Lad’s magazines: Advice to a daughter

(51 Posts)
David51 Wed 09-Mar-11 09:41:08

Lad's magazines are the curse of the nation
Because they promote your objectification.

Some see these comics as sex education
But they are notorious for misinformation.

Lads may end up with ideas quite perverted
So you should make sure that your needs are asserted.

Internet porn always gives him a thrill
So he needs to know if it makes you feel ill.

In lapdancing clubs there's a lot to discover
So make sure the facts are known to his mother.

Getting a boob job, he thinks, is your duty
But you should rejoice in your natural beauty.

Stockings are one of his favourite sights
But sensible women prefer to wear tights.

He's got this idea you should shave down below
But that is the time you should tell him to go.

Your lad has a plan but you know that he's wrong
And telling him so will make you feel strong.

sethstarkaddersmackerel Wed 09-Mar-11 10:14:14

ha ha, that's terrific David, did you write it yourself?
I particularly like the verse about lapdancing clubs.

germajesty Wed 09-Mar-11 10:16:10

it seems to lump all boys as being into lads mags and todays culture which they aren't

David51 Wed 09-Mar-11 10:41:57

seth yes it's all me own work smile I wrote it this morning but I guess it brings together ideas that have been knocking around in my head for a while

germajesty I did say 'Lads may end up with ideas quite perverted'

thefinerthingsinlife Wed 09-Mar-11 10:50:33

I like it smile

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 11:23:40

A 'new improved' version (I hope) with a few extra verses. And now I really must get back to work.

Lad's magazines: Advice to a daughter

Lad’s magazines are the curse of the nation
Because they promote your objectification.

Some see these comics as sex education
But they are notorious for misinformation.

Maxim has said that girls want it rough
You may disagree, but darling that’s tough.

Zoo wants its readers (those wonderful men)
To look at your breasts and give marks out of ten.

Men say it’s not porn - do they think we are silly?
A man who buys these wants to play with his willy.

Lads may end up with ideas quite perverted
So you'd better make sure your needs are asserted.

Internet porn always gives him a thrill
So tell him at once if it makes you feel ill.

In lapdancing clubs there’s a lot to discover
So make sure the facts are known to his mother.

Getting a boob job, he thinks, is your duty
But you should rejoice in your natural beauty.

Stockings are one of his favourite sights
But sensible women prefer to wear tights.

He’s got this idea you should shave down below
But that is the time you should tell him to go.

Your lad has a plan but you know that he’s wrong
And telling him so will make you feel strong.

FlamingoBingo Thu 10-Mar-11 11:25:47

<applauds>

smilerwile Thu 10-Mar-11 11:30:24

As I have a son and a daughter and have heard some horror stories over the years I would like a "son" version too please. Honestly some of the things I have heard really worry me on both sides.

ringoffire Thu 10-Mar-11 11:33:15

Women's magazines are so much better at being balanced aren't they. No bare chested men in any of them oh no hmm

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 13:56:25

ringoffire if you feel bad about women's magazines you could always write a poem of your own about it smile

Unrulysun Thu 10-Mar-11 14:32:40

Ringoffire the difference can be seen in the fact that if you choose to read Marie Claire with one hand you'll be in a minority.

ringoffire Thu 10-Mar-11 15:06:57

Just a slight generalisation unrulysun - Personally, never have done that.

queenofthecapitalwasteland Thu 10-Mar-11 15:18:17

David51 I love it! I may print it out and frame it for future dds grin

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 16:13:49

If you agree with the sentiments please distribute widely - I won't be claiming copyright grin

nocake Thu 10-Mar-11 16:17:33

Excellent David smile

Although my DW prefers stockings wink

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 16:58:41

nocake

OK so maybe we could re-phrase that as

Stockings are one of his favourite sights
Too bad for him that you always wear tights.

...or something like that

Great poem, David!

Re: stockings vs tights

If one is susceptible to candida albacans, stockings are the healthier option...!

But tights are definitely less faff.

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 17:12:02

Thanks IC, I was going to mention that in the poem but couldn't find a rhyme for albacans...

HerBeX Thu 10-Mar-11 17:29:40

Ringoffire, there aren't any pictures of men showing off their erect cocks in Red or Marie Claire.

Or even their bare arses.

Heh heh heh...! @*David*

"also-rans"?

SardineQueen Thu 10-Mar-11 17:51:33

Great poem grin

Revised version stupendous.

David51 Thu 10-Mar-11 18:43:35

Thanks for all the positive comments. Based on this I am planning to look for a slot at a suitable feminist group event to do a reading.

In the meantime though - as I said before - feel free to circulate it (preferably the second version, but it's up to you)

ringoffire Thu 10-Mar-11 19:44:47

Herbex, last time I read loaded, FHM or Zoo there was no vaginas on show, So not getting your point?

HerBeX Thu 10-Mar-11 20:49:50

There were breasts and arses though, right?

RipVanLilka Thu 10-Mar-11 22:06:29

Wow!! You are rather better than me at poetry! I have reposted this on my blog

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