My teeanage son left two months ago to live with his father. I want him home.

[mitzy1]

Two months ago my son said he was unhappy and wanted to live with his dad. His dad only saw him once a fortnight. He has a wife, dog and money (nothing that I have or can give him).

He said he was fed up with me talking about his dad and about the money his dad was not providing.

I wish I could turn the clocks back. He has been out to stay for one night but his lack of contact hurts me.

All I want is for him to come home and be a proper family again. I have had him on my own for 14 years and I am devastated. Can anyone advise or let me know the experiences and outcomes of other teenagers who have left home.

[solidgoldbrass]

I'm very sorry for you as this must be miserable, but unless his dad is likely to be a bad parent (beating him, using drugs, drinking too much, involving him in criminal activities) you will not be able to compel him to come home. Teenagers often do stuff like this, and then get over themselves and rebuild their relationships. It's going to be very hard for you but really the only thing you can do is to make sure he knows he is always welcome in your house, that you love him, but that you accept his decision to live with his father for the moment.

[ib]

I left home as a teen to go live with my dad. My dad shortly after moved in with a new girlfriend and left me living on my own, but I'm still really glad I did it.

First, because after years of seeing my dad only once a week I needed more time to form a proper relationship with him.

Second, because a bit of distance from my mum allowed me to gain some perspective about all that she had done for me and I think our relationship is the better for it.

I would say give him time - see this about being about him and his dad rather than about you and let him do it his own way.

[mitzy1]

Thank you. Dad is not a bad parent. The only thing he does now is catch two buses to school and back, whereas he was told that his grandparents would take him to school. He was also told that he would make regular football training but that's stopped due to injury!

He knows how much I love him and how much we miss him. He also knows the door is always open if he wanted to come home.

[anyfucker]

awww, sorry for you, you sound thoroughly miserable

just wanted to second the advice given already, let him go and he will come back to you, maybe under different circumstances, but he will

[VinegarTits]

I'm really sorry for you, i think boys get very very protective of their dads at this age, my ds did, would never have a bad word said against him. His dad has never given me a penny, but i have never ever spoke about this infront of ds, he wouldnt hear of it.

Give him time, hoepfully he will come round, i am sure he misses you, living at his dads will be a novelty atm, hopefully it will wear thin soon.

[mitzy1]

How do I know if he is starting to miss being at home?

[sparklefrog]

My teenage son also left home, but to go and live with his nan, who allowed him to do as he pleased all the time.
I was single parent for 13 years of his life, and when he was 16 and left home, with no prior warning to me, I was devastated.
I guess in some ways I still am.
When he first left home, I was angry, and hurt, and told him so, and he didnt come to see me or call me. It was as if everything we had gone through together and all the sacrifices I had made meant nothing to him.
He couldn't (and still doesn't) understand why I am angry, although I noticed that so long as I tried to maintain contact and kept the contact light and airy iyswim, he was more likely to maintain contact.
It has definitely changed the dynamics of our relationship, and I accept that it will never be the same again, but theres nothing I can do, other than be there when or if he should need me.

[sparklefrog]

PS: He was 16 and 7 months when he did his moonlight flit, so not sure how similar to your circumstances this is, and he's been gone 8 months now.

[anyfucker]

mitzy and sparkle, your boys will come round, even if it takes a few years

teenage boys don't understand about "hard times" and "sacrifices", they just see a nagging mother who is trying to cramp their style. But one day they will, often when they have family of their own

hang in there

[fizzbuzz]

I think this is quite common for teenage boys.

In my school, several leave to go and live with their father. Usually in Yr 9 or 10. I also know friends who have had this happen too. I think it is a boy thing, and they usually come round in the end.

HTH

[mitzy1]

to Fizzbuzz.

He is in yr 9 now. Have you heard of any of them who have left gone back home eventually?

[fizzbuzz]

Yes, some of them go back, and some of them stay. I think it is to do with becoming a grown male and wanting to be in a male environment

[mitzy1]

To Fizzbuzz

Thank you for your reply it's much appreciated.