Un-sanitary untidy teenage girls room...do I ignore or crack down?!

(30 Posts)
febel Thu 28-Feb-13 10:21:18

Hi, the thorny subject of untidy and dirty bedroom is raising its head again. Went into YDs room today to strip bed (cos she hadnt and it's well over due so I've given in cos I am doing a "bedding" wash anyway) Dirty bowls and plates (she's not meant to eat in her room really) LOADS of empty crisp packets (no wonder there's never any for us) and chocolate bar wrappers stuffed down bed, clothes all over floor, etc etc..you get the general idea. As for dust and dirt....and believe me I am NOT a perfect/desparate housewife!

I am in two minds about it...on the one hand it's HER room and perhaps I should leave it and let her have it how she wants, but on the other hand it's MY house and YD has her own room,not sharing it, and it's decorated in accordance with her desires so why can't she have pride in it and have it vaguely tidy and even god forbid, clean? she even bought herself some new leggings (secretly) cos she couldn't find/be bothered to look for her old ones (wanted to borrow mine but I wouldn't let her..if she put things away they'd be ther for her to wear!)
Have tried with holding pocket money, doesn't work. I feel with her it's all about Power...hers over mine. What should I do?

I attacked DDs playroom yesterday and feel very virtuous.

I am girding my loins to go into her pit bedroom.

febel Wed 06-Mar-13 08:35:43

Wellll...crunch time is approaching. Room was tidied at weekend cos I told her she couldn't go out until it was. BUT..have just emptied the wash basket and done a wash and noticed when hanging up that NONE of her school polo shirts have made it to the wash basket and so haven't been washed. So tomorrow she won't have any clean ones. Not looking forward to the shouting though....... She may have to hand wash tonight!

We have had words.

<stern>

CointreauVersial Sat 02-Mar-13 23:20:03

Soiled sanitary towels??shock

I could turn a blind eye to a messy bedroom, but I certainly wouldn't tolerate that.

<joins despair>

Someone said on a similar thread recently that teens (mine is 13) don't know how to tidy up, and I think this is true. I am constantly banging on to DD about sorting her tip of room out, but I really think she does not have a clue how to go about it. I venture in when I am feeling brave, have a good clear out and then threaten her with loss of Blackberry if she doesn't keep it that way, but it always reverts. She loses her Blackberry for a while, then the whole cycle starts again.

I make excuses for her as she doesn't have much storage, plus she has loads of stuff that doesn't fit her anymore which needs sorting.

But the plates, and the half drunk cups of tea, and the soiled sanitary towels, honestly, it is enough to drive me to drink.

<waits for Lent to be over>

Theas18 Sat 02-Mar-13 23:05:46

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Washing needs top be done-agree with the basket, and a basket to hand it back in folded. Iron nothing especially if she never pits out away tidily!

Ban food from her room-of she can't bring plates etc out that is a health hazard. Marne turn wifi off until age brings then out each day lol.

Don't buy crisps and chocolate if you don't want her eating them. If they are lunch stuff maybe you'll have too have a box under your bed or something?

Beds need changing every now and then.I tend to give a couple of warnings over a day it so, and then it's wifi off or a TV ban till the bed is changed.

Dd1 has a pit if a room here, bit her room at uni is pretty today, so she can when age has to...

Ds (17) has a put that stinks of damp boy and has little visible floor. Every note and then I check for mouldy stuff but mostly ignore it! He's a good kid, school is going well etc. so really it's small potatoes on the greater scheme of things.

I guess it helps that I'm naturally of the untidy but basically clean school of house maintenence myself though... I really can't get shouty about out..

flow4 Sat 02-Mar-13 10:53:17

When I was a teenager myself, my dad was so worried about the state of my bedroom that he asked a child psychologist he met at a party! shock Fortunately, the psy told him messy rooms were a sign of a clever child! grin I have no idea whether it's true, but that anecdote has been enough to help me cope with my own DCs' mess.

Our 'house rule' is - Do what you want in your own bedroom, but clear up your own mess in the shared rooms and keep them clean and tidy for everyone.

armagh Sat 02-Mar-13 09:21:51

One of my dd's is sooo untidy. Her room is a tip. Hoping she will grow out of it. She is in her20's! She's great otherwise. You are right- i shall pick my battles and in the great scheme of things it's not too important. I'll just close the door.

rubyrubyruby Sat 02-Mar-13 09:20:47

I tend to pick one thing she likes doing eg: youth club in a Friday, and say that unless her room is in an acceptable state (not perfect) then I won't take her. This means that once a week or so it gets cleared and hopefully she may start to realise its easier to keep it that way rather than the weekly panic

bevelino Sat 02-Mar-13 09:11:11

I take my 4 dd's by the hand and we clean their bedrooms together every week. We choose our battles and in exchange for helping me with chores, good personal grooming, healthy eating, sensible bed times and working hard at school they get to wear what they like, have own computers, see friends whenever they wish, receive regular pocket money and use me as a taxi service without any complaint or comment from me.

PenelopePisstop Fri 01-Mar-13 20:12:49

I could've written maureens post and I have said exactly the same re vaccinations to DD's friends. As you say - there are far worse things they could be doing.

I say save the arguments for things that really matter.

She's now 25 and works in fashion industry, lives with BF, still not the tidiest in the world but she is a lovely girl and has a great life.

Startail Fri 01-Mar-13 14:26:44

Sod being dyslexic, and posting talking to DH at the same time blush

Startail Fri 01-Mar-13 14:24:27

I'm the least house proud person on the planet, but I don't understand how teens rims get like this?

