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I have just made ds's SALT cry, more than a little appalled with myself!

(20 Posts)
hazeyjane Thu 10-Jan-13 12:43:27

We had our first trip back to ds's sn nursery this morning after Xmas break. I was dreading it, as the last time we went ds was hysterical after I had left the room and got held up by the SALT. Plus, my friend's little boy has moved up to the preschool room (she normally drives us)...in fact all the children ds's age has moved up to the preschool room. Anyway, we had arranged transport with a local LINK service, but the driver, left the car up the road, so I had to leave ds in the house whilst I lugged the car seat up the road and fitted it. By the time I came back, he was screaming the place down, this carried on for the whole 25 minute journey.

So we get to nursery, and ds will not be put down, and just buries his head in my chest, every time someone talks to him, he screams, and sobs. IT WAS HELL! The SALT came over to talk to me, and discuss the plans for the next 10 weeks ( he will be moving to a preschool in April ), and whether I was going to be able to arrange transport, and, well, I just lost it, completely.

Months worth of pent up frustration came pouring out, and I wasn't my usual tearful self, I was fucking furious. I said I was appalled at the way that the manageress of the centre had referred to ds as a 'controlling little article' and ' a manipulative so and so'. I was frustrated by the fact that in order to access SALT we had to go to the centre, but ds's physio and OT were not allowed to work with them, and angry that no-one at the centre had bothered to discuss with me any plans wrt preschool, or arrange any DISMS, and constantly failed to discuss things with me, and constantly made negative comments about the fact that I can't drive.

And then I said how hard it was to see ds's peers move on, and ds be left behind in the baby room with the 1 year olds, and I admit I may have then had a bit of a lip wobble, and then I looked up and she had 2 fat tears rolling down her cheeks! I felt awful, because she is actually lovely, and I respect her a lot, which is probably why I let such a tsunami of frustration out to her.

I don't know if I can be stripped of goosedom, or awarded some sort of black rotten, uncaring carrot, but I think I may have overstepped the mark.

PolterGoose Thu 10-Jan-13 13:07:18

Well... she won't forget you in a hurry grin

More seriously, you said what needed to be said, the SALT clearly listened and, in all likelihood, she will be a better advocate for your ds as a result. You could phone and ask for an appointment to discuss your 'issues' further, say you'd like to follow up your chat when you feel less emotive or stressed or whatever?

Have some wine or brew and some thanks for now

starfishmummy Thu 10-Jan-13 13:10:17

Oh dear, have a hug.

When you are a calmer give her a ring and try to get everything sorted out.

bialystockandbloom Thu 10-Jan-13 13:10:53

Aw, bless you. Please don't worry. She was probably just crying in sympathy with you. Don't think she or anyone would blame you for letting out frustration. God, we're all only human, and have to put up with so so sooooo much more than any other 'normal' parent - the services/provision/system is the thing that makes it hardest I think, much more than the SN itself. And we have to battle on and on and on, keeping everything unemotional and objective when we're talking about our own children. It is an incredibly hard thing to do.

If anything it's a good thing that a professional sees the human side to it all. She sounds lovely and I'm sure will understand. Just make sure next time you vent to a really awful, up-their-own-arse, useless HCP wink

If it makes you feel any better, I once reduced our SENCO to tears! blush

mariammama Thu 10-Jan-13 13:30:08

Yep, sounds like sympathy tears to me as well.

But if you feel you overstepped the mark, nothing wrong with a box of chocolates and a little card saying what you said here. She can even put it in her annual PREP appraisal file, patient feedback is one of the things they ask for wink

'thank you for listening, I think I went OTT, just needed to get it all off my chest to someone we trust. We really appreciate your help during all this time, hope you knew that already'

mariammama Thu 10-Jan-13 13:31:14

tbh, the tears were probably her own pent-up frustration at working in such a c**p service while still trying to do a good job

bassingtonffrench Thu 10-Jan-13 13:32:35

don't feel bad. it is probably best that you tell it how it is and you have much more to contend with than her. just apologise and move on.

I am also a non driver and I resent the way that service are designed with the assumption that all parents drive/have access to a car.

having said that, although I disagree with car culture generally, it isn't going to change any time soon, would you consider learning to drive long term?

It can be lovely to bump into other non-drivers though! One of the health professionals who came to observe DS in nursery was a fellow non-driver and said she felt like Challenge Anneka going to all the different nurseries she worked with on public transport!

zzzzz Thu 10-Jan-13 13:36:45

Honk

sad I have been vile to Dh today and he is my rock. I will hold the manky carrot and you shall have a little sniff, a brew and feel better.

