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Hi
I'm new to this so you will have to bare with me. I have a 14yr old son who between us clash in a very big way and Im just after some advice as to what to do really. We are are so simular we argue about everything. I am a bit over protective of him cause he is my only child and again its my personality as im a worrier.

He is so disrespectful to me, he wont listen, he doesnt do a single thing I ask him to do. In the last 6 months his behavour has affected his school work too. there is not one day that goes past when he talks to me like I'm dirt- purley because I ask him, for the fourth time, to wash his face or clean his teeth. I know my mum has told me to leave him and if he doesnt do these things he will suffer. However I have tried this and it always ends up in an arguement and everything being my fault when in actual fact its me who is looking out for him.

our relationship is also casuing problems between my husband and I who we have been together for 20 years. His attitude is stop argueing with him then all this will stop. He then says he can't handle all of this but yet he isnt getting any of it!! So subseqently we then end up argueing as I say he will get away with this bad behavour and not respect anything or anybody.

Wwe are going around in cirlces and to be honest I am at the end of my tether with the whole situation and have even thought its me and I should go see a doctor.

Any advice whould be gratefully received.

didnt wanna read and run .. not much advice really on boys .. Maryz is the expert, im sure she will be around soon enough

but i do know you need to pick your battles, all the small stuff just let it go, dont argue back with him, Im assuming you have done all the punishments, taking phone, xbox, pc time off him. I know it may seem at the minute that your living in a war zone.. but it does get better

Have you sat down with him and worked out a list of what is important from your perspective and then from his ? agree a few things that he will take care of and try and let the other stuff go. They will drive you nuts otherwise.
Ds was driving me nuts with his dirty washing but after a few weeks of no clean shirts and a chat, we worked out he needed somewhere in his room to put them and got a cheap folding out basket. I only wash what's in the basket. Letting him work out a solution really helped.
It's hard to let them make their own mistakes, but if people tell him his teeth are many they do eventually learn to sort themselves out.
Good luck. They do try their best to wind you up don't they.

I have had a very similar time with my 13 year old DD.
I started thinking that I would rather move out, than have row after row. She even reduced me to tears on Christmas Day, and then blamed me for everything.
I got a book out of the library called Blame my Brain by Nicola Morgan. It's not exactly rocket science, but it did explain some stuff about teenagers brains. Since I've read it, I am not taking it all too seriously, or personally! I am making less of a fuss and she is calmer in return.
It's not all perfect and I'm not letting her get away with everything, but I am calmer and I feel better...and I know one day we'll have both made it out to the other side of teenage life!
If you read half the stuff on this website, you'll see you are not alone!

dont take it so personally. he's a teenager. this too shall pass! pick your arguments. preserve your sanity. in not too many years he will be resposible for himself and he needs to start practising.... present a united front with your dh and prioritise your relationship: he'll be there with you when ds is long gone....

Pick your battles

Hi
Thank you all for your replies. You have confirmed everything I suspected. I have just recently opened up to myself and admitted that I am afraid of him growing up. It scares the life out of me because he doesnt show any common sense. However I know he has to stand on his own two feet and learn by his mistakes.