16 yr old DS1 in another strop (4 times a week usually) bec we wouldn't let him have wifi. Last night at bedtime he turns his music on full blast, other 2 younger ones can't get to sleep. We warned him 3 times to turn it down, in the end we switched off the sockets at the mains. So he decides to play his guitar very loudly, we were still calm, trying very hard not to blow. So we turned off the light switch. Whole house in darkness now. Also took away the guitar. Next thing he does is gathered all his GCSE books and left it in the hallway with a note saying he's not going to study anymore. My husband and I are hard working people, education is very important to us, this is like a slap in the face. We don't know what to do with him, increasingly his behaviour is getting worst, aggressiveness towards us and his siblings. So mouthy and disrespectful, for god's sake he even calls us names! Will we get done for tying him up in the garden? Am so desperate sometimes I feel like calling in the social workers. He's making our lives hell and he actually enjoys watching us cry and stress, seems like a game to him.
Hi, just like to thank you all and to sign off on this thread. Thanks for the constructive advice on establishing communication with DS1 and asking him how he see's his future if he decides not to study, this has been lacking on my side bec. I don't make much time for talking with the children, I have crap time managment, everything is rush rush rush. I will change.
Some readers think I am pathetic to insist and force DS1 to study, I need to explain, this is in my culture and my up-bringing, I cannot change this.
It's true my situation is trivial compared to some of things you have been through with your teens but in my culture, education is important i am not ashamed to admit this. In my inner circle of friends and relatives my DS1 will be considered as behaving badly, the fact that he speaks to his father the way he does is almost unheard of! I can't say 'well at least he's not mugging people', to make myself feel better. The level of tolerance we have for our teenager's behaviour varies depending on what we are use to seeing and have been through ourselves don't you think?
It's also true that they are mini adults and we should let them have their independence but they still need to be guided, some children are less mature than others at 16, my DS1 certainly is! He once took his dad's IPad whilst he was working just so he can get chased around the house! How can i let him decide on something important such as his education / GCSEs. It doesn't make sense. DS1 wanted to quit his piano when it became harder recently, I didn't give in to him even though it killed me every day nagging him to practice and offering him 'treats'. Well he has passed his Grade 8 now, I sense he is grateful somewhere deep down in his little heart that I did not let him quit.
I often get the 'I didn't ask to be born', that's true but as you are here, you are my responsibility. I will try and give him the best I can, the rest is up to him. A good education will give him a good start in life, if it all goes belly up when they are older they can't turn around and say I didn't help because I did. Thanks Mumsnet, it's been interesting 'talking' to many mums, hope to speak to you again on a lighter topic.
I found out my 14 year old son has been spending our money on cannabis last week. Suspected it for a few weeks and finally got proof. He also filmed everything on his phone - him and his friends pretending they were bad boy gangsters, smoking cannabis sat in an old car at the back of some flats. I have stopped all money for a month, grounded him for a month and taken his phone off him for a month. He still has his ipad and tv. I have learnt that if you take EVERYTHING away they just give up and don't see the point in bothering with anything. He is a good lad really and appreciates getting found out and punished. I definitely won't be backing down on the money or the phone - as it is coming up to half term and he has been very good I might let him out. I don't think I will lose face by doing this. If he wants to spend our money on cannabis again then we will repeat this again, maybe taking the ipad as well.
Believe me a lot of 16 year old boys are doing a lot worse than not doing enough homework/revision but I do understand how stressed the OP is because I was the same with my eldest son (who is now nearly 18) it was through our blood, sweat and tears literally that he passed his GCSEs, especially as he was truanting, getting excluded from school (once for possession of cannabis) and hanging round with a bad lot, staying out until all hours of the morning.
I know none of this probably helps as this will be the worst situation the OP has found herself in.