DS infidelity ... (long post)

(10 Posts)
raskolnikov Wed 05-Dec-12 21:32:37

I know it isn't, I won't allow anyone to stay over now that I know, its more the fact that he's so blatant about it, he must really think he can fool them.

LongTimeLurking Wed 05-Dec-12 17:57:54

Of course you have the right to insist that none of this two-timing is going on under your roof and you should enforce that right.

However, the actual behaviour is his choice..... he is 20, both gfs are of legal age (albeit 16 is too young for 20yo in most peoples opinion) so it really is none of your business to be blunt.

raskolnikov Wed 05-Dec-12 14:23:42

I know it sounds harsh, but I'm waiting for the day when he meets someone he really falls for, who then treats him like dirt ... a taste of his own medicine sad

HungryHippo89 Wed 05-Dec-12 13:19:51

I think the only way he will learn is when GF1 deceides enough is enough and ends it with him ... She will never have his respect since she keeps taking him back. Hopefully when/if she does it will make him realise it's not a normal way of life - As a parent there isn't a lot you can do that you aren't already doing (not letting the other girls round to stay etc) I think this is a lesson that can't be taught by you and will have to come from his walkover girlfriend

raskolnikov Wed 05-Dec-12 08:23:56

Thank you for your comments. Its so difficult to watch, one GF he was stringing along was so lovely, I felt quite protective of her for a number of reasons and to see him play them off against each other was awful, she didn't tell her family when they split up (again) so when I saw them I had to watch what I was saying...

I think it stems from insecurity, but to watch him behaving like this and talking as if he has to fend the girls off is creepy ... there's a lovely boy under there somewhere sad

ohfunnyface Wed 05-Dec-12 08:12:17

Christ, it sounds like your son is dating my sister. I just despair.

You've tried and hopefully if you keep trying he'll listen.

ContinentalKat Wed 05-Dec-12 07:47:47

X-post!

ContinentalKat Wed 05-Dec-12 07:47:05

You're right, this is totally unacceptable. But nothing will change until his gf wakes up and puts her foot down!

A friend of mine behaved in exactly the same way, until his wife finally had enough and divorced him. It took him a good 2 years to recover from the shock, but he has changed and is happily married for the 2nd time. No more cheating - he knows his wife would never tolerate it.

icovetthee Wed 05-Dec-12 07:40:13

You don't. He is a grown man and he knows your disapproval. If he's not bringing them home and you're not prepared to potentially butt in and wreck things by telling GF1 all you can do is sit back and watch him make his mistakes.

While your ex may have a part to play this is also common behaviour regardless and he does it because he can. Because he always has GF1 to fall back on when he gets bored with the others. Why wouldn't he if he was getting the best of all his worlds?

He needs a lesson and that lesson will only come from one of his girlfriends twigging and giving him an earful & ending it.

raskolnikov Wed 05-Dec-12 07:35:17

Hi everyone - hoping for some words of wisdom here ...

I'm not sure if this is the place for this as my DS1 is 20 now, but the issues have been going on for several years and MN has helped me before.

Ex and I split up 5 years ago and of course my 3 DCs have been affected by it to a greater or lesser extent in different ways. DS1 is very similar to his Dad and has always looked up to him. He left me for OW who is 15 years younger than him (I am 5 years older) and my DS has been in and on/off relationship with a girl for all of that time. She is a year older than my DS. The problem is that he seems to think its ok to maintain relationships with other girls while he is seeing her. They split up for a few months and he spends some time without a GF, and then they get back together and I realise that he's seeing someone else too. We are on about the 6th or 7th episode of this happening. Apparently he is now seeing a 16 yr old girl who lives nearby (his GF lives 100 miles away) and is a friend of my DS2s GF. He's met her family already. There have been occasions where he's tried to bring another GF home overnight shortly after the original GF has stayed. Of course as soon as I realised the plan I told him it was never going to happen and explained that this behaviour was unacceptable. So he hasn't had anyone staying now for several months, until last weekend when GF1 stayed. The next morning my DS2 told me about the other girl.

To my mind this reflects his Dad's attitude to women but I'm at a loss to see how to explain how completely unacceptable it is. He seems to have no respect for his GF at all, and was astonished when I said he appeared to be sleeping with 2 or more girls at once and that my DS2 and DD thought he had several GFs on the go. He says they are just friends of course.

The fact that this keeps happening over and over again amazes me - the GF keeps taking him back and wants to settle down with him. She's very wealthy and attractive so keeps him hooked (he's materialistic and narcissistic). How on earth do I get him to a place where he has a normal one on one relationship?

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