Moving home and school - how to make it easier for 13 year old?

[neva]

I am thinking of moving to a different city. The move makes sense in many ways - reduction of mortgage (important as my current job is not secure); proximity to parents (want to be able to support them as they grow older); more stimulating environment (have lived in current town for nearly a quarter of a century and need a change).

If I don't move now I fear it will get more and more difficult eg my advancing age will make it more difficult to find a new job in target city, and moving during school years 10 - 13 will be virtually impossible due to exams.

Eldest daughter who has left home is very much in favour of move as she loves my target city. Youngest daughter, 13, is adamant she doesn't want to move. The change of school and leaving her friends are her big worries.

She will be coming back to the town where we live now fortnightly to see her dad so there will be lots of chances to stay in touch with friends. And I am determined to get her into a good school in target city - even if it means going private for a couple years.

I am 100% sure that she will settle and be as happy if not happier than she is now...

My question is - how can I support dd through this and get her to think positively about it? At the moment she won't even talk about the idea. I don't even know if I will be able to get her to visit schools with me. Thanks.

[lljkk]

Gentle persuasion and modest bribery? "Let's go visit a school and we can go to a nice cafe afterwards"?

[neva]

Thank you lljkk. At the moment her friendship groups keep changing but even so she is very attached to her friends (on and off) and she seems to thrive on the ups and downs of her social life! I don't think she can imagine forging a new social life even though of course she will.

She is a very strong willed teen, and of course when she tells me I am being selfish she is sort of right. But ultimately I think she will benefit too.

I thought back to when I was 13 and asked myself if I would have minded moving and I don't think I would have. I would just have gone along with it and probably would have looked forward to the change. Not that I was unhappy, but I think I have always found the idea of change exciting rather than threatening.

Think I will have to persuade her to come with me to schools and see if the school we choose can suggest any ways to help her with the transition.

[lljkk]

We want to move house sometime in next 4 years and will face similar issues with at least some of DC. Good luck :).