Help me please

[MrsJedi]

hello not been here before. Need wise council from other mums.

Teenager(14girlchild) diagnised ulcerative colitis in jan 09 really sick 'til June then gradually improved - back at school now. Finding it really ahrd to join with friends who seem to have disengeaged and she can't break into the cliques. On the other hand she is a mardy cow,ceratinly at home, she is sullen and grumpy all the time and personlly I wouldnt want to be her friend if i wasnt her mum.

I am at my wits end - shaky and stressed, near to tears all the time - how can I help her or should I hust run away from home to some galaxy far away? Actually a Caribbean Island sounds bettter but...

[Pimmpom]

Arww MrsJedi, it must be hard for her if she has been off sick for a long while. Is there any chance she could invite people over this half-term for dvd/pizza/sleepover? Is there just one person in her class that she could meet up with this week?

If my two are anything to go by they may be moody and sullen with me but they are certainly not like it with their friends.

Now........what Caribbean island did you have in mind

[ADifferentMe]

Do feel for you. DD missed a whole term of school at the age of 14. Returned in September 08 to find her old "friends" didn't want to know her in spite of the school's best attempts to keep contact going (we live a long way from school).

I would love to say they came round in the end but they didn't. With the mix up of teaching groups for Y10 things improved slightly as she met some girls she didn't know before.

The best thing for her has been out of school activities. She's made a lot of new friends and her social life is almost entirely based around them with the occasional shopping trip with someone from school.

It's a horrible age and this is the last thing they need. I remember feeling that everyone else was having more fun than me when I was 14.

No advice apart from that, but best of luck - it will improve. And don't forget, sullen and grumpy isn't unusual for teenagers!

[ChunkyKitKat]

Sorry to hear that dd has been so poorly.

Is it worth having a word with the school? This is out of my experience base as my dc are only 4 and 7.

I am not familiar with secondary schools, but if you were to speak to them about the problem a sympathetic teacher could introduce her to some nice kids?

Also, it would be good to have some friends out of school, are there any activities she may like to get involved with? Could be anything, I suppose, sports or something.

Take care, you sound like you need some time out for yourself! I'm with Pimmpom, I want to know what Island you have in mind

[mathanxiety]

Would she join a sports team/ drama group/ choir ?

[MrsJedi]

Wow - having never doen this before and havingnot come back for ages Wow!! Thank you

It is just simply sooo good to know that there are people around who care enought o respond.

Daughter 1 does too much out of school - and I know it is deliberate for the reasons mentioned - footie(excellent defender), drama and an extra GCSE! She has tried and is trying to make other friends - it just doesnt seem to be working very well. Me control freak so that is undoubtedly part of my problem but I am being very good and keeping quiet. I am quite an old mum and most of my close friend not only did boy kids but they have grown up and gone!! I have found someone to talk to at work and that has leped me if not daughter 1!!

I read the titles of the various threads too and wonder about teenagers in gereral - I wasn't like this - moody cow yes but not soo stressy ALL the time, i dont remember the sort of issues - maybe that's the effect of rampant hormones and deteriorating brain cells.

Thank you all I will come back soon - and promise not o moan

[MrsJedi]

Oh, the caribbean Island - any really the smaller and quieter the better. And de mon - well the bigger the better....