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... when you've just realised he's stolen £20 from where you, optimistically, had it hidden. By far, not the first time this has happened, but now that his elder sisters have left home, he's the only one here and I know it was him, although he's denied it, and told me where to go in the bargain.

Sigh.

I had this situation last year Sod, only it was a lot more than £20

I was extremely stressed out and am not 100% sure I remember correctly, but I think he asked for cash for his birthday, and I didn't give him any, because I thought he would spend it on drugs. I took him to buy new trainers and jeans (which he needed anyway), and told him that was it under the circumstances.

If this is anything other than a one-off aberration, buy yourself a cash box and/or fit a lock on your bedroom door. I wish I had done it earlier. It's grim, but stealing is one of the few bits of teenage bad behaviour you can control, by keeping your money and valuables locked away.

I know. Over the years I have had hundreds of pounds stolen. When all three were at home, I wouldn't know which one of them had taken it. For a long time I have not left more than spare change in my purse, don't leave my handbag downstairs, have a lock on my bedroom door. It's no way to live. On occasion I let down my guard and, even with the best hiding places, still get robbed. If it was something I could prove, the birthday present he would be getting would be a visit from the Plod. I'm just so disappointed, again.

Ah, you're an old hand at this too then Sod

One thing I learned the hard way: there are no 'best hiding places'. Locking it all away is the only thing to do, until they break this nasty habit.

It is no way to live.

There is hope though, Sod... My DS has stopped taking the drugs that were costing him money he didn't have, and hasn't stolen from me for about 6 months now. He says he won't again.

I still keep locking things up though...

Thanks, flow, it sounds as if things are looking up for you. That's really wonderful. Fingers crossed.

Apart from feeling thoroughly fed up with my son, I feel sad as I have no desire to do anything for his birthday, and birthdays should be important. Mind you, I haven't received so much as an acknowledgement from him for mine for about 4 years... A couple of years ago I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, and he said "for you to f off". Which I have done ever since, leaving him to his father, from whom I have been separated for many years.

I may buy him a card. He's already had any money that might have been inside it.

It's heart-breaking isn't it?

I had one birthday when DS1 didn't make any effort at all. Another couple of birthdays/Christmases when he got something from the Pound shop and folded a bit of paper in half to make a card, 5 minutes before he gave it to me. At least one year when he stole money from me to buy me a present. And one year when he ate the birthday cake which DS2 had lovingly made for me.

This year, for the first time ever, he actually saved a bit of his own money (and went without cigs for it) and wrote me a letter saying he didn't know what he would do without me.

Things are looking up... Though it feels dangerous to hope...

Your DS will probably pass through this nasty selfish stage too, you know.