PITT: Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans

[BreadInCaptivity]

I couldn't find a thread with reference to this resource.

I've linked below to the particularly powerful testimony of one parent whose daughter came out as trans 6 months after her son had been diagnosed with leukaemia.

It's imho an excellent piece of writing that contrasts well evidenced/researched life saving medical intervention for cancer with its polar opposite in respect of gender affirmative medical "care".

It's well worth a read and contains links to useful reference material and research.

Testimonies from other parents are also documented and well worth reading and I highlight as a specifically useful resource for parents whose children are experiencing gender distress/identity as trans.

https://open.substack.com/pub/pitt/p/when-two-worlds-collide-part-1-a?utmsource=direct&r=8a5jb&utmmcampaign=post&utmmedium=web

https://open.substack.com/pub/pitt/p/when-two-worlds-collide-part-2-a?utmsource=direct&r=8a5jb&utmmcampaign=post&utmmedium=web

https://open.substack.com/pub/pitt/p/when-two-worlds-collide-part-3-the?utmsource=direct&r=8a5jb&utmmcampaign=post&utmmedium=web

Oh man, that substack's a gut punch. I lost hours and hours on it the other night, the stories were so sad and desperate, I couldn't sleep after. Can't recommend it enough.

Wow. What incredibly powerful writing and insight from this mum about her and her children's experiences.

It's an overused phrase (and lots of people object to hearing it) but this feels like a "must read" for any parent of a child who is questioning their gender identity.

There are way too many quotable and pertinent parts but here are just two:

'Gender affirming care’.... is iatrogenic, meaning that the treatment actually contributes to the condition. Eleven longitudinal studies have shown that, if just left alone, approximately 80% of dysphoric kids will simply outgrow the distress they feel and become comfortable with their bodies.

ROGD [Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria] parents are full of anxiety. They analyze every detail of their child, looking for any signs of movement towards or away from the most serious harm. They do everything they can to support and love their child, to affirm the distress without confirming the identity... These parents hold the line and hold space for their child’s true identity.

I'm aware that many people refute the validity of the phrase "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria“ but hopefully anyone who does can set that aside and read this 3 part article.

Thanks not upto reading it now but it sounds like a really interesting resource to have access to

Wow. What incredibly powerful writing and insight from this mum about her and her children's experiences.

I thought the same.

It absolutely does feel like a "must read".

The contrast re: treatment/interventions for her children was so stark.

I found part 2 particularly moving when she was talking about blockers/cross sex hormones being framed as "life saving". Her experiences of her son having life saving chemo really puts that into context.

That was one of the points at which I wanted to run out in to the street, shouting out loud about how important this series of articles is.

Luckily I stayed on the right side of sanity and posted on here instead.

I genuinely believe it to be one of the most important, poignant and well articulated stories I have seen from a parent's perspective. It's amazing that she had the strength to stand back, analyse it and lay it all out so clearly here, let alone how difficult it must be to still be going through it all with the clarity of mind that she has achieved.

Thank you for posting it @BreadInCaptivity

Hopefully a few people will stumble across it as a recently updated thread 🤞

That was one of the points at which I wanted to run out in to the street, shouting out loud about how important this series of articles is.

😂 that was pretty much my reaction as well!

As you say, hopefully others will see and read.

In the meantime hopefully we can point parents who post here to that resource.

I've also been working my way through the other articles.

This one also resonated:

pitt.substack.com/p/why-does-trans-have-no-boundaries

It's about a mothers experience of trans allies reaching out to her child behind her back.

As I have a young person in my life who is struggling with transgenderism, PITTsubstack has been a lifeline so I feel less alone. His immediate family has been severely damaged by it and watching them self-destruct is utterly painful. Our wider family feels helpless trying to help them.

PITT is a very diverse group of parents but the one thing they all hold in common is their love and helplessness watching their child get sucked into a gender identity. It's a heartbreaking collection of essays.

https://pitt.substack.com/p/back-from-the-other-side

this is brilliant too - written by someone who has detransed, and I found it a bit positive. They’ve been through so much. Thanks bread for starting this. The chemo comparison is so raw.

That's a really interesting perspective from "Helene". Thank you for sharing @Moomoola

There is no such thing as "misgendering". The same way you wouldn't "affirm" a person suffering from anorexia or schizophrenia deeper in their mental illness, you shouldn't "affirm" a person suffering from gender dysphoria by using their made-up words and pretend names. It's not a sign of respect, it's just abetting and partaking in the mental confusion.

I have my own variation on this one. I'm actually OK with respecting someone's gender identity, within a specific personal approach. I do think that gender dysphoria is real and I have no idea when I meet someone what level of distress they may be experiencing. My own approach is this:

1. children under 18 - I'll use any requested name (like I would with a nickname) but I will avoid using any pronouns at all. Even if it makes my sentences sound ridiculous by repeating their name many times.
2. adults under 25ish (rough estimate or I'll find a way to ask age) - I'll use names and preffered pronouns but I'll be worrying that they might be vulnerable, owing to the stage of brain development in relation to risk/sense of self that doesn't mature until this age. I can't do anything about that worry.
3. adults over 25ish (I'm unlikely to ask their age - best guess). Same as 2, but I'll be less worried. So the net effect is the same as 2, it just has a slightly lesser impact on me.
4. if the context is important to a specific circumstance - e.g. if I'm talking about why Isla Bryson doesn't belong in a women's prison or why it's inappropriate for Dylan Mulvaney to be promoting sports bras or a Judy Blume film in relation to Dylan's own "girlhood journey". Here I'll use biological pronouns. No respect is warranted in this case IMO. Obviously I won't use the biological pronouns on MN because my post would be deleted 😁

Small footnote: number 4 is an odd one as it puts me in a weird position. E.g. if I'm talking about Caitlyn Jenner as someone who is calling out the harms to children and campaigning against this (this is on a separate discussion thread - I don't want to detail this one), I'll use she/her. She has my full respect in relation to this campaign.

If I need to make a specific point about using women's toilets in reference to Caitlyn, and Caitlyn remains in Caitlyn's (seemingly) current viewpoint that Caitlyn belongs in the women's and third spaces are not necessary (I personally think they are - but don't wish to derail on this either - then I'll use biological pronouns in that context. I'm personally OK with the inconsistency of this.

The main point about pronouns for me is to avoid validating potential harm in balance with avoiding causing any distress on top of what the person may already be experiencing.

Lots of grammar and punctuation fails in the last post above 🤦‍♀️ Hopefully legible 🤦‍♀️

Il read these later it’s about time this sort of excellent article is out there, cancer brings all this nonsense into perspective.

Thanks bonfire lady that's very useful guide!
Always totally agree
I re read this this morning and wondered if it would be helpful it's the third in a series of essays about how a mum detransitioned her child. It may be useful to someone.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/deprogramming-your-rogd-teen-part-36a?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=67309&post_id=97283263&isFreemail=true&utm_medium=email

ditto this - may be useful, i found it a great help -
https://realitygirlzine.substack.com/p/the-zine