My DD who turned 13 in November seems to have suddenly changed into a very angry and aggressive child over the past 3 months. We are at our wit's end and don't know where to turn.
Bit of background - she started having joint and back pain last summer and had morning headaches and nausea. She had a full investigation from a hospital consultant (including brain and spine MRI). Bloods showed she'd had glandular fever in the past (not recently though) and that her thyroid function was 'borderline' and that she tested positive for an antibody that could eventually lead to hypothyroidism which would need treatment with thyroxine. She is due to have her thyroid levels checked again in April. She has also been diagnosed with Joint Hypermobility Syndrome and is under the care of a physio.
She seems to have had a personality transplant at an alarming rate - is either very quiet and withdrawn (obsessed with her Blackberry phone which I will go into later) or very, very angry, picking fights, throwing hurtful insults at me, answering back and has now ramped it up lately by trying to physically intimidate me when she doesn't get her own way. Then she twists it back saying I'm a horrible, disgrace of a mother and she hates me and that the family are 'all freaks that annoy her into being angry'.
She was on report at school last week for not doing any homework and messing around in class. Rather than punishments we've been trying to go down the consequence route (read lots of good advice on here about this), I've asked her if there's anything apart from feeling angry that she wants to talk about but she tells me to 'go away, not telling you anything' etc etc. She ignores me for several hours a day, completely blanking me. She sleeps a lot after school, feels freezing and hides under a duvet on the sofa.
She hides away on Facebook and her Blackberry - both things that I bitterly regret allowing her to have free reign with. She locks her phone so that I can't see anything; it was taken off her last night (following a warning) due to her aggression towards me, DD2 and DS. She threatened to trash my room, followed me round the house chanting insults at me, plunging me into darkness and then switching the light on and off, lots of 'give me my phone back NOW'. The phone has gone to work with DP (her step dad who has been in her life since she was 4). I don't want to give her it back.
She is also deliberately winding up DS, making him anxious - he has ASD of which she's well aware, but she appears to enjoy being cruel to him and knows which buttons to press. She tries to intimidate DD2, calls her names like 'smelly tramp' over and over again.
I feel sad typing this as it paints such a bad picture of her. She's gone from being a lovely person to be around to someone I'm scared of in many ways. Other times she will be nice, but it doesn't last for long.
Sorry this is long and rambling; there's so much all going on at once it's really hard to put in any sort of order or not miss bits out.
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I don't know what's happening to DD (13). Really worried.
FlyingFig · 07/02/2013 10:37
Things have taken a downhill turn this afternoon. DD's form tutor rang today (spoke to her last week when DD was on report) and things have deteriorated further. She's been in trouble more times in the past five weeks than in the whole of year 7 (never been in trouble until now). I'd discussed the eating habits last week with the teacher and she'd looked at DD's canteen records for January; she's barely eating (maybe one or two hot meals a week at a push), sometimes buying a drink but most days nothing.
School welfare teacher is now involved as is the school nurse. Form tutor is hoping DD might open up to the school nurse. I've spoke to the GP who wants to see DD next week. I mentioned the GP appointment to DD and she's kicked off, telling me:
- I've ruined her life
- she will refuse to see the GP, I'm a grass and other peoples parents don't treat their children like this
- It's her body, she'll eat what she wants and do as she pleases at school and doesn't care.
- She's going to run away and kill herself, making sure she does it properly so that I have to go to the police station to identify her body
- I'm a liar when I say I love her
I tried to hug her and she told me to get away from her and then punched me
I am so worried, it's as if she's been taken over by someone else, I can remember my sister's wedding in September, she was a bridesmaid in a beautiful dress, happy and full of laughter, looking after the little ones, blowing bubbles, running around etc and in a matter of months have this angry person that hates me
Please help me decide how to deal with this, I feel so alone with it all x
Oh op what an awful situation watching a lovely daughter change so drastically sounds heartbreaking. I am so glad that the school and GP are taking this seriously. I doubt you will be able to address the issues until you find the cause 
I agree that it doesn't sound like hormones if she started her periods that long ago. Could she have an eating disorder? Would a referral to camhs be worthwhile? Good luck op
No advice, didn't want to read and run 
or 
I hope you get some solutions x
Thank you NaturalBlonde - been copious of all day but may well reach for a when I know DD is in bed for the night and not likely to start up again.
neolara - you've not alarmed me, I've been plumbing all sorts of depths in my mind trying to work out what the hell is happening She is very, very angry and it's come from nowhere.
I tried to have open a discussion with her about boys the other night - she shot me down, said she wasn't discussing boys with a freak like me, how embarrassing etc etc.
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