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I WISH I had NEVER done the 'ho ho ho' fib!(52 Posts)
Seemed like such a great idea when they were little. But they are 12 and 13 and refuse to accept that santa isn't real.
I have tried every which way, including last night saying "I lied to you." putting it as baldly as that. - they aren't coping well with that, I have to tell you!
but they say yes, they understand. And in the next breath are talking about santa coming.
how the HELL do I deal with this? Or am I going to be arguing with 30 year old men that santa isn't real?
You can say you wanted to let him down gently.
Although ""FFS! Its Me There is NO SANTA" wasn't very gentle
I have really backed myself into a corner here royally and screwed up
This is why I should ask mumsnet before attempting to do ANYTHING
Oh, it's not your fault. Most children suss it out by now or accept the confession. Are you sure they aren't doing it to piss you off? Not sure if it's something they'd think of.
I bluntly told DS1 (NT) that the tooth fairy didn't exist when, aged about 9, he had 4 teeth out as part of his orthodontic treatment. He stood there with the £5 in his hand looking at me with puppy eyes. With hindsight, I should have handled that one differently.
Could you set aside some time to do it as a kind of lesson? With visuals, and a really basic info thing to learn and understand. I'd be tempted to sit down and teach them that parents pretend for a while and then stop. Set them homework on it? Social story? What would you do if you had a baby? Etc
Could you draw them a cartoon strip? I find with ds1, the way to make things stick in his head is to draw him a cartoon strip, with speech bubbles.
So for yours, I would do a cartoon of the boys at schools, and 'meanwhile, mum is at the shops, buying toys and wrapping paper'. Then a picture of mum and the boys wrapping up the gifts, and putting them under the tree. Then a picture of everyone going to bed on Christmas Eve, and getting up Christmas Day to unwrap the presents under the tree.
Hec, we have ALL made mistakes which, in hindsight, would have been better handled differently.
Could you try the letter idea (am definitely storing that one up for the future!) and if it is queried fudge it along the lines of:
You thought that he would be saddened to think that Santa was no longer interested in him, and so you told him it was you, so that you could get the blame, not Santa. That you will always carry on the job in SAntas place, that is what happens once children reach 13/15/whatever. You were trying to save his feelings by sayi g it was you, and that it was an easier explanation (you thought) bt now see you were wrong. That it is better to know that Santa is still there, but busy working with all the small children, than to think he is not there at all. Do you know any small children that he can. E engaged in 'keeping the secret alive' for? Would having that job (and outlining who needs it to be secret and who doesn't ie adults vs children) work?
On the other hand, try telling him that some people have never believed in Santa, and that it is best talking about him wih a jokey tone, that other people are happy to indulge the joke, but might think it odd if he says he truly believes (since they do not). Then he might be seen as a slightly eccentric teen/young adult rather than really out there - you know, along the lines of an adult who still loves Disney/has a teddy in their bed/loves all the Christmas razzmatazz etc.
At this stage it's mainly the talking to outsiders about Santa which is harmful, the believing in him problem can wait till next year. A 'rule' not to mention Santa outside the family, perhaps?
The wtf look was probably cos the postie thought he was winding him up, probably afraid he was about to become an unwilling youtube star . Am wondering, could the postman tell them the new rule if you explained?
Thanks. Will have a go at all these.
Cross everything for me!
yes, postie could have thought he was taking the piss, I suppose.
Ok uncannily enough (this santa is or isnt is reaching all who read ) DS was in car yesterday and said "is santa real?" <paused, thought, said to ds hang on I am concentrating on driving to sum up what to say next>
I told him that there is a yes and a no to that told him about St Nicholas and that he was the patron saint of fishermen, children and the giver of gifts. Then told him about St Piran our patron saint and how we have St Pirans Day, that there is a St Georges Day etc. So that we have a day where everyone gives gifts to each other to celebrate Christmas and in honour of St Nicholas. That he was then nicknamed Father Christmas or Santa Claus in his memory so to speak and that is how Santa came about.
Then we went home and I showed him on the internet! So he bought that quite easily as it was a satisfactory explanation of what is real and not real but done in memory of?
However DS is a child to needs a satisfactory explanation lol he just wouldnt by the "no hes not real" or he would analyse and give me grief for supposedly lying to him from when he was a baby
After the fact he did say to me "well mum it was the flying reindeers that did it. Everyone knows they cant fly"
"However DS is a child to needs a satisfactory explanation"
I can really relate to this! My eldest will quiz you for HOURS!
