thing.

clairefromsteps · 08/02/2011 14:53

YANBU at all. He should see from her notes that she has recurrent chest infections and, on the basis that you're not a complete div, assume that you might be able recognise the symptoms yourself by now.

The Daily Fail are always whinging about '£36,000 spent on sending doctors on communications skills courses' and the like, but the truth is that a hell of a lot of them need it!

MrsGangly · 08/02/2011 14:54

And doctors don't have issues with 'strong women'. What nonsense! About half of the medical profession is made up of 'strong women'.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/02/2011 14:55

YANBU

Maybe he had just had a bad day, but you didn't say "she has a chest infection" - you said "I think she has one".

And he should listen

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 14:56

If you really think he was having a bad day, I'm just glad I'm not a vulnerable person, because I feel pretty upset, but that would be worse.

The problem with me not saying about a chest infection is the time it takes.

It's like a script if I don't say it taking an age, and I know they need to be sure and check everything each time, but (and I don't know if I'm in the wrong) I would push for antibios to stop DD1 being in such a state for two extra days, in which time it's getting worse and worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 14:57

Not 20 infections a year MrsG, 3/4 a year going down to 1/2 a year, so 20 over her lifetime.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 08/02/2011 14:57

I think some doctors like you to be a bit humble. OTOH, they probably do get some arsey fuckwits trying to tell them how to do their jobs. But they ought to be able to tell the difference

geraldinetheluckygoat · 08/02/2011 14:58

i think she said twenty chest infections ever, Mrs Gangly, two per year or thereabouts Smile

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 14:58

Didn't see you've seen it's not 20 a year Smile

OP posts:
geraldinetheluckygoat · 08/02/2011 14:58

oh x posts sorry

Tolalola · 08/02/2011 14:59

Sounds like he was a bit shirty, but if it was just right at the beginning of the appointment, then I think I would suppose that he'd spent the whole morning having one patient after another 'telling' him their diagnoses.

I'm sure it wasn't personal.

Btw: you didn't 'tell' him she had a chest infection, you said you 'thought' she had a chest infection. You are allowed to have an opinion. Drs lives would be hell if every patient went in saying that they had absolutely no idea what was wrong with them.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/02/2011 15:00

Re-reading it does sound like he was having a bad day.

Boozilla · 08/02/2011 15:00

I go through this with my DS. He's currently on the list to have his tonsils out and gets tonsillitis at least once every 2 months. I know the signs, I see it coming and the last time I went was when his temperature just started to rise and we were going away for a week.

I just said that I appreciate I am not the doctor in the room but that I know my son, I know his symptoms and that I can either come back in 2 days when his tonsils are inflamed and covered in pus or he can give me the antibiotics now and we can still have our holiday.

He gave me 2 bottles of dry penicillin powder, one for this infection and one for the next. Sure enough, the next morning DS's tonsils were covered in white spots and I started him on the meds immediately. He was much better than previous episodes and recovered much more quickly because we nipped it in the bud before it really took hold.

Can you talk to another doctor? It may be that he was having a bad day but to a certain extent doctors should (and do in my experience) trust that a parent knows their child. It's a difficult one as obviously doctors can't just hand out antibiotics like free chocolate samples but in your case I would have thought the GP would have enough of a relationship with you to explore various possibilities rather than just shooting you down.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 08/02/2011 15:01

This particular Doctor has always been bloody lovely, as I said really caring and kind, never rushes you. Even asks about DD2 and how she's getting on.

What I would think of as a stereotypical country family doctor.

I'm not sure I can look him in the eye again Sad

OP posts: