Mumsnet Talk

Where do start, my son has an issue with everything i say, saying its the wrong tone etc. hes very argumentative throwing things when he is angry,swearing at us etc. he has taken to spitting when he is having a tantrum which he says he has to do or he will smash our faces in. I find he gets annoyed with almost everyone about the most trivial things which dont even matter. and the other day he says the smell of my coat made him want to kill himself as it reminded him of a boring Sunday!!! Do you think this is normal behaviour?

No, I think he is either completely over-indulged or he has depression.

This isn't a boy having tantrums - it's aggression from a nearly-grown man.

I wish I could give practical advice but your family probably needs outside help. I would seriously consider depression, and (without wanting to scare you) possible drug issues. He needs to get help control his anger - and by "control", I don't mean telling you what he is doing to stop himself from attacking you .

If you don't suspect drugs or a mental health issue, but really believe that it is a "tantrum", then - I'm sorry - I'd consider calling the police next time he assaults and threatens you, because that's what he's doing.

I would call the police

Thanks for replies, he has not attacked us yet but i would call police if he did, i dont think its drugs(well hopefully) i think i shall try the doctors for depression first. He is having anger management sessions whcih he listens to and says he agrees with most things but justgoes back to his old ways. We had a good coupleof weeks then he gets stressed over something and we start allover again.

Is he at school/college? How is he with his friends?

he is in sixth form year 12 now. he doesnt have many best friends, the main friend of his he does get a bit angry with now and again.He doesnt seem to be able to tolerate most other people, which i worry about as he will end up with no friends at all . It seems to be he wants everything his way or not at all.

My first thought is drugs. My second thought is some kind of personality disorder/mental health issue. I think you have to have a zero tolerance policy on his 'tantrums'. Tell him you'll help in whatever way you can if he'll talk to you, but you won't tolerate that behaviour. And you have to have a consequence, state it and stick to it. But that will be hard. I feel for you.

My ds is 17 will be 18 in May. He went through a nightmare stage being really mouthy and disrespectful last year. He argued EVERY point and was rude and obnoxious all the time It really wore me out and was also v .On one occasion I took his key and asked him to go as we obviously weren't providing the home life required to meet his requirements. He stayed at his mates for 2 nights and it did the trick. He has turned it round massively and I have got my lovely ds back he is still a pita from time to time but teenagers vary on teh rebel o meter and you do have to ride it out if you want an easy life. I don't think my ds will be leaving home any time soon looking at the economy etc and now at least we can live under the same roof and enjoy it. I am glad it never went too far in terms of aggression as I think teh relationship is too important to let it go to that extreme.He is still your son Have you tried just really being honest and loving? (btw am not trying to be patronising just giving suggestions as to what I did)

noddyholder, thanks for post its not patronising i need all the suggestions i can get. I have mentioned to him to move out but he refuses to go.Your situation sounds just like mine , we are worn out at moment with all of it, i hope there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. He can be reallly nice and funny when he wants to be but we are walking on eggshells allof the time wondering what is coming next.

I know exactly where you are. It seemed endless and so out of character. Do you have other children? I don't so was totally shocked when it all happened.We had a few good days but mainly bad. We sat him down a few times etc etc but nothing seemed to work until he left for a day or 2. I thought he would love staying at his mates and felt kind of like he had won but his mates mum told me he sat in silence at the table and was like a fish out of water.Don't be afraid to let him see you cry it is not a weakness it is love and its not always pretty. Hang in there xx

I give everyone this advice.

Don't get emotionally involved, treat him as a rather distant lodger. Don't let him upset you. Walk away and ignore his mood and his attitude. Reply politely to his words.

And call the police if he hits/threatens anyone.

And buy a punchbag.