Should DSC acknowledge me for Mothers Day??(14 Posts)
Does anyone else feel "hurt" when they aren't acknowledged on Mothers Day by the step children?? My two dsc live with us full time. DSD sees her Mum for a couple of hours every fortnight but I do ALL the mothering of her. DSS lives with us 24/7 is actually an adult and sees his Mum maybe once a month. I do everything for them a Mum wuld yet get no recognition. Please don't think I do it for the thanks as thats not the case but feel really hurt. Thankfully my own chidlren have spoilt me and I am really pleased but it just feels strange that they don't each year (but my children do for my DH when it is Fathers Day)
I have 2 DSC that do acknowledge me on mothers day buy me gifts ect, and DSS sees his mum once a week for 2 hours and DSD only see her mum when she wants (prob once every 3 months) but i will say that although they dont mean to they do remind me on mothers day that i am NOT there mum and i can get quite emotional about it, espeacialy as 37 weeks preg at moment!! x Thoughts are with you. x
There's a thread about this on AIBU if your interested. Don't know how to link or I would.
i got a stepmum card it made my day and breakfast in bed from my 3.5 dss, if i had not been acknoledged i would of been very upset i may not be the childs mother but i do a lot for the child and it was nice to feel appreciated,step parents are pushed to the side on these days and they shouldnt be as they play a big role in a childs life.x
My DH got me a 'like a mother to me' card from my DSD which to be honest made me cringe! But yes, I totally see your point. You're doing all the Mum's work without any of the recognition.
Personally I've just come to accept that more often than not, that's the stepmother's lot. My DSD made a point of telling me "it's not a Mother's Day card" because she knew her Mum wouldn't like that. You've got to feel for the kid though I guess, especially as if (as in my DSD's case) Mum is not supportive of their relationship with their stepmum.
I never get anything for Mothers day from the DSC and I don't mind at all - I'm not their Mum after all (and I don't think they got her anything either!)
I do get a bit peeved though that I never get any recognition for the things I do for them - its just expected that because I do it for my own I will do it for them too.
And I do get a little tiny bit miffed that I always take them out on Fathers Day/DP's birthday and make sure they get him a present but he never does the same for my kids on Mothers Day. This year they both made their own cards and asked their Dad (my ex) to get me some chocolates but in previous years they have had to get my Mum to help them.
My DSSs don't make me anything for MD. I'm not their mum after all. I have my own DCs to do that for me. I helped DSS go to buy his mum's present, as he needed a lift to get there - I didn't feel any kind of annoyance or that he should be getting something for me too.
But then, my DSSs are lovely kids, they aren't "entitled" or rude or take me and DP (their dad) for granted, like I read a lot of kids on this board do. I do feel I get recognition, so I am lucky - they buy birthday and Xmas presents for me, and their mum bought me a lovely present a couple of years ago, to say thank you for looking after them. So maybe what you're feeling is actually down to a more general feeling of being taken advantage of? Esp if your DSD lives with you pretty much full time.
Flurp, why don't you raise this with your partner? I get irritated that I take my DSs out to buy a card for their dad (my ex), but he doesn't extend the same courtesy to me - but that says more about me than it does about him.... so I am happy on my moral highground!!!!
UC I don't mention it because my dc always manage to
con get someone to do it. They are quite proactive. I just think he should offer and if I told him to, he would, but then that would just because I told him too.
Seeing that written down makes me look like a loon!
That's why I keep quiet - I pick my battles and this seems a bit silly in the grand scheme of things
totally agree Flurp - step parenting is fraut with issues and battlegrounds, so why make another one!! Good for your DCs that they are proactive! It should be them being proactive on mothers' day, not someone else on their behalf really, shouldn't it?!
I know what you mean about it "expected that because I do it for my own I will do it for them too" - I wouldn't really want it any other way, as if it wasn't like that, I would be treating the 4 children in my house differently depending on whose they were, IYSWIM. I do treat my children differently a bit emotionally I guess, my SDCs wouldn't want me to cuddle them in bed or read them bedtime stories, or tell them I love them, but essentially when it comes to food, clothing, help with homework, looking after when sick etc. I try and treat them all the same.
But just sometimes (not necessarily on Mother's Day) wouldn't it be nice for someone to say thanks?
I don't want grovelling but just an acknowledgement would be nice.
I know deep down that DP appreciates what I do but it feels sometimes that the dsc just see me as the maid/cook/laundress.
I got my first mothers day card this year - cried like a baby... DSD was like 'theres no need to cry fairy, it is actually just a card'... PAHAHA - I am 26 pregnant though so am generally an emotional wreck...
I have felt sad in previous years as hadn't been acknowledged, mostly because like you OP my DSD lives here full time, but I think it is just something that comes with time and is very hard for dsc to do as they will naturally have loyalty to their mum...
It's a difficult feeling to voice though isn't it because I think to anyone who wasn't in the situation it would seem unreasonable...
I got a lovely card from DSD this year, and a nice homemade one too. It is really, really nice to be acknowledged. The store-bought card was definitely DH's steering, though - DSD is 7. I think the steering in Tesco probably inspired her to make a second homemade card for me.
OP, if the kids are still young enough to get away with parental steering, maybe drop a hint to your partner next time.
I didn't get anything either but considering my hubby only get from one of his three kids (and that card and box of chocs was snuck over) on Father's Day it would be a lot to expect!
I don't enjoy being given the label of 'step parent' DSD has a mother and I am never going to try to be her or take on that primary role.
I am not at all hurt and I have had this conversation with DSD, I am still me and I am there whenever she needs and I will do everything in my power to be a good role model.
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