DS2 is IMPOSSIBLE to deal with

[motheroftwoboys]

Help please as it is getting beyond a joke. DS2 is 15, he spends 80% of his time in his room on his computer games, he has an appalling diet/verging on eating disorder - discussed many times - however he is certainly not fat rather he is small for his age. Says he doesn't like us! Doesn't want to be part of this family etc. Not doing well at school at all and just about to start Year 10. Is this really common teen behaviour or have I just drawn the short straw. I really don't know how to progress. We have another son, nearly 17, who although no angel seems to actually enjoy our company - when he is in as he has a massive social ife - and eats like a horse and is a real foodie. He didn't work as hard as he should have done for GCSE but still managed good grades and just about to go into 6th form at school. If I didn't have one "reasonable" teen I would blame myself totally. DS1 says we are cool parents and that DS2 is a ... ! What can I do? Has anyone else had problems with one child when the other was fine. Is there a help line (apart from mumsnet lol) who might give advice. The eating problem is a biggie but he doesn't seem to think it is a problem so won't discuss it. In fact he won't discuss anything. By the way he is fine "in public" just not at home.

[fleacircus]

There is an advice line - article about it here. Sorry I can't offer more personal advice, my first is yet to be born, let alone hitting the teenage years. I do teach teenagers though and certainly yours sounds perfectly normal to me. Possibly he feels that DS1 has claimed the role of 'good' child and that in order to have an individual niche in the family he needs to assert himself as differently as possible? I'm not putting that very well; I think I mean it might be difficult for DS2 if he feels that he is expected to match or live up to DS1's positive characteristics and rather than risk failure he is pushing in the other direction. Not sure if that's any use to you; if you can avoid making comparisons between them it might help. DS2 sounds like he needs a way to gain approval that's entirely unrelated to DS1's achievements.

Sorry not to be more help; maybe that phoneline will be. Good luck.

[juuule]

Sounds normal to me, too. Agree with fleacircus about trying not to compare with ds1.
His 'appalling diet'. Have you made a note of what he actually eats? Is he generally healthy?
If he is healthy then I'd just let it go.
Definitely sounds in the normal range to me and my dss are 20y, 17y and 14y. The second son was similar to yours in that he was something of a contrast to the eldest. I do think comparing them is very unhelpful (although difficult not to). Try to see each as an individual in their own right with their own ways of doing things.

[motheroftwoboys]

Thanks both of you. I try not to compare and, believe me DS1 has given us problems - a bit of a dalliance with drugs and an arrest for shoplifting due to hanging around "with the wrong crowd" a couple of years ago. And here's us a "respectable" middle class family. DS2 is dyslexic and I know that brings problems but he is (to quote the school) "catastrophically disorganised"! re eating - he basically eats breakfast cereal, toast, chocolate spread (when he gets his hands on it), ham sandwiches (horrible pink, square stuff, not "proper" ham), crisps, popcorn, chicken - as in breadcrumbed breasts, never proper roast or anything resembling that! and as many sweets as he can get his hands on. Yes, he is fit and healthy but small and showing no signs of puberty. We have been through the health visitor route when he was small - this has gone on since he was 5 - and gave up as they believed him when he said he would try different foods "for mummy". He was and is a "beautiful" boy and makes good use of his extremely long eyelashes" Maybe I am overreacting but if we ignore him we basically never see him. Tonight, for instance, we are going to see We Will Rock You at a local theatre. We arranged this weeks ago. A few days ago he asked if a friend could come over (and they always stay) I said of course, any night but Sunday - so guess when he arrives! I have said he is going out and that is that! We will give the friend a lift home. They are having popcorn as I speak. I will try the helpline.

[themoon66]

Hmmm.. sounds a lot like my DS (16th birthday last week, about to start 6th form).

It was your comment 'but if we ignore him we basically never see him' that struck a chord with me.

That's my son too, also another 'beautiful boy'. Long curly hair, huge brown eyes, very, very thin, crap diet. Would live on microwave popcorn and crisps and never come out of his room if I didn't force him.

Sorry but I have no answers. Am hoping it's just a 'stage' he is going through.

Interestingly, my DS is the second child too. His big sister is very sociable with loads of friends.