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Teenagers Trying to Fit in.....TOO MUCH!(45 Posts)
I am having a few problems with my soon to be Teenager, he has always been a 'loner' or as his friend say 'a die hard xbox child', so now he has some friends, he seems to be trying way too hard to fit in with them.
I remember being a teenager (almost) but I never put my life at risk, maybe I am over-reacting but a few weeks back I had 4 boys for a sleepover... I know Crazy BUT I am single parent and my x didn't allow any children in the house, never mind a sleep over, something happened at this sleep-over and I am still trying to get my head round it, I have no idea if its a normal almost teenage thing but, it was quite bizarre and 'the friends' or 'the friend' (ringleader) who was responsible seems to find it hilarious, I didn't tell any parents are I felt the incident was my fault, but if I am honest it happened at 1.00am and I was in my bed reading and no idea what they were up to. I did keep an eye on them, they even tried to go out around 10.00pm and they were locked in and told to go to sleep sometime soon...PLEASE.
I guess what I am asking is this normal to try so hard to 'fit in' with the 'in crowd'?
My child almost did severe damage to his-self, some people I tell find it funny, I don't at all. No more 4 children sleep-overs ever!
I am a bit scared of fire tbh. A friend of mine, well we all used to play in some garages when younger, I (no idea why), a friend of mine was with another friend and they were smoking in a garage, one dropped a lighter and the garage went on fire, my poor friends face is/was a mess, they moved away but i I am honest and I feel terrible about it now, he scared me so much, he was very badly burnt, so I did possibly overreact but, in a good way.
I was horrified
This thread has made me laugh and reminded me of the time my brother and his friend were messing around in the shed. There was a loud 'woof' noise and they both bolted out with singed hair and eyebrows as they had been messing around with matches and a camping gas canister. I of course, being about 10 at the time, thought it was absolutely hilarious! Not sure my parents thought it was very funny.
SS no worries I am free almost every Friday/Saturday £2.50 per hour? Very low maintenance I am
I haven't even told you about the 'energy drink' talk....or the 'chocolate' or the erm... 'fizzy juice', maybe I need to shut up for a while ...
Sorry I keep name-changing I shall keep this one, I like it!!
We haven't had the hair on fire but there was a strip waxing incident on a school trip.
OP I love your condom talk.
May I hire you by the hour?
Got one 2Quiet You keep your identity my quite friend.. I think this one suits me....
<wanders off to find self>
I think I will keep this for today
Oh sorry I will go remove my NOT I need a christmassy name anyway... 5 minutes I need a think.....
NQQ So now I have an identity crisis
I too am acquainted with the smell of singed hair, but mainly from bunsen burner misadventure rather than in-class acts of arson.
My brother and his friends were praised in the local press when they were about 12 for their heroism in stopping the spread of a woodland fire. I seemed to be the only person vaguely wondering how the fire started in the first place...
I felt I had to do the condom talk at some point, we have many talks, I just wanted to get the point across that you don't just wear the condom to prevent pregnancies and there are diseases around too, they did ask what diseases, I ran out them after herpes, crabs and Aids....
I do worry sometimes as I don't just give mine the talk, there are usually 2 or 3 of them... I cannot help it though, they ask so many questions.
With the drugs I know that 'just say no doesn't work' I was taught this as was my brother, he ended up in Mental Asylum for barking at a washing machine. Sadly we stay in area with lots of drugs so I felt if I cannot move him away (because all his friends are here) I must warn him off all drugs....
HE thinks I am crazy as he tried my vodka one night, apparently it is disgusting I didn't tell him I mix it with juice, let him think alcohol is disgusting... actually I wonder if he needs the 'alcoholic talk'???
Oh I will save it for later tonight....
I have to add my children have never seen me drunk, my father scared the life out of me when I was young by coming home pissed and waking us up with slobbery kisses and declaring 'I know I never tell you but I love you'
get off me you piss head and then cooking food and falling asleep every Friday night, so I try not to drink with children here.
Teenagers are great. Lots of fun, they develop adult sense of humour too. Besides, it's like reliving all my own teenage stupidities, only this time I can laugh at their disasters (usually when they aren't around, not good to provoke them pointlessly).
Just because it's normal doesn't mean you don't bollock him for it. You definitely do.
I guess what folk are saying is don't get freaked out. A well deserved lecture & then draw a line under it.
I like the condom talk, too. He'll cringe in years to come thinking about it, but you got the words in while you still had lots of influence and all that cringing will keep your advice crisp in his mind.
It's said that the more precious & wonderful you make sex sound, the more likely they are to see it that way, themselves. Not in a forbidden fruit way, but rather that they don't want to waste the opportunity to make the experience special and a nice memory. First make sure it's the right person, right circumstances, rightplace, etc. Don't treat it as seedy or disease ridden, but too special to do in anything over than a reverential way.
