Girlfriend sending naked video of herself to 15 yr old son

(18 Posts)
cookiefudgemum Fri 03-May-13 21:40:47

Please can anyone help me with my next steps with my son

My son broke his phone and left it with me to take to phoneshop without switching it off. A message popped up from his 15yr old girlfirend saying 'watch this video of me'. I am ashamed to say I did. This is only because there have already been a few issues (to cut a long story short!) with his girlfirend. I was so shocked - the video was pornographic, just her by herself.

I can't quite believe it and I just do not know what to do. I know I can possibly be a bit precious (can't we all about our boys?!) but this was just beyond anything that I could have imagined. Am I just being really naive? I am still shaking and I just really do not know what to do next both for my son and the girlfriend who is daft enought to send such videos of herself. I would really appreciate anyone's advice out there, please. Thank you!

SvarteKatterogFlosshatter Fri 03-May-13 21:43:50

If she is under 18, then (correct me if I'm wrong) it's illegal for him to have explicit videos of her - it counts as underage pornography. I would advise him to delete the video and any others.

frazmum Sat 04-May-13 04:45:27

And you need to raise it with him. I think if you were taking phone to be fixed then he can't accuse you of snooping. What if staff in shop had seen? He also needs to then pass on your discussion to his girlfriend. As above poster said he's putting himself and also her in a very vulnerable position.

VAVAV00M Sat 04-May-13 16:46:57

I would personally contact parents and or school.

Better they know so if it gets leaked damage control can be done straight away, it's easier than you think to leak too. An embarrassing but not pornographic video of a colleague got seen by the boss got seen when she bent over and the phone fell out of pocket and they went on photos/videos to find who's phone it was. And would you feel guilty if it leaked as it is child pornography, what if it gets into the wrong hands?

All points to consider, but your choice ...

NigellasGuest Sat 04-May-13 16:58:12

school may not be interested unless it happened on the premises.
But I would definitely speak to the girlfriend's parents. She is putting herself at risk - and putting him in a vulnerable position too. Is he also 15? you say the girl is 15 but what about your son?
This is also a lot more common than you may think, unfortunately.

flow4 Sun 05-May-13 11:13:43

Are you sure it's her? Did you recognise her? I ask because that sounds like very typical spam... It could have come from her phone or someone else's if they clicked on a dodgy link online...

If you know it's her, then you definitely need to speak to your DS and the girl's parents. She has broken the law by sending him that video, and committed an offense that could get her on the sex offenders' register. She has also made herself very vulnerable, of course.

And your son needs to know that if he showed it to anyone else, he'd also be committing an offense.

Don't take the phone to be repaired with this video still on it. They may well report it to the police.

burberryqueen Sun 05-May-13 11:18:32

this is what teenagers are doing these days i am sad to say. you must advise him most strongly to delete it.

StabInTheDark Sun 05-May-13 18:44:21

I would second what flow4 said, the message does sound like spam!! Possibly something to do with the phone being broken?

However, if you do know that it is her, I would speak to her parents. Depending on your judgement and relationship with her, another option might be to speak directly to her. I would also delete it, especially as it's very easy for these things to fall into the wrong hands, and the situation can escalate before you've blinked.

I don't think you're being naive at all! It shocked me to my core when a similar thing happened recently to a friend of DD2 (15) who sent a naked photo to a boy. Inevitably, it got circulated round what seemed like the whole school. Scary, scary stuff.

cookiefudgemum Fri 10-May-13 18:00:38

Thank you all so much for your responses. It helped me realise that I wasn't over-reacting. Flow4 it definitely was her, unfortunately there was no mistaking that.

So I did talk to DS, and told him very honestly about the possible repercussions. I think he was quite shocked on a number of levels. Video now deleted! His face drained of colour when I said we were both going round to see his girlfriend and mother! That, I have to say, was the most bizarre conversation I have ever had. I thought it would be quite uncomfortable but the mother seemed to be more concerned with arranging for my DS and her daughter to see more of each other as this is ‘what teenagers do’ and if they saw more of each other then she wouldn’t have done this! I was genuinely concerned for the girlfriend, for all the reasons you have mentioned, but certainly was made to feel that I was overreacting. So I have read your comments several times to give me reality check!

MrsSpagBol Sun 12-May-13 08:44:42

What a strange reaction from the mother....!

GoblinGranny Sun 12-May-13 08:51:57

Well, the mother's reaction helps you to understand why the girl saw no problem with what she did. I'm pleased you and your DS took it more seriously.

syl1985 Wed 15-May-13 23:04:46

You're not overreacting!!!!

If someone sends this kind of images of herself to the other person then she doesn't respect herself.

Why? Maybe she has been sexual abused or if I look to her mothers reaction. She has been taught that it's normal to do these things. Which in my opinion is also a form of abuse or child neglect.

Sending pornographic images of herself to others and maybe more, like having sex with others. Could have some very disastrous consequences.

Someone could post these images online. This is illegal, but it happens. There's a lot of child pornography to be found online.

Sex:
Catching curable/incurable STI's and some of then can even be deadly. Like HIV, hepatitis b, warts that causes cervical cancer and cancers of the vulva, vagina, penis and anus.
This last one is given to the other person by skin to skin contact. Even if someone uses a condom you can still catch this!

There's always the change of an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.

Changes of meeting the wrong kind of people who'll just use a girl like her for sex. Girls who were being thought that sex is a normal thing to do with others. Have a higher change of becoming a prostitute.

These changes for someone like this girl to end up like that will only be higher if she doesn't finish her school.

This is very serious, but I've no idea on how to deal with it. Clearly her mother is no help at all!!!
Maybe have a chat with the girl. She probably doesn't understand what she's doing.

That it's wrong and illegal to make these pictures of herself. What if they fall in the wrong hands?

That having sex is fun, but also very dangerous. Around 900 women die every year of cervical cancer. 70% of these deaths are being caused by a wart virus.

Don't scare her either.
But let her know that her body is her body and it's not something she should so easily share with everyone.

Just be nice for her. So she feels she could talk to you. She might be a victim of sexual or other kind of child abuse. It might also be that her mother is very poor in her parenting skills.
If you're there for her and she feels safe with you. In case something is seriously wrong with her. She could have a talk with you about it.

It must be a very difficult situation to find yourself in. Good luck with this poor girl and her mother.

englishrosie Sun 19-May-13 21:15:57

How stupid are all of you on here. Do not tell the girls parents! How embarrassing and violating for her!!! No parent should know of their son/daughters sex habits end of.

Fuckwittery Sun 19-May-13 21:21:42

They are nearly 16 not young teens, in a relationship, is it fairly committed / long term? tbh if in other ways a serious relationship I think you should ease off a bit, not embarrass the girl but have a chat with her about what would happen if they broke up, how these things can get around etc. they may be doing these things in private but its dangerous to make films in that way
isnt there some teen app which sends a text or image etc that autodeletes after a few seconds. not to encourage her but it would be safer!

AnyFucker Germany Sun 19-May-13 21:27:56

rosie...your attitude is the stupid one

AnyFucker Germany Sun 19-May-13 21:28:53

I would want someone to tell me if my underage dd was acting like this

ditto, my son

Surely her parents knowing is preferable to all the kids in the local area watching her videos?

I think you did good op.

specialsubject Sun 19-May-13 22:34:00

someone said the girl doesn't respect herself - that is exactly it. Terrifyingly, it seems she may have learned this from her parents.

OP, you did the right thing, and the girl is fortunate that it was you that saw the video.

who taught teens that this is ok?

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