Mumsnet Talk

Best insult I've ever heard from a seven year old who was all worked up at the time:

"Yeah... Well... You've got bananas coming out yer bum!"

We're doing the Tudors, so I started with a "What I Know" exercise on post-it notes.

Apparently one of Henry VIII's wives was called Amber Lynne Such a pretty name!

In class one warm summers day, one of my 7 year old boys came up to me, wobbled my upper arms and said " my nannys got those" I was only 35 ish at the time and definitely had no bingo wings.
In another class, boy writing about what he did at the weekend " my dad went for a wa-k in the park" ( he misspelled walk if you see what I mean) he did read it back correctly to me though.

Name one of the five senses - sense of humour!

Year 7 pupil, really loudly 'Why is that bloke so tall?' (that bloke being the deputy head)
LSA 'Don't be rude, he might ask why you are so small?'

Year 7 'It's coz I smoke innit?'

Not quite so cute, but did make me laugh.

When starting the Romans topic with my year three class some years ago, one seven year old informed me with great authority that the reason why the Romans had not invaded Scotland was because they were afraid of the "Pixies" (I think she meant Picts!)

Another occasion I remember auditioning pupils for a play where we needed a jester to tell jokes.

Most pupils came up with the usual "Knock knock" and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" variety but one seven year olds contribution was "Why can't Barbie have babies? Because Ken comes in a box..." We all stuffed our hands in our mouths and tried the "that's nice dear" line.

He admitted he didn't get it but that his brother had told it to him...

I'm currently having my first experiences on supply with year 1 (I'm KS2 trained really), so I'm getting the first joys of innocent mis-spellings.

Writing about their toys: "I cunt slep wiv ot mi dolly"

"she" spelled as "shiy", but the y is back to front and written fully above the line so it looks like a t. This doll's owner says "shit can tok and shit can wok and shit can cri and shit has lot of clths to wer"

Love it!

My own child, so cheating, but:

"If I smacked you in the face, that wouldn't be kind, would it Mum?"

DD3 is 3.7 and is exploring the categorisation of actions

When my form were in Year 8, I was writing a note to another teacher and signed my (first) name at the bottom of it. A girl at the front, who has the same name, asked why I'd written something about her, so I explained it was my name too.

At this point another girl at the back chimed up with "Oh! Are you sisters?"

The whole class turned as one and gave her a withering look!

That reminds me, I've had 'look it's pissing it down!' from a nursery child. You mean it's raining, darling?!

"Miss???.... Computer's fucked....."
He was 4...

pmsl at Mrs doodah...cause that is a term I know to have been used instead of the word boobs.

Im not a teacher but my sis comes out with some brilliant ones. 18 years old and I was explaining that I was watching the gazelles on tv "running in the wild" Her confused reply was "what the newspaper"? erm no not the gazette.

These are great! I love the sex ed one and the compass.

Written in homework diary - "Test don't forget cumpiss."

Compass, compass!!

Child 1 (seriously): what do you get when a horse and a zebra have a baby?
Child 2 (still seriously): A leprichaun
Child 1: Really? I thought they were like fairies, not horses
Child 2: No they're horses with a spike.

Turns out she meant unicorn, and she really believed that horses and zebras together made baby unicorns. It would be really cute in a young child but it's a little worrying in a 16yo about to leave school.

Conversation at the table the other day.

Child 1. "Does he have Aspergers or something?" about another, smaller child.
Child 2. laughs
Child 1. " Do you even know what Aspergers is?"
Child 2. "Yes it's a vegetable"
Child 3. "No it's a kind of burger"

PShE class
"We are doing sex with Mrs Wolfie next!"
Hmmm

And a little one to my friend who is a HT: Have you got a baby in your tummy?
Friend: No, I'm just a bit fat.
L.O.: Do you think you've been eating the right sort of food?

A little cherub in my class said to the teacher next door, "I think all the teachers in this school are really pretty - even Mrs Natsmum."

New one - Child: I want a grasshopper for Christmas. Transpired she meant a space hopper!

Yr 6 boy in my class (in the top group for everything, --except common sense--) looking at a Nazi war medal, with the swastika on one side and '1939' on the other:

"It even has the date written in English!"

The homework task was to create sentences by linking two clauses with a connective, then to write some of their own sentences in the same form.

"My mum is great but my dad is socially inept."

I can't possibly guess which parent helps with homework!

My mother enjoyed the following exchange with a 6-yr old when looking at a picture in a book with him.
'And what do you think the people are doing in this picture?'
Boy, very gravely: 'I shudder to think'

"You look lovely Miss"

Said on my first day by year 7 in special ed school

Honestly didn't know what to say!

me: "who can tell me what a verb is?"

child: "It's the writing on the back of a book telling you what the story is about".