16 year old birthday party

(31 Posts)
meggiepie Tue 15-Jan-13 21:49:15

My soon to be 16 year old daughter wants to have a party for her birthday. She wants me to agree to her and 2 friends renting a city centre apartment for 2 nights so she can party party party! My answer was NO WAY!! This has now caused major tantrums with me being left feeling the worst mother in the country. She threatning to leave home on her birthday as I am the only mother in the world who spoils the fun!! I have tried telling her that its very unlikely to happen but she just wont listen to reason. She now locked herself in her room tonight having yet another major tantrum. Its worse than dealing with a 2 year old!! My stress levels are reaching boiling point!! HELP!!!

specialsubject Sun 20-Jan-13 17:01:30

big brother must be out of his mind, and I really don't think it will happen anyway. The rental agency/landlord will know exactly what he wants it for, and will send him packing.

tell your brat that tantrums went out when she was a toddler. And not to try the' everyone else's mum's ' line because everyone knows that is a lie.

if she punches a door she pays for the damage, and for her own taxi to A and E.

sumrandomgirl Sun 20-Jan-13 15:41:22

Glad u were able to sit down an talk, makes life so much easier, stick to your guns on the apartment, She ain't old enuf to drink or smoke legally and renting a room is just silly....She can do it for her 18th when She can legally go out an drink round the town..

And as for ignoring the paddy, well done...bet it was hard at times, but only way to stop a fall out is by being the adult haha...I soon learned when i found myself arguing with a six yr old and getting more an more wound up.. haha xx

AtiaoftheJulii Sun 20-Jan-13 15:29:19

My (almost) 16 year old and 14 year old had a Halloween party - about 18/20 people, with dh and I upstairs. My girls had a couple of cans of cider. 3 girls arrived drunk, with a water bottle (sports bottle thing) 3/4 full of a concoction if spirits. Two of the drunk ones went out for a walk in the middle of the party, and I was wondering how responsible for them I was supposed to be. One of them was sick. And then I had to chuck an 18 year old boy out at 1am because he thought he was sleeping over with the last few 15/16 year old girls. So that was a small party and they knew parents were in the house - there is NO WAY I will be letting them do anything with less supervision for a while!

meggiepie Sun 20-Jan-13 15:07:53

Success yesterday on the tantrum front! I ignored when she kicked off and would not speak to her which she got more annoyed about, however I just kept walking away from the situation! Eventually she calmed down enough for a reasonable conversation!! We are not now going to discuss birthday party plans for the time being (I wont be giving in on the apartment for the weekend). Here is hoping I will have a peaceful week as there is a birthday party on next weekend and she wants to go!!! Thanks everyone for listening to my moans, its great to hear other views.

exoticfruits Fri 18-Jan-13 05:25:59

Sensible advice,sumrandomgirl.

sumrandomgirl Thu 17-Jan-13 18:02:46

Punching walls is hard to ignore...I had a fella who used to do that, sed it was so he didn't hit me....was coz he couldn't get his own way and this tactic used to work wiv his mum an ex girlfriends....a paddy is a paddy watever the age. Next time She kicks off let her do her worst, an a few hours later when u know she has calmed down ask her what she actually achieved by her actions, ask her if She thinks you have changed her mind. Point out that She is proving She to immature to even have a sleepover by the way she responds. And tell her once again that at the end og the day your the mum an She is the child and It will always be that way.
I tell mine I don't care if they think I am tight, I still know best an in a few yrs they will look back and realise.
It's hard these days to bring kids up correctly, so many parents dont know where their kids are or what they are doing coz its easier to say yes than face a fall out....but all they have are kids that will grow into adults with no real idea of how to behave as an adult.
My daughter is now 17, has her first serious boyfriend, went abroad for Xmas with him paid for by herself as She got an apprenticeship....I have had fights with her and slanging matches across the house an found ignoring her worked best...just as u would a 2 yr old haha

meggiepie Thu 17-Jan-13 17:51:13

Apparently one of the friends big brothers will rent for them if they pay for it!!!! I did ask will he take responsibility if its trashed as someone has to!!! Dont think that hits the radar with the teens!!