Honk honk

mynameisnowsonicthehedgehog Thu 10-Jan-13 13:58:02

You know I don't post often... but just had to say to ZZZZZ that you do have a wonderful way with words and have made me laugh out loud with your manky carrot comment!

hazeyjane Thu 10-Jan-13 14:11:25

Thank you all, you have made me feel a lot better. The SALT was great about it all actually, and took me to one side afterwards and said she understood exactly what I meant about the management side of things, and she was angry on my behalf that there had been no meeting to talk about ds's move to preschool. I just felt like a bit of an arse having one of those half civilised, half shrill, whispered rants to her, and then getting lip wobbly and swearing a bit, and then both of us our dabbing tears away. She said afterwards, 'you are a surprisingly....determined woman', which I guess I should take as a compliment!

Zzzzz, you have got a lovely way with words, throw that manly carrot away, and get yourself one of the lovely Lindt chocolate carrots that they have produced for Easter. I saw them the other day, and wished I had the addresses of all the lovely mnsn mums, so that they could get a lovely chocolatey carrot in the post.

hazeyjane Thu 10-Jan-13 14:12:33

Have just read that back - should be 'manky' carrot, not manly carrot!

hazeyjane Thu 10-Jan-13 14:14:33

Oh, and Bassington, I have had several hundred driving lessons, and have taken my test and failed 3 times. I have been thinking about a course of hypnotherapy to get me through the test, because I just turn into a wobbly, sweaty, and on one occasion fainting, wreck when it comes to the test!

zzzzz Thu 10-Jan-13 14:22:32

hazey I failed my driving test lots of times before passing. Like you 'twas nerves, just keep going.

Having a rather pathetic giggle at manky manly carrots....only on mn sn!

I received as part of the most stupendorous Christmas extravaganza of a secret Santa from mn, no less than 7 mini felt carrots. I was going to keep them to go on the tree every year for ever and ever to make it a la moi, but they have escaped and keep appearing in odd and exciting areas of my life (not that odd and exciting keep your goose minds out of the gutter). I feel they are a silent honk and we should all have a few.

bassingtonffrench Thu 10-Jan-13 15:01:33

Oh no! perhaps the additional stress of the driving test is not worth it right now!

good luck with it all. hope next trip to nursery is more positive!

Firsttimer7259 Thu 10-Jan-13 15:37:35

Just had a ginormous laugh hazey - good for you to get it ALL out there for once! Life seems a treadmill of held in frustration at times and I fantasize about doing exactly what you have done.

The centres' comments are appalling - how dare they categorise your son as having behavioral issues in such a flippant unhelpful way instead of dealing proactively with the real and difficult issues he actually does have.

Would ahve been good to blow up at the right person tho. Apologise and mend fences with SALT if you need to. Maybe find a way to get centre to engage better - maybe an advocacy agency can write a strong complaint for you/with you.

Go you determined goose you!!! An Awesomeness Award has been pinned to your chest

hazeyjane Thu 10-Jan-13 16:12:37

Ooh, my goosey feathers feel all fluffed up now!

I hunted through our stash of Christmas chocolates to stuff my pockets with on my walk up to school, in order to cheer myself up. Can I just advise that Polish cherries in liqueur are a bad idea on the school run, unless you want a reputation as the school lush.

zzzzz Thu 10-Jan-13 16:30:53

Cherries in liqueur are NEVER a bad idea.

everynameistaken Thu 10-Jan-13 16:36:57

I never seem have anything articulate to say but...

brew and then later wine although if you've had cherries in liqueur already, you've started early so wine now is fine.

WilsonFrickett Thu 10-Jan-13 16:37:32

I'd rather have a boozy cherry than a manky manly carrot <mind actually boggles>.

I wouldn't worry at all, I think she sounds lovely and that she was empathising with you. I am shock at the manager of an SN preschool calling a child controlling and manipulative. That's just disgusting. And I'm glad you told another HCP about it in a way that made it clear that the words hurt.

To be scrupulously honest though, I'm a weeper so have sniffed into the ears of practically every early years worker in Lothian. I once snotted on a SALTs shoulder.

TICKLETUMBLE Thu 10-Jan-13 16:40:35

dont we all do this at some point? I did it last term, had a major hissing fury conversation with DS TA when I found out DS was being excluded from assembly and his TA time used to baby sit the SN kids together to keep them out of the way so the NTs could have a nice quiet assembly. Poor TA was stunned, and could only say 'i do what the teacher tells me to do'

As it turned out, it was the day Offsted were in so they organised a reconcilliation meeting immediately and said sorry, listened and made changes as agreed...but dont think they are over it yet! Oh well.

You gotta fight for what's right and it can get a bit much sometimes.

HONK!

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