Not sure if I am looking for advice or just for an ear really so please bear with me.
DSD who is 16 in 2 weeks lives with us (has done for 7 years) and she also has a very close relationship with her (maternal) nan who stays with every weekend. (Very sporadic and poor contact with her mum). She is a very social, bright and happy girl. She has (literally) hundreds of friends and is never short of boyfriends. Her current boyfriend is a few years older and lives in London (we're in the north). They have a LDR and speak mostly on her mobile or MSN. She's been with him for 5 months.
At the beginning of the summer holidays she was out every day staying in various friends houses and her nan's house regulary. UNtil a month ago she came home from spending the weekend in her nans and she was like a different person. She was very quiet (completely out of character), hardly any make up on (again it's usually piled on with a trowel), and just went up to her bedroom. She didn't want to go on the computer and hardly ate. She was still on the phone to her boyfriend all the time so I knew they hadn't split. She refused to tell us what was wrong, just kept saying she didn't want to talk about it and to leave it.
She wouldn't phone any of her friends or go to their houses, she said her boyfriend was the only one she could trust. Alarm bells starting ringing. She wouldn't go out unless it was with us in the car or to her nans.
I started to maybe get an inkling of what it was, after reading so many stories (and honestly having been through something like that myself). starts to get sensitive here
So one morning a few weeks ago I asked her, had she been raped or attacked. She closed her eyes said "Don't just leave it please," So of course I did. I hugged her and told her she could tell me but she wouldn't.
Last week my mum was staying as she confided in my mum. She was drugged, and raped by 2 brothers, one of who was on remand and had done it before. She had lied about were she was staying - told us she was in her nans, told her nan she was at a friend's. And her and her friend had gone clubbing. She went to the police, who took samples (god I ahte thinking about it), and they called in social services because she's underage. They were going to call DH but she begged them not to, and instead they called her nan. She's had to have an AIDS test (all clear thank god) and have two Hep C injections.
All the while she adamant she doesn't want her dad to know. Now my mum told me because basically she can't keep secrets, but DSD doesn't want me to know because she thinks I'll tell her dad. And I can't let her know that I know IYSWIM because she will feel betrayed by my mum.
So what do I do? I want to support her and also let her know she's not alone. I went through something similar at the same age. But also do I tell DH? Honestly it would kill him, he doesn't handle that kind of thing very well and he has problems connecting with DSD now she's a teenager. But on the other hand she obviously needs her dad right now, she's gone through most of it alone. She's had to go to the local sexual diseases clinic to be tested for every STD under the sun and she's gone alone.
God if I had only known I could have gone with her, held her hand. I keep crying and unexpected intervals and DH keeps asking whats wrong. I want to kill those goddam mother fuckers for what they've done. She was a bloody virgin FGS!! I don't know what to do, do I let her know I know, do I leave it (don't want to do that) do I tell her dad, wait until she hopefully tells one of us.
It's going to court later this year as he's already on remand so he will get a lengthy sentance, She'll need time off school for that, also she'll obviously need loads of support.
HELP.
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Right this is very long and very sensitive, but just need to get it all down
26 replies
unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 06/09/2008 22:40
OP posts:
Herecomesthesciencebint ·
06/09/2008 23:29
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