Days. Weeks. He'll come back to you with a further question on something you said years ago. "On Friday 8th May 2009 you said..."
He once quizzed his cousin for a VERY long time on how come if he was a <oursurname> his surname was <not our surname> and <oursurname> was his first name.
His cousin. 30 years old and a lawyer. Likened it to a cross examination in court, laughed and suggested that my eldest should become a lawyer
i have just had a car full of 13yr old nt boys, none of them believe in FC, but all of them when quizzing each other where asking "Whats santa bringing you?" Talking about leaving sherry & whisky out etc etc. They were saying it all tongue in cheek but Honestly if one of them had still believed I wouldnt of been able to tell which one!
Coff, it was the flying reindeer thing that busted it for my ds too
I have sympathy HEC our children are from a similar mould
PolterGoose it was that and the fact that he saw a santa sleigh and thought logically how in hell are they going to park on the roof!
My ds2is nearly 16, 6 ft tall and still totally believes.
Had we known when he was small that his autism would mean he would not 'grow out of it' I think we wouldn't have started it... But he has 3 elder siblings who still believed then.
We are stuck.. He won't take any hints, he is excited beyond belief at the thought of Santa coming and will spend all xmas eve tracking him on Norad.
He has moderate learning difficulties and is in special school..so it's fine there, but he also integrates into a mainstream unit and I worry that he will be tormented by other kids if they realise he really does believe.
We have told him Santa stops at 18, then mum and dad do the stockings. Hoping in 3 years it will stop naturally tho I suspect he will still betracking Santa when he is 30:/
Oh god ds is only four and this is the first year he has started to get the idea of Santa. <scraps plans to go to Lapland next year>
Could you get them to help you wrap each others gifts and then on Xmas eve get them to help you put them under the tree for morning? Maybe if they wrap them and put them under the tree and see on Xmas morning that it is only the presents they put there they will accept it?
Oh and FYI expecting a four year old with asd to open one door a day on a Lego advent calendar will result in you ripping open every door on day 6 because you can't bear the thought of 18 more massive tantrums due to the fact that darth maul Santa was not behind the door.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
good points that he might actually be stubbornly holding on to it cos he likes it
and thanks again for more suggestions!
Could you do a project on Santa? Get him to Look up the tradition, read about St Nicolas, etc., commercialisation...then go on to compare it with what happens at Easter, how shops sell chocolate eggs blah blah...
I have loads of stuff to try now, thanks to you all. Between us, we'll crack it. I hope.
As an aside, look on my profile pictures. It's my birthday today and my eldest decided to make me a card...
Happy birthday Hec
I told my dd 13 that Santa wasn't real when she started MS secondary as I too was worried about her being bullied for believing. We didn't know she was ASD then and her brother 2 years younger had figured it out years before. We were worried she would then tell the youngest one (then age 3) but she never did as really she still believes.
She has the knowledge he's not real but still acts like he is but wouldn't tell anybody that he's still real. She still wants to go see Santa and tracks him on NORAD etc. it's a bit like the way she can tell people how to cross a road safely, heck she was the road safety officer at primary, but can't put it in to practice to do it herself!
My youngest is now almost 6 (under assessment for ASD) and he is so observational (tested at age 9 on standardised tests) and very logical that he's more or less figured it out already! He went to see Santa at the school fare when he was 3 and came out and told us who's dad it was dressed up! His own kids hadn't noticed!! We haven't been to see any Santa since as he says what's the point it's just a person dressed up! He pointed out the chimneys were all in the wrong place for santa to get down the fireplace last year!
Hope you get it sorted OP x
Agree that he may just want to believe because he likes it. Man I wish I could still believe in Santa, those were good times. Wouldn't it be nice if Santa did exsist.. There was a lovely post going round Facebook about how to explain to your dc about Santa and how we all become Santa or something but I can't find it now to link Although now I am Santa no such luck in pretending to believe .
Happy Birthday Hec
Couldn't you get a surprise birthday card from Santa explaining that he can no longer visit or something
I do sympathise. Ds is a similar age and if I accidentally mention Santa he rolls his eyes and says 'Mum,I know there's no Santa - it's you and Dad. I just went along with it all those years to humour you'
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