I'm so sorry, poor you, she sounds like a wonderful dog who was lucky enough to have a wonderful owner. I lost my Stafford nearly three years ago now and have yet to be able to part with his ashes.
so easy to say from this side but it WILL get easier, but let yourself grieve, it can hit you quite hard and for rather a long time
I have posted this before, but will post it again because I think it's lovely and very true, it will make you cry but is strangely comforting too (((((hugs)))))
YOU HAVE CHOSEN TEARS
The little girl stopped. Behind her, puppies were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much fun, but in front of her, through the clear stillness of the pond water, she could see her mummy. She was crying.
She pawed at the water, trying to get to her. When that didn't work, she jumped into the shallow water. That just got her wet and Mummy's image danced away in the ripples.
"Mummy!...come back" she cried. "Something's wrong!"
The little girl turned around. A lady was standing at the edge of the pond. Her gentle eyes were filled with love and kindness. The little girl sighed, padded out of the water and walked up to her. There's been a mistake," she said. "I'm not supposed to be here." She looked back at the water. It was becoming still again and her mummy's image was coming back.
"Mummy said it has to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet," she howled.
The kind lady sighed and sat down in the grass. With some gentle coaxing, the little girl climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mummy's lap, but, it was almost as good.
When she started to pet her and scratch behind her ear, the way she liked, she started to whine softly. She hadn't wanted to, but she couldn't help it. She missed her mummy's touch.
"I'm afraid, there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mummy knows it...deep down in her heart," the lady said. "She knew this would happen...it always does".
The little girl sighed and laid her head on the lady's leg.
"But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry and her human children too.?
?But they knew right from the beginning this would happen.?
?Why? Because I was so sick?" she whimpered. This surprised the little girl. No one had said anything like that and she had listened when they thought she was sleeping. All she had heard them talk about was how cute she was or how smart she was or how big she was getting.
"No, not because you were sick," the lady said. "But, you see, they chose Tears."
"No, they didn't," the little girl argued. "Who would choose to cry?"
The lady gently brushed the top of her head with a kiss. It made her feel safe and loved and warm - but she still worried about her mummy.
"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
The little girl looked up and saw other animals gathering around. Cats, kittens, hamsters, birds, a lizard, several dogs, puppies and some animals she didn't even recognize, all came to be nearer, so they could hear too. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting. She smiled at them and began:
A long, long, time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge.
They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
The Angel took them to a wall of windows. They peered out the first window at all sorts of things; dolls, toys, clothes and many other things to hold or use.
"Here are things you can love," the Angel said.
"They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.
But, after a time, the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But, they don't care that we love them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window.
It looked out at all sorts of wild animals.
"Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So, the Loving Ones nodded, hurrying out to care for the wild
animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.
The Loving Ones worked at taming some of the wild animals.
Many learned to serve the Loving Ones in their daily tasks. Some were just enjoyed and watched, like the birds that came into their yards to be fed. But, after a time, they all came back to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back. We would like to be loved in return."
So the Angel took them to the third window and showed
them lots of people walking around or hurrying to places.
"Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
So, the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
"You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.
But, after a time, many of Loving Ones came back to the
Angel in Charge. "People are okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us or left us. They broke our hearts."
The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
"You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones turned to leave one saw the last window
far off to the side and slowly walked up to look out of it.
Through it she could see puppies, kittens and dogs, cats and lizards, hamsters and well, some she didn't recognize.
The other Loving Ones hurried over to see. "What about these?" they asked.
But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
"Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
"But, there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they ever stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then THESE are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the Angel seemed upset.
"You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to
feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever. You will have to love them unconditionally, as you would want them to love you."
"We don't mind," they protested.
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where
the Pets were and picked them up. They could see the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly while others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not seem to care or want to listen.
They were holding the warm little bodies and finding
their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time.
"They are so dependent on you and even the most well-made of them is not designed to out-live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms, and nodded to one another.
"That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the
love they will offer. We'll worry about the rest later," as they each walked away with a new little pet in their arms.
The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
"You have chosen Tears," he whispered.
"So it is," the kind lady told the little girl. " Each mummy and daddy knows when they take a new pet into their heart... that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
The little girl sat up. "So why do they take us then!?!" she asked. "Why would they do it...if they know?"
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later," she quietly replied.
"Oh....." the animals all agreed in unison, including the little girl and quietly nodded to each other.
The little girl got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond.
Her mummy was still there... and still crying.
"Will she ever stop crying?" she asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the
Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take their tears away, but he did make them special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers.
"He made them healing tears, formed by the special water here. Each tear holds a bit of all the happy times of barking, purring, petting, playing...and shared love. All flowing together with the promise to love once again.
As your mummy cries, she is healing. It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will begin to smile when she thinks of you. Then, she may open her heart again, to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little girl said, sadly.
The lady just smiled at her as she got to her feet.
"No. She will love again. That is all she will think about. She will worry about the rest later...as so many already have before her."
She bent down and gave the little girl a pat on her head and smiled up at the others who had been listening. They all lowered their heads and nodded silently back.
"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we all
go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little girl wasn't ready to leave the sight of her mummy.
"Will I ever get to be with her again?" she asked solemnly.
The kind lady nodded. "You'll be in the eyes of every puppy she looks at. You'll be in the bark of every dog she pets. Late at night, when she's fast asleep, the spirit of your memory will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace.
One day soon you can even send her a rainbow, to let her know you're safe and waiting here...for when it's time for her to come."
"I would like that," as the little girl took one last, long look at her mummy.
She saw her smile slightly through her tears and she knew she had just recalled a happy memory of her.
"I love you, Mummy," she whispered. "It's okay if you cry, I understand now."
She glanced over at the other pets, all running, playing and laughing, chasing the butterflies.
"Mummy? I?ve got to go and play now,...okay? But I'll be around, I promise. Remember me and I'll always be with you.
Hey!...You lot, wait for me!!!....."
Then she turned and raced happily after the others.
