"Your surname isn't your own it's your fathers"

(34 Posts)
heidihole Fri 01-Feb-13 16:01:43

I'm struggling to get my head around an argument I keep hearing.

I'm married and kept my name.

I read a lot of threads on here that say basically "it's not your own name anyway its your fathers, so why don't you drop it and take your husbands"

But by that argument my husbands name isn't his own, it's HIS fathers. So if I'm choosing between my father's name, or my father-in-law's name of course my preference is for my father! He's my family, my dad!

If i'm choosing between my name or husbands name then of course my preference is for my name.

It's not comparing like-for-like to say my names my dads, but DH's name is his.

Does anyone know why people use this stupid argument because it does my head it!

FloraFox Fri 01-Feb-13 19:23:20

It's no more of a stupid argument than the argument that surnames have any importance other than to denote patriarchal lineage. Call yourself whatever you like.

WhentheRed Fri 01-Feb-13 20:10:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosy71 Fri 01-Feb-13 21:29:06

I can never see that argument either. Ok, so my name is the same as my father's, so I was given his name, but dp's name is the same as his father's too. That seems to imply that men's name's become their own but women's don't. confused Surely your name is your name, no matter where it came from?

FeltOverlooked Fri 01-Feb-13 21:32:56

I kept my name. So did my sister. My DH only has brothers.

My children have my surname as their middle name and really like that it means they have a name in common with all their aunties and uncles. (not all their grandparents, as it happens, as one of them kept their maiden name too).

So I would say that yes it is my father's name but it is also my name, my mother's name, my siblings' name, my cousins' name, the name of my ancestors. And I wish to continue to share it!

drjohnsonscat Fri 01-Feb-13 21:33:17

Annoying. Your argument is correct. Also my name is my name that I've had since birth. It's become part of me regardless of who bequeathed it to me. So no I do not want to change it for anybody.

FloraFox Fri 01-Feb-13 22:23:41

Felt it's only the name of a very thin slice of your ancestors - your father's fathers and it won't be the name of your descendents.

FeltOverlooked Mon 04-Feb-13 20:56:17

Yes, Flora, it is only a thin slice of ancestors, but that slice is the slice that moved to the other side of the world and founded a new town which many of us still largely live in. Also there was a lot of inter-breeding (blush) so it is not just a straight line backwards through time - it is a slice I am quite fond of and certainly has more meaning to me than my husband's name. He is one of a large band of brothers who are producing sons and heirs at a rate of knots, so it won't make any difference to them if I hold onto my name for one generation. In fact, all their wives have kept their maiden names.

Himalaya Tue 05-Feb-13 07:27:16

Rosy71 - I agree. Your name is your name. Change it, don't change it, but don't try to make the argument that a woman's name is less a part of her identity than a man's.

missingmumxox Sun 10-Feb-13 03:06:27

don't worry about it, I wanted to keep my name on marrage only it was eroded by outside forces not my DH, first was our solicitor who sent the check for the sale of MY house in my first name and DH second name even though I told him not to, he said< I kid you not, dear lady you are married now, it is joint the bank will not recognise you under your maiden name", I told him they would, he sent the cheque in DH surname....3 times because I objected, I couldn't do it a 4th as we where buying a house and I needed the money, quicker to change my name at the bank.
second was my boss, female, changed my name on the rota and my name badge, and infromed payroll to change of my name....oddly payroll wasn't an issue for my bank?? unlike the cheque from my house sale.
the change on my badge and rota name I objected to as I am a nurse and you have to work under your name, my boss ignored my protests, so professionally I had to change my name in case someone complained about me or I wanted other empolyment.
the only place I stayed me was my passport and utilities,3 years into marrage my DH booked a trip abroad never thought about my name, and booked it in my name his surname, I had to change my passport, it was easiler as it needed renewing anyway so saved us the admin cost on top of the passport cost. the reason he didn't think was because I was his name in everything, by that point, bless him, he was so appologtic I cryed about it, It was the last part of my parents gone, both my parents had died by this point.
14 years down the line actually I don't care, I often still write my real name without thinking about once a month say, and when I refer to myself in the third person in convo I am still Missing maidenname,
but I think I am happy to be Dh name now as It gives a continum for our DS,

I lived in the US for some time and ther marrage doesn't seem to change the name, I remember women having to go and change there name? I have a great friend whos daughter unmarried is known as X post, her dad is postavoti

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