So... Should I go...?

[flow4]

I'm supposed to be going away for the weekend with DS2 (12). It has been arranged for a long time (about 8 months). It's a break with a lot of other friends - his and mine. We both want to go...

I'd be leaving DS1 (17) home alone. I haven't done that for about 15 months, largely because I haven't felt I could trust him. I have had lots of problems with him this year (as some of you will know) - including college drop-out, drug-taking and a burglary that was carried out by someone who had our key (who was therefore almost certainly one of his friends someone he had invited into our home). However, we have had two very settled months, he is back in college, and he is much happier and better behaved. :)

On the one hand, it would be good to trust him again... On the other hand, I don't quite...

So, should I go?

And/or are there any things I could do to make me feel like it would be OK to go?

[Brightspark1]

I'm not sure anything anyone says will make you feel relaxed about going, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go, especially if DS2 is looking forward to it.
Have you discussed your expectations and boundaries with DS1? He may rise to the occasion, especially as he is in a better place at the moment.
But to be on the safe side I suggest bribery!
Have a great time

[flow4]

Not yet. I haven't even mentioned the possibility to DS1 yet... Because I don't want to give him time to plan haven't decided what I want to do yet.

DS2 is looking forward to it. We had a similar invitation in July, but he went with friends and without me, because there was no way I felt able to leave DS1 home alone then.

Bribery hadn't even occurred to me! Any suggestions for a suitable bribe, folks?!

[gemblags1980]

I think you should go with your younger son, as he is really looking forward to it and seams to want you to go with him, and it dosent seem fair not to do that just because of you other son, even though I can understand why you would be worried.

You do have to start trusting you other son, sometime as well, but I think before you go, you should sit down with him, and agree any consequences for unacceptable behaviour, and be clear and specific as to what that behaviour is. On the flip side, could you agree some rewards for doing what is asked.

If you have family near by and it's appropriate you could ask them to check in, just to make sure he is ok, I don't mean every hour , or anything over the top.

Before you start the discussion, be clear with your son, why you are doing what you are doing what you are doing and praise him for how far he has come,

You can keep it light, but just make sure he knows. Have a great time!

[flow4]

Oh it is reassuring to hear you've done it and there were no disasters, Maryz :)

Locking up stuff happens routinely anyway... Being vague about my return is a good idea...

Thanks :)

[flow4]

Hahaha, no don't worry, I take full responsibility for my decisions!