Hi I didn't know where to put this as it's not really about relationships or health but touches on both and the other feminist sections (like feminist support) don't seem to be used, so I thought I'd put it here as most likely to be seen.
I lived with the father of my children for nearly a decade and it's only recently that I've become aware of the extent that he fucked with my mind. Here's an example: he'd hide my train pass so I'd spend 20 frantic minutes looking for it while I missed the train. Then I'd find it in a place I'd already looked twice and he would smile indulgently and say I hadn't looked thoroughly or must have forgotten to look there. He'd do this with other stuff as well - books, keys, clothing etc. He'd also deny conversations that had happened and events that we'd both been at and had totally different versions of what had gone on.
At the time, I put it down to me having a bad memory and being disorganised and untidy. I now realise that for the last 10 years or so, even though I consciously knew he'd been a liar and had deliberately denied reality and gaslighted me, I've had this internal narrative that I'm an extremely forgetful, disorganised person who can't remember anything. Which of course, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. At work, whenever I'm asked what my weaknesses are, it's memory I go for (when I'm being honest). My boss recently told me that at least 90% of the time I'm right about something, but I come across as not being sure of it and I know it's because I don't trust my memory and am afraid that I'm remembering wrongly.
But before I met Mr Gaslight, I never even thought about it: I just knew stuff, it never occurred to me to wonder if I'd remembered the stuff I knew correctly - I just knew it. I never had any memory problems before he fucked with it.
My question is this: now I've realised how much his mind-fuckery damaged my perception of how good my memory was and therefore my confidence in how it works, how can I regain confidence in it? Anyone got any tips, links etc.?
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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Recovering confidence in memory and recollections after gaslighting - tips please!
11 replies
FastidiaBlueberry · 11/01/2013 12:40
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