SHould I move house for husband to be near stepson?

[annebroo]

Hi mums! The situation is.. my toddler and I are very happily settled near some family and friends.
In another part of the country my husband has a 12yr old son from his previous marriage, as contact has been very tricky I have not yet even met him.
We have also had a few marital problems, largely contributed to by my husband not working(and major financial problems too from when we owned a house).
Now my husband wants to move to be nearer his son which I totally understand but it will mean an absolute lifestyle change for my daughter and I, and a big-loss for mostly myself.
We did attempt to move once before but after selling everything and driving there, we couldnt secure a place, after which he deeply assured me that we would never leave where we have settled now. I feel really stuck with what to do. Whether we move or not, my husband says he will not be able to work whilst the court case is happening as we (trully) could not pay for it.
Need some feedback here!
Thanks

[dingdong05]

I feel for you, this is a difficult one.
I do find it odd that you've yet to meet your dh's son though, was he not even at your wedding?!
None of my beeswax I know :0
How far away are they?
If you have lots to be going thru atm, and no work t keep you guys there, then why not suggest he looks for work in your dss area once dh can go back to work?
Depending on what work he (or you) get there they may even help with relocation costs!
That doesn't solve the lack of local support for you though...

[dingdong05]

I wanted to go not :0
sigh

[talkingmongoose]

He's deliberately staying on benefits in order to get legal aid?

And how do you know he'll get his access even if you move?

He is asking a lot of you, IMO.

[Anna8888]

No, you shouldn't move just to allow your DH to be near his son. At the very least, your DH needs to be able to put a decent roof over his own head and to make a valid and ongoing financial contribution to both his children's lives before asking you to take the risk of uprooting yourself like that.

[catzy]

I don't think you should go. If you are having problems now, imagine what it would be like if you didn't have the support around you.

Court battles can take along time to sort out so it may be a long time before you get to meet him anyway.

What are the grounds his ex is not allowing access?

[fizzbuzz]

I agree that you shouldn't move AND, also don't underestimate the importance of close family when you have a small child. It is very very hard on your own without family

[fizzbuzz]

I agree that you shouldn't move AND, also don't underestimate the importance of close family when you have a small child. It is very very hard on your own without family

[Youcannotbeserious]

I DID move to allow DH to be nearer his kids (My DSDs). It's made a world of difference to our relationship and made things much easier for his kids too...

BUT...

1. I didn't live near my family anyway
2. I already knew his kids and had strong relationships with them..
3. It's still tough without my friends close by and, now I'm expecting, I don't have a birth partner as DH works away during the week...

SO, yes, it can work and it can be really positive, but there has to be some clear boundaries - what's his ex going to say / do if you are closer? Is is REALLY going to alliviate the issues you currently experience? How are YOU going to feel being more isolated (and what concessions can / will your DH make?)

I hope you get it sorted!

[ElenorRigby]

DP and I DID move to a large house with a large rental to be nearer his DD for the purpose of impressing CAFCASS and the judge during DP's residency battle for his DD last year. The size of the house was deliberate too, a large three storey victorian place with a big garden to impress CAFCASS also.

However there are other differences from the OP.
*I did not have children settled in school/nursery at the time.
*I had a strong relationship with DP's DD.
*I had a strong relationship with DP (love the guy to bits!)
*We only moved 4 or so miles.

Tricky...
How is your DH's relationship with his son? At 12 he is Gillick competent ie the court would take his views into account.
What do the court proceedings entail, what is your DH looking for, shared residency, a contact order? How long does your DH want contact wise with his DS?
What has been the status quo ie how long has your DH been separated from his ex? What have the living arrangments been for his DS since separation?

[clouded]

What's to stop DH's ex moving on after you've moved? Of course it may be very unlikely that she would - I don't know the circumstances - but at the present time it seems rather risky. Maybe later when contact is sorted out and things are more stable, you could think about it again.