exoticfruits Thu 17-Jan-13 17:14:21

Apart from being a ridiculous idea, who in their right mind would rent out a city centre apartment to them?!

meggiepie Thu 17-Jan-13 16:59:35

chocoluvva, I have had that thrown at me to about her leaving home at 16! I said go ahead but did remind her that she would have to pay for herself, her accommodation, phone, food, makeup etc etc etc!! and first of all she would have to go find a job (she thinks thats easy), lets see how that goes lol.....Sumrandongirl, I am going to try your tactic of ignoring her when she tantrums, although sometime that is difficult as she starts punching doors etc!!! I did discuss with her last night her tantrums (which seem to have got worse recently) and she admits its cos she dont like me saying NO as she thinks I am the only mum that does. She said her friends mums dont ask where they are or what they are doing and dont check where they stay overnight!!! Unfortunately I am not that Mum!!! She said it would be easier if she lied to me!! I did explain to her that lies are not good and she is usually very good about telling me where she is and whats going on so I do have to give her credit for that I think she is really trying to test the boundaries these days which is a challenge. Teenagers eh!!! Thanks to all the responses it really is good to hear other peoples views and know that I am not alone and dont feel the worst mum on the planet!!!

chocoluvva Thu 17-Jan-13 09:58:44

Sorry - that was my first attempt at doing a link - the thread is called,
" they have broken me and I don't know how to carry on".

chocoluvva Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:21

Ah - apologies blush flow4's wise comments are on another thread have broken me.

chocoluvva Thu 17-Jan-13 09:51:13

Ah, her birthday's in April......

I'd remind her that the flat is out and tell her you're not going to discuss any birthday plans for a month as it's too early just now anyway. By that time, she'll hopefully probably have changed her mind anyway.

Around the time of my DD's 16th birthday - a few months ago - she took to frequently saying that she could do whatever she liked when she was 16. It took a lot of effort for me to avoid saying things like, 'But we're still in charge of the household/You might think that, but how will you fund plan X? etc" and I was in a cold sweat thinking I might have no control.

It was all bluster though....

I realised that my DD still wants parental approval and does value my opinion on lots of things BUT she also wants, as Flow4 puts it, increasing amounts of control, or freedom to make her own choices as I put it. The difficulty is that her choices sometimes don't meet with my approval.

Your DD either secretly doesn't want to have an all weekend party really, even though she'd like to be confident to enjoy the idea of that and her objections are really to her own confused feelings about it/growing up OR she'd love to do that even though it's a scary idea as well as an exciting one but ONLY if she thinks she's not displeasing you.

She just needs some time and space without the distraction of arguing about it and this will blow over.

sumrandomgirl Thu 17-Jan-13 07:59:27

Oh my....rent a room....no way....it will get trashed!!!!!
Let her stomp and shout and stress and call u all the names under the sun....we all know shouting gets u no-where. If She was a two yr old having a paddy u wud ignore the tantrums....do the same wiv her. I have a 17 yr old, and any time She reverted to childish tantrums I refused to discuss anything with her, and pointed out her behaviour shows me She isn't mature enuf and therefore She wont be doing whatever it was She had a paddy about.
I left her to stomp and scowl an spoke to her as though She was fine, saws her if She wanted tea etc but would refuse to be dragged into another fall out, She had been told what I thought and wat She was allowed to do an that was that, I am the mum an my word is final..drove her crazy wen I wouldn't take her on...