Do parents suddenly decide, right your 12 I'm going to suddenly stop coming your room, vaguely picking things up and having a jolly moan and a chivvy.

The DDs rooms at 15 and 12 are in just the same state of moderate untidiness they have always been in since they were toddlers.

I truly do not understand why parents suddenly seem to stop applying the rules that have always applied to living together nicely.

A teen isn't a separate species, it's a bit bigger and hopefully a bit more mature than it was at 9, but it still lives by the same rules of common curtsy.

salemsparklys Fri 01-Mar-13 14:22:47

I am sick of yelling/stopping money/grounding/removing phone from my DD who is 13, she shares a room with her 9 yr old sister and its starting to rub off on her. Sick of sweet wrappers around the bin/clean and dirty clothes in the bed,on the floor etc. All she does is stand with a smart ass look on her face as she knows it will make DH angry.

BoringTheBuilder Fri 01-Mar-13 14:09:20

You are actually right Maureen.

MaureenMLove Fri 01-Mar-13 13:44:16

I'm astounded by the pig sty my 17 year old DD lives in! I am one step away from being Anthea Turner, when it comes to cleanliness in the rest of the house! grin

It drives me nuts and has done for years. However, she's not a bad kid and there are far worse things she could be doing at 17, so I simply shut the door. It's not my problem. I don't pick anything up, I don't wash things, I don't iron things. Occassionally I might say, 'do you think you need to do any washing?', but to be honest, I don't really care one way or another!

DH has a habit of suggesting that that her bedroom needs tidying because it's starting to trickle down the stairs and also asks her mates if they are up to date on their vaccines before they enter her room! grin

I say pick your battles. An untidy bedroom is not a disaster in the grand scheme of things.

BoringTheBuilder Fri 01-Mar-13 13:34:42

oh my, I hope my daughter won't be like this
Growing up I liked my bed and my side of the bedroom very nice and clean, I made sure my clothes were all washed and ironed always when possible and I would do it myself.
However I shared room with my sister who was exactly like the teen girls described here. And she is nearly 40 and never got any better
Please tell me I'm not the only exception to the rule....
Is there anything we can do to avoid teen being like this?
My daughter is only 5 but I teach her to look after her stuff, help tidying up, putting clothes in the washing basket (I'm sure you all did it too)

Toomuchtea Fri 01-Mar-13 13:20:59

Have sleepovers. It is amazing how quickly DD changes her bed, and releases the restless herd of dirty water bottles and general junk when she has friends coming over.

PourMeAVino Thu 28-Feb-13 17:42:40

I feel your pain febel My DS1 (17) now has to do his own washing/ironing because I was fed up with all the clean and ironed clothes ending up on his floordrobe floor! He was quite happy to fill his wash bin up with the dirty stuff tho but what was the point of doing it all for it to end up dumped in a corner hmm. He'll run out of pants soon I reckon wink

febel Thu 28-Feb-13 14:46:55

I don't normally wash clothes unless they ARE in the wash basket...got enough to do without collecting more off floors! It just upsets me i suppose, all her stuff and things people have given her, not clothes particularly but everything, just piled up and left in corners etc have even found a (used!) sanitory liner on her bedroom floor before now when ventured in with clean clothes to dump on her bed for her to put away. In fact, may refuse to wash her stuff at all unless she puts it away after I've done it......

PourMeAVino Thu 28-Feb-13 11:30:06

I bought a cheap laundry basket from the pound shop and put in my DD (15) bedroom on the understanding that if it isn't in the basket, it doesn't get washed!! This has worked a treat and when she was moaning that something she wanted to wear wasn't clean she had no excuse grin Other than that, I ignore the rest of the room - it is a pit but that's down to her!!

I just say no one goes out at the weekend til the house is tidy and the chores are done. All of us move like lightning to do that grin

specialsubject Thu 28-Feb-13 10:58:39

most teens are fairly disgusting - it carries on when they leave home if not addressed now, although future flatmates will either put up or sort her out.

you are parent, not skivvy. Read riot act regarding food in the room and the fact that she will get mice or worse. Confiscate the hair straighteners and put the phone on pay as you go with a very limited budget. And time to teach her to use a washing machine.

coatonarack Thu 28-Feb-13 10:57:43

Mine too. Everything seems to be dumped on the floor so I can't even hoover even if I want to.

The only thing that gets me through this is that my half-sister was a nightmare growing up - wouldn't speak, had no friends, her room was a pigsty, she wouldn't go to college but went to work in a shop at 18. Now that she is in her 30s with a husband, 2 kids, a high-flying career in HR (having taken the courses secretly through night school) - SHE HAS A SPOTLESS HOUSE. So much so, that I feel embarassed about the state of my own dustry, smeary windowed abode.

So... time will tell. I love that dulux advert when the parents paint the walls bright yellow to get the son to move out!

TantrumsandBananas Thu 28-Feb-13 10:39:30

Yes, its horrid. Been there. I found that the way forward was to close the door, and leave them to it.

I used to clean it myself, pick up etc etc.

I put a wash basket in her room and said that if items weren't in it, they wouldn't get washed and closed the door.

It was hard, but now I just act like that room doesn't exist. The washing basket rule worked well (after realising that I really meant it). She knows when I roughly do the washing, and I can here a frenzied pick up going on the night before. On occasion, I have even heard the hoover in there.

Mine seems to have a clear out about once a month - then it all goes back to being a hovel til the following month.

I also put all her clean duvet covers etc in her bedroom too and told her that thats up to her too. The bed does get changed, not as often as I like, but it does.

I handed over responsibility to her, you live how you want sort of attitude.

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