plus, families can have odd dynamics. i couldn't accept my mother coming in and telling me what to get rid of and what to keep. i would end up asking her to leave and sit in the corner crying, whereas i have another friend who i trust to be helping me with no other agenda than to get me where i want to be and not passing any judgement on what i had kept or why. i couldn't trust my mum not to be judging me.
what would you do? (dont mean that to sound confrontational although i know it might come across that way) you cant enter her house and throw stuff away against her will. she has to permit you to help. i honestly think i would have a panic attack if my mum said she was going to go through my stuff and start getting rid. I can actually feel my throat tightening right now just typing that. if your mum was like me, it would be impossible for you to do anything. i would physically block my mum's way into my room TBH. there have been times when she's been in the house and mentioned nipping up to the dcs rooms to see their new duvet covers and i've pictured myself running up the stairs before her and blocking the way. thankfully i've never had to as i've just said the duvet covers are in the wash.
I wouldnt force her to throw stuff out, but I wouldn't let her live with filthy kitchen/bathroom or cat wee. Both of the people on the show tonight welcomed the help, I have seen other programs like this where it is obviously much more of a problem and has taken months to overcome, the OCD cleaning people were only in the homes for 4 days, which makes me think the hoarding people hadn't reached the level of beyond help. It just made me wonder if they had been offered help by their own family. The old man in particular was worried that he would fall and not be allowed to live in is house, which suggests he wanted it sorted but couldn't do it alone.
but how would you stop her living like that if she stopped you being in the house or if she let you in but went into a meltdwon if you started cleaning up? would you just continue cleaning and ignore her? what if she physically stopped you?
and again, alot of the families might never have known how bad things were that they needed help.
If need be I would go and clean kitchen/ bathroom when she was out, although I can't honestly imagine that I would ever let her get to that point.
Both the families on this show obviously knew how things were because they both commented on the change in the house. That woman's son can't have missed the smell of cat wee, and the lady that went to the old mans house commented that she had never seen the sofa before. From your posts it seems that you are more concerned with throwing things away, I understand that this is a real problem and not something that can just be dealt with in minutes, however my issue would be more about the dirt. Kitchens and bathrooms can be cleaned without the need to throw out everything else in the house
yes i agree they are two different issues and perhaps i mightnt feel as strongly if my mum decided to clean my bathroom (although it is spotless so she wouldn't).
i dont know. i cant speak for the people in the show or know why they didn't help their friends/family. i just know it's a very complicated and emotional issue for me and for a long time i have been very controlling about who comes in my house, when they come and where they go. i have hidden when my mum has knocked the door in the past because i haven't hoovered and i know she would notice and be thinking i was dirty. sounds ridiculous but that's how strongly i feel about it.
the only person who gets into my house if i dont think it's spotless is my best friend because i know she doesn't give a shit and if i asked her for help she would be there in a flash without any questions asked or judging. i cant cope with surprise visits at all. hearing the door being knocked is a horrible sound.
Booyhoo, there is a big difference between not hoovering for a few days and having a house covered in cat wee. From what you have said it sounds like your house is fine and your mum is over critical. I am overly tidy and clean the house ALOT! But even people like me have days when we think sod it, and leave the house messy. Don't be too hard on yourself, the fact that you worry about how the house looks makes me think it's probably not bad at all. Have to o now as iPad is about to run out of battery, but be nice to yourself x
you're right. it isn't that bad, now. but it used to be and i am constantly stopping myself letting it get back that way so i probably am too picky over it but the alternative just isn't a place i want to go again. or let anyone think i'm going to again. like i said, it is complicated and i dont fully understand myself what the cause or solution is. i just know that the only help that i'll get is the help i ask for myself and permit to happen.
My mum and my sister are horders!!!! I have spent hours organising them
Once i spent 7hrs in my sisters bedroom just sorting piles of clothes, i put her dd's old clothes in boxes to eirther give away or store for the next born BUT after a week she opened the boxes and used some of the smaller clothes for her dd as she didnt have time to iron
i've watched sooo many episodes, including the american ones and sometimes you could tell that rooms hadn't been done. like they would hang a curtain over a doorway that had no door to do the reveal or they wouldn't even show you that area at the end even though it was included in the original 'look how bad this house is' shot. and they usually only reveal 3 areas in every make over.
the houses are not faked. Some people live that way - mostly due to MH issues. Hoarding/OCD is an illness.
Please, try not to judge. Unless you have walked in their shoes you have no idea. Lots of Mners have helped others with their homes when times have been bad, got them back to a happy, healthy place in their mind and that alone can help get the housework done.
But yes, the girl does use too much bleach! I like bleach, but only a little squirt.