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omg im so upset...what do you think they were suggesting?

(50 Posts)
crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 18:19:13

hi..
My ds is 8 with adhd and aspergers..
Ive been having a lady from 'point 1' come round to help me with anger and anxiety management and over all abit of support...
She has been with us 5/6 times,
and today she said she has some concerns!
She said she has an alarm bell in her head....because last week he told her he didn't like his bed room cause ghosts where in there,and he didn't like the kitchen cause aliens are in there and someone might kill him...he wont go to the loo in case something pops out of it to get him!
and in school he wont use the loo,and he said he dosen't like the doors when there half open in case someone gets him...she was told all of these anxieties last week....
Today she said she was really concerned...she asked was there any trauma in his life? I said no? why? why are you that concerned?
She said its just a little alarm bell going off,that he's too scared! that something has happened for him to feel such anxeities....
That children with anxieties that high have normally had a trauma!
I'm feeling quite upset at the moment....am I reading to deep?
I asked her have we caused it?as we do get angry and frustrated with him...we have spoke about stranger danger to him and wandering off!
he has seen me get upset...i told her he's like a woodpecker going at our heads at times...he's knows we are fed up....
But at the same time we do loads with him....we praise him,take him out,play With him etc....Maybe we are not doing enough??!!
maybe we should never get angry...do I let him away with what he wants?we are strict with our discipline,eat at the table,no sweets only on sundays,he earns pudding etc etc....
what do we do?
Dh asked if i was reading to deep into it?he wasn't with me at the meeting..

porridgeLover Thu 07-Feb-13 18:45:22

I don't know what 'point 1' is. Does it mean she is familiar and experienced with ASD?

I do know that DS (ASD) goes through phases of expressing his general anxiety by being afraid of going upstairs alone at night. Or being scared after over-identifying with a programme (the Richard III thing on C4 has had him scared for the last 2 nights). Or scared of a black hole sucking us all in.

Does that sound more like what is going on for your DS?

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 18:47:55

yes porridge thats similar to ds....if theres a story at school he will over think it and make himself scared!
Or the discovery channel...he will see spiders or whales and next thing you know there coming for him!

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 18:50:17

she told me she has worked with asd before...but really i think she is the first one they put you touch with before CAMHS

Awomansworth Thu 07-Feb-13 18:51:09

Unless she is a trained professional, she isn't qualified to suggest that your ds's anxiety is caused by anything. Even if she were I doubt she would be coming to those conclusions after spending so little time with him.

Can you eplain what point 1 is please.

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 18:53:11

Hi crazy, the first thing that popped into my head was how he is explaining his anxiety, my Dd3 has difficultly in explaining how she is feeling so she appears that she is either happy, sad or cross and not much else. She is completely unable to explain a level of fear so she is either terrified of something or not at all bothered by it.

She is the same with pain, she is either rolling around in agony or fine. This could be for a tiny scratch or a major bump.

I am probably not explaining myself very well but this could be more about the way he explains the fears rather than the actual level of anxiety.

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 18:56:18

Thank you Awoman!
There a point 1..then 2 then 3, 3 been the highest...3 been camhs...
she, the point 1 offer support to families who need it,they run parenting courses aswell..
they can come into the home or school and give guidance.

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 18:58:40

Ineedmore...she asked me to try and get his fears out in to the open...so over a few days i noted down everything he said he was scared of...and i rang her with them...i wish i hadnt!

sickofsocalledexperts Thu 07-Feb-13 19:02:46

Oh how ridiculous of this silly "amateur psychologist" woman. Anxiety goes hand in hand with AS , and indeed many other normally functioning kids with over-active imaginations.

My perfectly NF, grammar school clever Dd, age 12', still asks me to check under the bath for "a tiny vampire" just before she gets in. She also watched Jaws and is now scared of our local swimming pool (someone might be keeping a shark in a tank next door to the pool, and open a door into the deep-end, apparently).

Tell this ignoramus that AS is often co-morbid with anxiety, OCD etc

Childhood trauma, my arse!

Awomansworth Thu 07-Feb-13 19:05:46

Well from your explanation it doesn't sound like she is in any position to be making these assumptions. I would be speaking to her superior.

As Ineed suggest sometimes with ASD the individuals response is sometimes out of kilter with the situation not saying this is the case for your ds though.

My ds had an accident yesterday at school, quite a nasty cut to his knee, yet I only discovered it at bath time, he hadn't complained at school nor to me, it apparently didn't hurt! On the flip side, we can we walking along the pavement and he is visable scared of cars going by often saying that they are going to come onto the pavement and he will be dead!

