What alternative punishment can I suggest to school rather than missing breaks?

[DishwasherDogs]

Under a namechange, I've posted about this before.

Ds cannot cope with missing breaks at school. He comes home and struggles to communicate, is very aggressive, very unhappy and begs me to kill him.

I emailed the senco/HT about 5 times about this last term, to no avail.

Ds's new teacher has been really good so far and ds is generally ok, not terribly happy, but "fine" at school. We've got into a fairly predictable routine of coming home, ds making an hour of noises (sirens, beeping, barking etc) then settling down and being ok until bedtime, which triggers him off again.

Today he was in trouble for something, according to him, that he did because someone pushed him over (not sure, can't get much out of him). He will be missing part of a break tomorrow.

He's been hideous tonight, very reactive, going from over angry to over excited at the blink of an eye, trying to hurt everyone, me, his brothers, the dogs. He hasn't had a full meltdown, but I suspect he'll save that for bedtime.
I've only just managed to get the dc's tea ready, and I've barricaded myself in the kitchen to get some peace!

I dread to think what tomorrow night will be like when he's actually missed the break.

I've told school repeatedly about the impact of this punishment, on him and the rest of the family, but at the same time if he needs to be punished for something, it's not right for me to bail him out, but the school is sticking rigidly to missing part of breaks.

Can anyone think of anything I can suggest as an alternative? (Or if I'm being precious tell me :))

I feel yet another email coming on to school, but how can I word it so that they see that this in unacceptable to put him through this? (Assuming of course that I'm right to tackle it!)

It would be better if, rather than overtly missing break (which teaches him nothing) he's required to help a member of staff with some jobs eg delivering stuff to classrooms. That would at least give him an opportunity to talk about what's upsetting him without feeling punished.

He most likely needs to be moving and needs to feel listened to, in order to manage the next part of the day.

That's a good idea.
I also want to say that he can't have a punishment that isn't immediate, as it hangs over him.

The punishment tomorrow is for several children in the same class, so not sure if I can dictate that ds is treated differently. HT is not keen on that, as ds doesn't have a diagnosis (yet?).

Do you have a garden and a trampoline? Can you get down to a park after school? can you get out and do something physical?

Yes, we have a trampoline, but he has to choose to do it or it's one more demand from me.

At the moment his choice of winding down is making noises, going out on his bike and watching Steve Backshall. For some reason the trampoline isn't in favour at the moment.
I might have some exciting snack ready for him after school and a walk to the river.

I'd go for the snack and walk down the river.

I'd be all for punishments if they actually work, but all they do is make ds hate school more and more.

Tonight sees his first death threat against his new teacher

He's settled down now, after a sob about some boys calling him annoying and weird. I'm inclined to believe him, but he could have been procrastinating.

Should the email paper trail just state what has happened tonight and why, or should I be asking for something to change?

Ok, thanks. Brain dead tonight.
Thank you as well for recommending the chewellery website on another thread, ds has a small collection now and loves them :)

only his first death threat? (ds is digging a hole in the field as a death trap. it might take a while)

(hugs) it stinks. sometimes they have no concept of how much more difficult some children find these things.

He had loads of meticulously drawn plans for the last teacher.
Usually involving guns and TNT.
He's struggling more with other children this term, he likes his teacher, which is good.

We also had issues over this. Infact ds1 ended up being permanently excluded when he had a complete and utter meltdown over a breaktime exclusion. We had used social stories in the past which got him through them but by this point he was so stressed that the change to his routine pushed him completely over the edge. The thing is it may be the same punishment as for the rest of the children but it is not an equivalent punish if the impact is greater on your ds. It is also not worth doing if the punishment increases stress levels as this will create more problems than it solves.

Email sent. I hope I get used to this one day - I feel a wreck every time I send an email! I struggle to get the point across and come across as a pompous arse

I've spoken to ds's teacher.
What happened was that ds was taken out to do some extra maths with the TA and two other boys. Ds was singing and humming, distracting and being rude.
The TA and teacher both felt he was being deliberately naughty, and possibly has a problem with authority.
I have said that he is not being naughty, the fact that he is behaving like that at school (where everything is masked) shows he is extremely stressed. Possibly because there's no warning about these sessions, possibly he feels under pressure doing something he feels very unsure about with two other boys, possibly sensory issues, maybe all of those, I don't know.

I'm having a meeting with the TA and teacher next week hopefully to go through the things that ds does when stressed (singing, humming, is rude) and hopefully come up with a solution.

I really hope they'll understand that he's not doing this on purpose.

So I've sent another email to the HT, and now I really need

The teacher seemed quite pissed off (understandably) that he's put time into preparing an extra lesson which ds ruined.
I wonder if telling ds that put him under more pressure, but I'm really not sure what to say to them.
It's basically my word (ds not naughty) against theirs (being deliberately naughty).

OP go see her and go through his triggers with her.

Tell her to avoid unplanned activities, changing things at the last minute etc etc. Tell her that he isn't being rude, but if X and Y happens, it means he is stressed and that is a red flag for a meltdown. but if she spots it early on, then by doing Z she can potentially avoid these unnecessary scenes.

Tell her to research his condition and not to put him under pressure. It really is her job to manage this situation and she is not doing herself any favours. Let alone treating him as an individual and differentiating properly.

No ds didn't know about it, he was sent off with the other boys at the beginning of the lesson.

We've had a quick chat about it, he hates the TA (quelle surprise ), she tells him off for talking and let's the other boys talk. It sounds to me like he is speaking his mind (they talked so now it's my turn) and she thinks he's being cheeky and rude. To be fair I think he is being rude to her, but he feels that he is being treated unfairly by her so is saying it how it is.

I've noticed that when stressed he feels more under pressure and angry with women, and I wonder if it's a pitch of voice thing - the women that he likes tend to have lower pitched voices. Perhaps I could send in a supply of that gas that makes your voice go deep?

Ds has calmed down now, dh has cheered him up by talking in an Italian accent!