Thank you. I think if I lost the 'sense of humour' I would 'lose the will to live'
I have just the 12 year old another talk.......
Everyone has fallen out with Brian, so Brian came to the door and I said 'come in son' (he's not my son but in Scotland we cal everyone son)
he said: No its okay I just want you to ask your 12 year old one thing?
Me: Yes, what is it son?
Brian: Well I thought we were friends?
Me: Oh dear what has happened now....
Brian: They have all fallen out with me
Me: don't worry Brian, I will talk to him when he comes home, he need so stop being a follower, I take it some other child fell out with you first?
Brain: Yes, now all of them
Me: Okay, don't worry he will be on the phone within the house..
Brian: I like your 12 year old but i swear if Scott and Bob come near me I will punch them
Me: Don't rise to them Brian, you are better than them, that little Bob is a shit, don't worry I will talk to 12 year old soon and he will be phoning you soon
Brian: Well I'm not coming out tonight
Me: Okay, don't worry about this at all, I assure you my child will call soon..
So in strolls my child...
Me: What have you been up to today?
Child: Nothing I bought 2 chocolate brownies
Me: Nice, what else
Child: Nothing else its a half day....
Me; Oh okay so all friends today then?
Me; Just curious you fall out weekly
Child: Well actually everyone except me has fallen out with Brian but i am still his friend but shouldn't see him at break to tell him
Me: Good, what have I told you about this following friend things?
Child: I know but if I don't fall out with Brian then Bob will fall....
ME: STOP IT, I don't care about Bob he is a shit, you have you're own mind USE IT, quit the following go phone Brian, but he is not playing tonight
Child: Oh okay why is he not coming out
Me: Think about it child......
Child: I don't know is he grounded (thick as shit)
Me: NO you are ganging up on him quit it
Child: Oh okay was he crying
Me: NO just upset
Child: Okay can I phone him please
Me: No he isn't home yet
Child: When can I phone him?
ME: BE QUIET STOP THE REPEATING THINGS
Child: Yeah well you are too busy on your laptop I mean my laptop
Me: I AM NOT
Child: Yes you are look at you
Thankfully I get tonight off.... no doubt they will come back though, I may hide the car...
NotQuiteQuiet you are cracking me up! I think you'll be fine if you hang on to your humour.
Ds1 is ok as teenagers go. He still went through a phase of trying to blow up deodorant cans though. I'm sure your ds will get over it too.
That's a good thought Maryz, I may lower the ''girlfriend and baby' age limit to laugh at him, my son gets annoyed when I say 'if you behave you can have this house when I die'.
He answers that with 'stop it Mum you have another 50 years to go'
He found my savings account for my funeral, he took it badly, I had to pretend it was to send him to University.
I am not a big fan of the 'death talk', he wants details, my answer to that is, I don't bloody well know, everyone has a different story about death, but I haven't been dead yet I'm sure it is fine though...!
Yes or even
My brain is still in bed sleeping soundly....
I was a good child. It isn't fair.
I am waiting for ds1 to have teenagers. I hope I'm still alive so I can point and laugh.
As you can see I am easily amused also....
I do try to keep the communication lines open, sometimes they do lie last week it was 'Mum everyone is ganging up on Brian because he fancies someone'
Me: That's okay children do this
Child: Okay but she is black
Me: That's fine, it just because he is using his own mind
Child: I lied, it's you he fancies and I hate it, please can you talk to him and tell him not to fancy you
Me: Child come-on he IS 12
Child: Why are you laughing I don't like it
Me: Child listen to yourself, he is 12 he will have moved on by next week
Child: Well I punched him in the tummy anyway
Me: Okay.....I guess no sleepovers their this week then
Brian comes in for my child.
Child Hey Brian or should I call you Dad?
Me: Yes very good boys, go play n the gardens of something please, bye bye.
Notquite I was thinking last night I am sure I had a hair incident at school I remember the burning hair smell.
If I am honest I was a nightmare of child, I was a big fan of leaving home, fortnightly, to go live with my Nan, I also liked to climb down the drainpipe when grounded, I also hit my Mum with a wrapped up tea-towel for daring to 'keep me in'.
I will stick with it, I dread my hyperactive 8 year old turning 12 though, he is a nightmare already, to keep him in, if I dared to 'keep him in' he tries every way possible to escape the 12 years old carry him in, locked the door from outside and post they keys through
As an aside, I love the fact that the two posts above me are written by Quite and Notquite
Keep encouraging the boys to come to your house, Quite. That way you have some idea what they are up to (even if it is setting each other on fire, at least in your house you can deal with it).