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 19:08:20

sickofsocalledexperts! love the name by the way!
Thank you...this has really upset me this evening...ive been judging myself since she left and milling over every year of his life...and asking dh what have we done?we are guilty of shouting...and ive tapped his hand twice about a yr ago..he has everything he wants
hes quite spoilt..and maybe some of that is an issue
but i have been told before that high anxiety goes hand in hand...he has the ocd to and sensory...
you have made me feel a whole lot better!!!! xxx

coff33pot Thu 07-Feb-13 19:13:20

Tbh I would say thank you now move me to point 2........

did camhs not diagnose him crazygal? I know down here its them that do it or is he still under assessment x because if he is just tell her straight to get the assessment moving to 3 and have done with.

I cant see what she is getting at. DS does this on and off all the time with a TV programme, he wouldnt go upstairs on his own for weeks after dh let him watch chitty chitty bang bang with the child catcher. So I guess you could say yep he watched a film that traumatised him?

Please dont worry too much as tbh our children are quite often so sensitive that anything can build up anxiety and cause them to be scared x

Awomansworth Thu 07-Feb-13 19:13:51

Ha... we are all agreeing, but sickof puts it far more elequently. grin

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 19:15:44

Oh I see, so you just gave her a list, sorry I thought she asked him.

I think most verbal children with ASD would give a long list of things that frighten them. The world is a scary place when it is noisy, smelly, dark and people say wierd things like "he laughed his head off!!"

Bless him

coff33pot Thu 07-Feb-13 19:19:18

DS is upset today due to him not seeing any rabbits in a field when out. By the time he finished he decided that there were bunny traps in the field and thats why and that the farmer fenced it off (there was a fence) and him and his friend put bunny traps all over the place to catch all the rabbits!

He traumatized himself by his imagination and ideas going over the top see? x

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 19:20:27

Yes i loved sickof post!!!
DH has just said she only seen ds 3 times and us twice...1st time for us to meet her,and second time to set up a caf...
coff33pot the pead dx him...and the last time we seen her i got myself in a state of i cant cope any more! so she suggested sending this 'point1' to our house for extra support and help with ds,as the as diagnosis is quite new,and i didnt know alot about it...

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 19:21:58

omg thank you all!!!

coff33pot Thu 07-Feb-13 19:23:35

Well crazygal I dont think the "point 1" knows much about it and really isnt in a position to suggest such things and then leave you to worry about it x

Its certainly not a professional way to go about it anyhow.

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 19:31:39

Yes true...
I try dam hard with ds...and for someone to come in and say that those anxieties are normally down to a trauma really shocked me! I said to her we went on honeymoon for a week a left him with my mum...she said no....that's not really what I'm talking about. She said its more then that..it's like he scared of life,and the world is scarey,but it's like something has happened to him...I couldn't bring myself to ask what do you mean...I would've cried as I feel guilty about most things,getting him to sit down to eat...read...do teeth...it's all a hard battle,and maybe he can't cope with that? Do I need to lay off him and just let him be?

Arithmeticulous Thu 07-Feb-13 19:33:28

Unless she is a clinical psychologist, I wouldn't start to worry.

My DC1 is just being dx - I thought I was well read but had no idea about anxiety and ASD. I hadn't thought about things being extra scary because of being so literal - thanks for that.

Goodtalkingtoo Thu 07-Feb-13 19:43:51

Hi this sounds exactly like my son and no it's not caused by any trauma he has been through and he's 14, and I too have been in a similar situation.

My son said to his learning support teacher that he saw a boy on the beach that looked like him and was worried it was his evil twin. This caused a great deal of concern, not to me cos I am used to him, but to her.

I am not saying she is wrong I am not familiar with point 1 but in my many years of dealing with my son and the system I have seen many wrong or over exaggerated conclusions being jumped to.

My son builds up unbelievable fears about the end of the world, if he even sees a trailer for a disaster movie then that's it. He takes the idea, builds it in his head till it become a full blown reality. Definately not caused by any trauma but just the way he.

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 19:45:02

She also said she wanted to refer me to a "point3"(camhs) as they would be able to deal with his anxieties better.
I'm feeling anxious about it though as she said she is going to pass her notes and thoughts onto them,this lady from point 1 has also told me she has been made redundant from next week...so I won't be seeing her again.

coff33pot Thu 07-Feb-13 19:55:29

Thats great you wont be seeing her again.

At least you have bypassed 2 and gone to hopefully the professionals that have clinical psychs etc to help with anxiety. Dont worry its not your fault and despite what she puts in the reports they have to assess you fully first and make their own decisions on how best to help your DS. BTW I hope she intends to send you a report copy?

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 19:56:09

Fwiw, I think a referral to camhs could be a good thing. They should be well trained professionals and may be able to help your Ds with his anxieties. Especially if you have concerns over ocd.

Good lucksmile

zzzzz Thu 07-Feb-13 21:07:28

There was a thread a few weeks ago where we discovered just how many of us have children who "are" or have been scared to go to the toilet, upstairs or whatever. I can't imagine why she thinks that is an indication of trauma??

Amateur Psychologists do my head in. Ignore ignore ignore, FFS surely there are enough real issues without inventing subplots.

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