My husband is adopted. He is a grown man (obv.!) and quite comfortable with his life and adoptive background etc. He is grateful that his BM gave him his life but feels that is as far as it goes.
I respect that entirely, but since we had our dc (who is my world) I can't get how she must feel out of my head. I suppose I am madly grateful to her for creating and allowing to live (as opposed to alternative) my Dh who I adore.
Thing is I know she tried to contact him when he was 18. He didn't respond as he wasn't personally interested and didn't want to upset his mum and dad.
So I know she is out there wondering.
Or I imagine that anyway.
As he has pointed out, she may have put it all behind her as that was years ago and any contact on our part could have untold unforeseen consequences in her life which we know nothing about.
I know he is right, or might be right. I know my own dc is affecting my feelings on the matter. I know I have no choice in it.
I keep dwelling on it though as I can't imagine the torture of not knowing of your child is OK or not.
At the end of the day it is his choice and he has sound reasons for not contacting her. We have discussed it.
Is anyone out there who gave a child up but who would rather let it lie than have it all brought up again? I think it would help me tune it out if I thought she wasn't out there chewing herself inside out.
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Not ^my^ birthmother but... WWYD?
42 replies
Empathylass · 04/02/2012 15:52
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