Mumsnet Talk

Not really sure what to do anymore. I guess i just need a moan. My 13 year old son is being so horrible. He wont wash, he is aggressive, he wont tidy his room. I know its all normal teen stuff but he is so nasty. He needs new shoes every two months as he goes out of his way to destroy them. He does the same to all his clothes. He trashes his room.
His dad thinks it's funny. He left two years ago. Was very abusive towards me but never the kids. My son now thinks he can treat me like dirt just like his dad. I have a heart condition so often get tired. I work as a support worker doing very long hours. I try my best for my two boys but it never seems enough.
Tonight was the last straw. The eldest said as he is far more intelligent than me he doesn't have to listen to anything I say. He shoved me and I just feel so hurt by this. (Iguess he has a point as he has a very high Iq but it does hurt).
I'm starting to think making him live with his dad might be the best idea. I really don't know how much I can take from him to be honest. He's going to make me ill.
He used to be such a lovely boy. Kind, caring and helpful. I just wish i could get that boy back

Ok, so part of it is just normal obnoxious 13 year old (I have one). The shoving is not normal. The treating you with no respect is not normal. I don't think living with his dad would be a good option for your son as it sounds like his dad won't be a positive influence on him.

You work long hours. Are you around enough for him? (I work long hours too, I know how days can go by without a proper conversation with my 13 y.o.)

Yes. Tell them they should both live with their dad. Seriously, they cannot be pushing you and treating you with such contempt. Let their father have the shit tip bedrooms, the moods and tantrums and the hassle. there is no law says it has to be you.

I only work weekends but over friday to sunday i can be doing almost 40hours. It's the best i can manage as their dad is not paying much (and he expects babysitting money). I try to talk to both my boys and they do seem to understand that i have to be away with work a lot.

He needs new shoes every two months as he goes out of his way to destroy them. He does the same to all his clothes = don't replace them every two months, then he'll have no choice but to wear the stuff he's destroyed. Maybe he won't be so quick to do it next time.

13 year olds can be very abusive but the shoving is a definite no, no. Did he see his dad act this way toward you? If he's putting his dad on a pedestal and his dad is condoning his behaviour, maybe he is trying to copy his dad!

My friend split with her DD's dad a few years ago and from that time on, eldest DD was a right handful, with her behaviour spralling out of control and her threatening to go and live with dad every time she was punished. In the end she did. My friend knows the rules are lax in ex's house and DD doesn't have the same level of guidance but it is now ex's responsibility and when my friend sees her DD now they get on really well and spend lovely, quality time together.