As for her leaving etc....She won't get far....its a paddy an nothing more, pushing the boundaries and that.

meggiepie Thu 17-Jan-13 07:46:26

Chocoluvva, my sentiments exactly why would I leave my teen and her friends unsupervised to party!! Am glad other parents are like minded. I certainly will not be giving into an apartment for 2 nights thats for sure! Normally me and my teen girlie have a wee week holiday in the sun for her birthday and she dont even want to do that! The party apartment is all that she wants!!!! Hopefully she will come round to a compromise soon or she will be getting nothing!! The birthday is not till April and the war has begun!!! PHEW!!!

Corygal Wed 16-Jan-13 22:16:21

Tell her what you are offering eg party at home with sleepovers. Explain it will be reduced the more she hysterics.

bevelino Wed 16-Jan-13 22:12:06

The problems that could arise if you agreed to your dd's party plans are entirely foreseeable and as she is still a minor you would be held entirely responsible (I can see the newspaper headlines already). I wouldn't be too troubled by the tanties and threats and you need to stand firm because if your stress levels are reaching boiling point now what state will you be in on the nights of the party, which I assume you haven't been invited to?

chocoluvva Wed 16-Jan-13 18:47:03

No parent IN THEIR RIGHT MIND leaves a huge bunch of unsupervised teenagers with alcohol and staying over!!!

And that's from a mum who let her nearly 16YO stay over at her BF's so it's not like I'm an overprotective sort.

Anyway, £450!!!! She's 16, not celebrating winning the lottery for goodness sake.

dexter73 Wed 16-Jan-13 18:16:45

We agreed to my dd having 15 friends over in September while we went out for a meal at the local pub, they agreed to not play music too loud etc. We left at 7.30 and returned at 11pm to find 40+ teenagers and 2 policemen. Needless to say parties at our house have been banned!

meggiepie Wed 16-Jan-13 17:54:57

Oh she told me its £450 and one of her pals brothers is going to rent it for them!! I have explained all the things that can go wrong and if the police get called etc, it falls on deaf ears, as she says nothing will go wrong (how many times I have heard that before!). I have offered to let her have use of our house till 1pm where some friends can come but that aint good enough cause they dont want an adult present (that makes me suspicious)!! According to my teen, at some of her friends houses the parents allow smoking, drinking and people staying over etc whilst the parents go out for the night (do parents do this for their 16 year olds???) The drama continues.........

dexter73 Wed 16-Jan-13 16:57:42

I think you should get her to go to a letting agent and ask how much it would be for her to rent an apartment for the weekend for an unsupervised teenage party - just to see the look of horror on the agents face!

chocoluvva Wed 16-Jan-13 09:43:25

Teenagers (especially girls) want to argue with you so they can blame you for their problems and vent their frustrations. Don't get sucked in and don't worry about her doing something extreme - it's usually all bluster.

You've explained why her plan is unworkable. She'll come up with another daft plan by tomorrow or enjoy being unbelievably hard done by/treated sooo unfairly/having a very unfair mum who knows nothing as she's incredibly old....... grin

Aldwick Wed 16-Jan-13 09:40:09

Just a thought but has she met someone maybe? A new man can still temporarily change the personalities of people I know in their 40s - especially if they're trying to impress them!

meggiepie Wed 16-Jan-13 07:28:33

Thank you everyone for your response, it good to hear other parents views! I have discussed all implications with the teen about her birthday request but "I know nothing" all the other parents kids let them!! I have suggested I meet with the other parents to discuss but that as you can imagine did not go down well. I am at my wits end with my girl, the past few weeks have been testing! Its as if she woke up a few weeks ago a totally unreasonable person as she is normally a lovely girl who works hard at school and got great results in her exams. Now she turned into a teenage tyrant overnight! and guess what, its all my fault!!! Its kinda hard to take however I am trying hard!! ps. she still stomping about this morning so no doubt another frought day for me!!!

Monty27 Wed 16-Jan-13 00:55:20

Threaten her with no celebration if she persists on tantrums.

chocoluvva Wed 16-Jan-13 00:49:13

Just ignore the tantrum, OP and she'll calm down. She won't really leave home.

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