I find boys that age just like hanging around. They can either do it in someone's house, or they will do it in the local park where they will meet much older and more streetwise boys, and set fire to more than eachother.
Remember, pick your battles, and as long as you keep the lines of communication open you will survive the teenage years.
One of my daughter's classmates set fire to another boy's hair with a lighter in class last week.
I have to say the boys just now, mine and 4/5 friends like nothing better than spending a Friday/Saturday night in with me having chats.
Some Most of them are from families which have broken up, one has an alcoholic mother, poor boy, my suggestion to him was, don't drag your mum out of' the pub' nightly, go live with non alcoholic Dad, he did.
Another one lives with g/parents as his mum takes heroin, I don't say a lot to him as he is mouthy little bugger, he has no idea they take heroin hejust knows they smoke tin foil
I like to give them 'talks'
The plan is the boys go away to give me a break, so they go to grans, come back 20 minutes later and annoy the life out of me
I love the sound of that chat . And great to have it now he is 12; by 14 he won't be in the same room as you long enough to hear more than a sentence (unless you are waving a £20 note).
I was terrified at first, I thought an alien had invaded my child. See they take the crap out of you constantly and start having random mood-swings over x boxs disc I now just talk it all out, I have learned, 'never take the piss' they take is very personally and try get you back via grandparents, well mine does.
I asked/toldmine 'do your maths homework please'
Child 'do I have to'
Me: Yes it... okay what is 5 x 5
Child:I don't know....
Me: Erm.. 5 x 4
Child: I don't know
Me: 2 x 5 (fuck he is thick as shit)
Child:Nope I don't know that either
Me: Okay we shall leave it until tomorrow (shit must get maths tutor tomorrow)
Mum by the way I know all those answers you just annoyed me yesterday....
Damn, I'm dreading the teenage years. It sounds, Scary.
Yes well I can only hope he has a fear of bridges like I did/do and says clear of the river and sea....
I just bought him a nice Lynx set via Tesco, I may hide that, give it to a brother or my Dad
I have no idea why I pointed 'DS use your Armani aftershave', I kinda meant after shaving... (yes he shaves he is over-developing - 12 years old and 6ft1 so I have to look up to him to give him a talking too) I guess this is why he is trying to 'fit-in', he thinks he will never have a girlfriend as he is too tall, I explained that by 18/19, everyone else will have grown up too and he will love his height, still no girlfriend until he 21 though
I have gave him the 'condom' talk, rounding it up (sorry to ladies with DDs but I'm saving a young pregnant person here) I said girls are full of diseases, they may look pretty and sweet but you do not know where they have been, they may say they have only has 'relations' with one boy BUT where has that boy been, he has been round 16 girls, so most likely has a disease, so always protect yourself from the diseases.
That was followed by 'but what about a baby'
jesuschristanothertalk by the time you have known a girl for 2/4 years you send her to be tested, to ensure she is disease free, then you can think about babies but we are talking 34 years old here, so, you will by then have been to University have a fantastically well paid job and a very nice car and a mortgage once all those things are in place you can think about 'a baby', you must give you brain a long time to develop, do not do what I did and get married at 21, I was not fully matured and neither was my brain.... End of...
'So Mum when you met Dad did you get checked?'
Of course not I wasn't a slapper/slut/slept around I had 2 long term relationship
unfortunately one of them your delightful father spermdonor
'Oh okay Mum what about drugs'....[scared]. ...... I won't even go into the drug talk... heroin makes yo talk and walk slow and all your teeth falls out and you crave for the chemist daily as you get put on green stuff by the government and it sticks to your bones and your teeth your teeth fall out in 2 weeks, and the green stuff rots them away and eventually your brain cells and you die....basically all drugs make your brain cells freeze or your nose cave in, or speed keeps you awake for life and you never sleep again so you have to take pills for life for a 3 hour sleep, acid makes spiders crawl into your head and eats at the cells all resulting in the same - you die!!!
I think I am getting the hang of these teenagers children things.
So glad I ended up with dds... QuiteQuiet your ds sounds gloriously normal! Compared to the stories of 'what we got up to back in the dorm at (insert public school of your choice here)' I've heard when DP and his old school chums are halfway down a bottle of single malt, positively tame... All the best
ds and his friends used to spray lynx on each other's t-shirts and set each other on fire.
And then roll around on the floor laughing .
All teenage boys are risk-takers and rule breakers. This is normal behaviour. As is seeing how many tealights you can light on the dining room table before the flame reaches the ceiling [bitter]
This is why you don't leave them home alone.
And don't mention the jumping from the local motorway bridge into the reservoir .
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