Teens and money/pocketmoney

[mrsm68]

I have a DS 15yrs and DD 16yrs.

DS has a paper round and he also gets money from us on an adhoc basis. This involves most days him saying 'can I have some money?' This I find very annoying, yet when I think about it, it probably only adds up to at most, £30 ish per month because it is often a pound here and there and then occasionally £10 if he is going out somewhere (cinema etc). He is not good with money and tends to ask for stuff all the time. To which he gets a no unless of course I feel he needs it, ie new shoes, clothes essentials. He is currently saving his paper round money to buy his girlfriend a birthday present then Christmas present.

DD has just started college and is said to be looking for a part time job all though this has been very half hearted so far. We pay £20 into her account by S/O each month and this is all she has. She rarely asks for money and has very little interest in shopping. Now that she is at college though the expense has increased with bus fares and wanting money for lunch because it is too embarrassing to take a packed lunch like she did at school. When she wants to go to town to meet friends she asks me to take her and pick her up but if I suggest that she gets the bus and pays with her own money she is very put out and we end up arguing.

This situation was never thought out or planned, it has just evolved over the years. And looking at it now written out it seems a bit unfair and unbalanced.

I admit that I have been soft with them over the years, never made them help at home to earn their money because it was easier to do it myself than put up with the grief that I would get from them.

What do you all do, what system do you have in place? Any suggestions would be good.

[mrsm68]

Anyone?

[pinkbraces]

When my DD started 6th form we agreed an allowance of £120 per month, this included travel, lunches (although she was allowed to take packed lunch and save the money) going out, make up etc. She also had a couple of part time jobs, youth leading, and tea timed for a young family twice a week.

Out of her wages she had to pay for her phone and save some.

It worked well very well for us.

[skyblue11]

I think £20 per month is pretty meagre, especially as you're not very willing to her up and expect her to bus it!!
What do you do about clothes for her, if she wants to go out to the cinema or a meal and what about her lunches?
We give DD £10 per week, she also gets £10 per week from her Nan, this pays for some of her fares. I also buy her clothes and pick her up all of the time, I'd rather do that and know she's OK than stand around waiting for buses in the dark.

[LaurieFairyCake]

That's not a lot of money - wouldn't you be better and have less aggravation if you just gave them an allowance with which to buy everything from? Then you wouldn't have a load of discussion about it. You can always say that's your lot unless you get a part time job.

If you can afford it obviously.

I give 14 year old dd £32 a month, £10 for phone top-up plus some for clothes if she needs anything.

[mrsm68]

Just to add to that. Neither of them get a the bus we pick up and drop off everywhere. I just suggested it the other day when it was mid week and she wanted to meet a friend in town during the day (no waiting around in the dark ever!)

We pay for all clothes, presents for friends/family, contract phones, toiletries, lunches, just about everything that you can think of.

[SecretSquirrels]

I think you need to think of an allowance for each of them and be very clear about what it does and does not have to cover.They are only a year apart but I have a DS who has just started 6th form and certainly the costs are greater.

I have DS1 16 and DS2 14.
DS1 gets £30 a month plus I pay for his phone.
DS2 gets £20 a month plus phone.

These must cover sweets, entertainment and family presents. They don't have to pay for clothes, birthday gifts for friends or for entertainment when out with family.
They both have a current account so I can pay some in on-line and give some cash.
I'm reviewing them both at the moment as I think DS1 needs to have more responsibility and practice at budgeting. Neither have jobs and they don't often ask for more.

[shineygoldpenny]

DS is 14 and gets £50 per month, plus phone. It is supposed to be so that he can have a bit of independence and go out with his mates at weekends (cinema etc) but it rarely happens and he usually spends it on XBox games.

He is not expected to buy clothes with it but, if he wants a label, he sometimes contributes something towards it.

[sleeze]

£20 is really not very much.

Since starting sixth form my ds gets £50 monthly allowance from us. We buy him an annual bus pass which gets him to college but he can use at other times too. He has a job but the hours are quite variable so some months he earns loads, other months not much. He buys all his own clothes, pays for his phone and entertainment.

[VivaLeBeaver]

My 11yo gets

£22 a month pocket money
I top her phone up but this is only about £5 a month.
£15 a week for school dinners.
I buy her clothes

And I'm still always giving her the odd £ for sweets or today she got £20 for lunch, bus fare and shopping trip with her mates. (inset day).

[BackforGood]

My 16 yr old gets £16 a month off us, and my 13 yr old £13 a month.
They pay for their own phones out of this and any going out / spends they want.
We pay for 'subs' for things they belong to, they pay if they choose to do something expensive (eg cinema) in their leisuretime. Where we live, they can mostly walk to places, and we are happy to give them lifts if it is further afield, so rare for them to have to pay bus fares or train fares. When they do, I'll pay if it's to get to an activity, and we can't take them, but they pay if it's something they've just chosen to do in their own time, with their mates - say going into town for a mooch round.

ds likes to spend, and dd likes to save. They've both chosen to get a job/ 2 jobs to supplement their income.

[out2lunch]

i do what you do op
it works for us

[FizzyLaces]

OMG I am obviously too generous. My 15 yo get £15 pw. And I pay her dinners, phone and travel. She does save and has to buy her own unnecessary clothes and gifts for people, though.

She is saving 7.50 a week for an ibook thing which I will pay half for if she has saved enough by Christmas.

Mind you, she does a lot at home and often does bath/stories etc for dd aged 4 while I die quietly on the sofa after another mammoth day at work :)

[bevelino]

I give my dd's aged 13 and 15 £10 per week each and they use this money to buy small items for themselves and save up if they want to buy gifts for friends etc. They are not expected to use the money for travel, clothes, food etc as they are too young. I am teaching them how to budget and they know that there is no point asking for more money. That doesn't stop them trying though. Teenage girls are capable of shifting large sums of money but my girls understand money doesn't grow on trees.

