Mumsnet Talk

Bit long, sorry but don't want to drip feed. Name changed just in case.

My DS (13) was called w***er by the mother of a girl in his class on his way to school on Friday morning. Heard about it following phonecall from senior teacher at school this afternoon, to whom DS reported the incident on Friday.

School have investigated as far as they can and are not aware of any incidents at school or complaints from the girl or her mother about DS's behaviour which may have led to this. Having talked to DS, it appears that there was some foolish BBMing on Thursday evening from him, in which he commented that the music the girl was listening to - which showed on her BBM "status" - was sad and, when she responded in similar vein, he told her to get a life. It would seem therefore that the "abuse" on Friday was a direct result of this.

The BBM comments were foolish because DS had been told over 2 years ago to keep well away from this girl because of an incident between them which the school dealt with at the time, but over which the other mother kicked up a stink - the view of the school was that it was pretty much 50/50 on that occasion. For the few weeks after that incident, DS did mention that the mother had given him threatening stares from her car, but I just told him to ignore and it would pass. All quiet since then until this.

DS seems indignant about the name-calling but also a little afraid. The mother concerned is tall and imposing, and does have a reputation as a bit of a trouble maker. I am slightly afraid of her myself and have heard rumours of threats she has made to others. I have decided I need to drive him to school for the next few days as I am concerned about what else she may do. Am I over-reacting? Or am I under-reacting? (School advised there was nothing further they could do as it involves a parent outside school but that if i wanted to do anything should contact the police). Or is it DS's fault for sending foolish BBMs and he therefore needs to just suck it up?

Have obviously re-emphasised to DS that he must stay well away from the girl, have no contact with her on social media, and not even refer to her to anyone else.

Any views/advice gratefully received.

Well, yes it was 'foolish' as you put it, but not really the crime of the century! He is 13, she is 13, that' what they do!

I don't think there's much you can do, other than tell him to keep away from her. Tell him never, ever to retaliate and eventually, given enough rope, she may well hang herself.

What a shitty situation to be in.

Oh thank you for that - hopefully he will listen to what I have said and take notice. I suppose one slip-up in more than 2 years is not unreasonable!

Any other comments, please? Did wonder whether I should say anything to the mother herself but concerned about what she may say or do....

No, don't say anything to the mother - no good will come from it. Keep your head well down. You've said all the right things to your DS - worth reiterating them from time to time so the message sticks. I think just leave it - there's lots you don't know (the girl may have other stuff going on in her life which caused her mother's reaction to the "get a life" thing).

Do not lower yourself to her level. By the sound of her, it'll end up as a slanging match in the street and DS does not need that.

I think you just have to chalk it up to experience. DS wasn't in the slightest bit rude to her, he was just being a kid. Her mother needs to butt out and let them get on with it.

Agree it's better to keep your head down - do school drop off/pick up if DS wants you to - half term next week (hopefully in your area too) - should take the pressure off.

Thank you for all that sage advice - chimes in with what i felt but needed reinforcement!

Oooh, guess who I just saw at the gym..... that's right, the other mother! Got off the treadmill, turned round and there she was, on the machine behind me. Our eyes met but I had moved on before I twigged who it was, so may have looked like I was deliberately blanking her, although actually wasn't IYSWIM. Anyway, with all your wise advice in my ears, I did/said nothing. Am driving DS to school (ludicrous, as we live literally ten minutes away on the same road) but at least I know she can't say anything more to him for the time being and hopefully will have passed by half-term.

I meant ten minutes walk to school, not drive - driving is about 74 seconds, subject to traffic.....

Good for you! Wouldn't hurt for her to think you ignored her either.