[deleted203]

I think you have to base it mostly on what you can afford, TBH. It's no use me saying I agree that £120 a month is reasonable (which actually, £30 a week, yeah it probably is). I've got 5 DCs. And I haven't got £600 a month going spare for pocket money, quite frankly.

I made it clear to teens when they got old enough to work that if they wanted money they had to. We didn't have it. Simple as that. We are lucky to live in an area where holiday jobs are easily come by, but actually 3 of mine waitressed/bar at local hotel which is all year round. One does paper round/babysitting/sold rock in summer, etc. Are there no Saturday jobs around? I don't make anyone work - but I can't afford to give pocket money. I put roof over your head, feed and clothe and buy essentials. If you want money for clothes/makeup/nights out/phone/cinema, etc you earn it. Grandad kindly gives £5 pocket money per week. DS1 didn't bother work til 16 because his wants were small. DDs have all worked from age of 14 because their wants/needs were huge! It's not a bad lesson to learn in life. You want stuff? You work for it. They also all have chores around the house. We all live here and therefore we all help out. Perhaps big families are more used to this.

[3nationsfamily]

I got totally fed up being a walking cash machine and decided at 13 My DD needed to learn to budget. She gets £30 per month into a bank account and out of this she has to pay entertainment, presents for friends, and any random Claires/ Primark/ HMV junk she wants to buy. I pay for her phone (£10 pm contract) and a monthly bus pass as well as her sporting fees which are significant. This has worked really well as it seems to be enough money for her to have freedom to go to the movies and out to friend's birthdays but not so much that she can spend without thinking. I buy clothes but within reason e.g. one pair of denim shorts vs the 3 additional pairs in different colours she boutght in Primark out of her own money!

[orangeandlemons]

When my ds was at college, I matched the EMA allowance which was then £30.00 per week.

[mumblechum1]

Our ds gets £200 for spending money and lunches, I pay his phone and most of his clothes.

He also earns about £80 a month.

£20 is very little imo. I'd spend that in a couple of days without actually doing anything much

[mysteryfairy]

DS age 16 and in lower sixth gets £100 per month by standing order. I pay his mobile phone contract, he has an annual school coach pass paid for and lunches are included in his school fees so he doesn't have to buy them. He has to wear a suit for school and all his formal wear is bought by me. He is supposed to buy his own casual clothes. In reality he buys a few band t shirts and gets jeans, underwear etc paid for by me and wrapped up as birthday extras. He is supposed to pay for things himself but he is a master at ensuring I pay for most things e.g. Will come for a haircut when his little sister is having hers trimmed so I pay for his too, accompanies me to sainsburys when he wants to stock up on deodorant and shampoo. Alcohol for parties is another contentious one. I like to be in control of what and how much he is drinking so I buy and provide this in sensible quantities, but obviously it's not really appropriate to take money off him for this.

[gettingeasier]

Well I think £5 a week for a 16yo is very low especially if you are asking her to cover bus fares out of it

DS 16 gets £80 and DD13 £60 per month and I pay for their phones. From that they have to pay for all social stuff and presents and clothes that are deemed to be because they want them rather than need them. During term time this is generous but in the school holidays feels less so so I encourage them to bear that in mind.

When we began this (xh and I pay half each by DD) it was made clear there would be jobs eg the ironing, mowing the lawn, laundry and ad hoc things as and when they come up. I make sure I find stuff for them and this allowance has been great as a way of getting them into the swing of helping although I remind them that doing stuff is actually part of living here not just for money.

Its worked better than I had even hoped as they now accept their jobs mostly without complaint and manage their money well after a steep learning curve of spending the lot in week one !!

Ideally I would give them less but teenage jobs are like hens teeth here, the paper round is a dead mans shoes situation with a waiting list years long.

DS has an interview with John Lewis for a Christmas job next week and I have everything crossed

[gettingeasier]

mysteryfairy I just saw the end of your post having just taken £10 from DS for beer tonight ... why do you think this is wrong ? Genuine question if I am allowing him controlled drinking why should I pay for it ?

[BackforGood]

mumblechum - I think that must be relative to our family budgets then. Personally, I doubt if I spend £20 a month on myself, so it's not clear to me why I ought to give huge amounts to my dc. Most people go through phases in their life when they have to budget - even if they are lucky enough not to have to later in life - so it seems to make sense to me for teens to learn that they have to work if they want to spend.
Neither of my dc are particularly keen on their jobs, but they both like having the extra money to spend. They are currently in a position where they are just balancing if the extra money is worth the hassle of the job (at present they both think it is). As they become adults, the stakes become higher, but hopefully by then they've got the idea.

[bigTillyMint]

DD is 13 and gets £20 a month, plus her £5 top-up for unlimited texts on her mobile. She is sometimes given money by GP's and has recently done some babysitting. She has to pay for whatever she chooses to do with her friends - shopping/cafe/cinema, etc, but I pay for presents. Buses are free with her zipcard

I think £20 for a 16yo is pretty low (but it obviously depends on what you can afford) and intend to give DD a more substantial amount by that age, paid into her own account so that she can learn how to budget for clothes, presents, going out, etc.

[MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea]

Ds is 13 and gets £15 a month, most of which he doesn't spend.
Dd 16 gets £40 and has to fund coffees, makeup etc.
I buy her clothes .

[mysteryfairy]

Gettingeasier I always feel like it is wrong because I feel like one of those over 18s going into the off license for their younger mates. Also I think shops aren't allowed to sell you alcohol if they suspect you are buying it for a minor to consume. Somehow I don't feel as guilty if no money changes hands!