Mumsnet Talk

DS2 is 2.9 yo and has never slept all night. He was a poorly baby, in and out hospital, regular NG tube feeds overnight so there were no sleep rules, we just did what we could in the circumstances to minimise his distress.

He had surgery at 17 months on his stomach and a peg put in. He was immediately more comfortable, we started weaning etc He's now a good, albeit fussy, eater, development has completely caught up, he goes to nursery BUT sleep is still a major issue.

I have to cuddle him to sleep downstairs (only takes a few minutes) then carry him up to bed. On a good night he'll stay there til 11pm, on a bad its half an hour. Then he's up, crying, wanting milk and mostly wanting me. I cuddle back to sleep, put him back in bed and so on. When I'm knackered he just stays in our bed.

We're tried gradual withdrawal, star charts, rapid return but no joy. I just cannot leave him to cry, the sound of him crying sends a shiver down my spine and I cannot leave him. I have on occassion left him when DH is away and I was sorting DS1 who'd wet the bed - he will either cry so hard so fast he's sick or when I pick him up he's shaking and his heart pounding.

He's a wriggler and big and it just doesn't work all 3 of us in a bed together so I'm wondering about moving his bed in with us, right next to me so I can put a hand out or murmur when he stirs.

I'm shattered, after various colds the nights are horrendous at the moment, and I cannot keep it up anymore.

Is this a bad idea though? By moving him in am I giving in, should I be firmer and just clear up puke and put him back (advised by HV)? Is there any other magic solution?!

He has in the past been given sedatives which do work to a certain extent but thats not a long term solution and I can't give them every night.

I only have an 11 week so no experience of toddlers, or the bad results of doing this but my philosophy would be to have him close. He's been through lot, he's still very young and co-sleeping - even if it's using a bedside cot to act as an extension of your bed, can have wonderfully healing effects for both child and parent.

We got a cheap Ikea cot that has one detachable side and two heights - it's designed to see your child into toddlerdom at the lower height but we plan to keep it pushed up against my side of the bed for co-sleeping with DS at least until he's three. My instincts are very much that your DS needs you close right now - people co sleep until their child is 3 or 4 so you might well find after 6 months or a year that he's indicating he wants his own space.

So yes I'd pull his bed next to mine - I just don't think the sick, the anxiety of your DS and strain on you are worth it for the win of some imaginary battle.

Yes it's a very good idea. My ds sleeps in a child's bed pushed right up to our big bed. People may judge you for it, but it really works for us.

What about another bed in DS's room, and then you and DH could take it in turns, means you both get some rest.

Do whatever works!

His room is too small for another bed, we use it as an office too so space is limited....

We had a talk during bathtime about sleeping and he says he just wants mummy and is scared if I'm not there - that's enough for me to know he needs me close so DH is coming home early tomorrow to set a bed up in our room.

Thanks for giving me the backup to know its the right decision, most people in RL look at me like I'm crazy to even consider it!

Poor little fellow. I'd definitely do it. I think you'll all be happier. To those who say you're storing up problems for the future, I say have you ever known an 18 year old that co-slept/slept in their parents room?!

I think we've all been conditioned to sleep on our own, and maybe that's not always best. These are also special circumstances...poor little thing has been through so much. What's x number of months of sleeping all in the same room when you'd get comfort, sleep and everyone happy?

Aww, sounds like the best solution then, poor little thing!

Don't discuss it in real life if your can avoid it!

Whatever works for you is the right thing to do. Ignore those who judge, he's only little and as you say, he's been through a lot. I love sleepy toddler cuddles.

Yep. sounds like a good solution.

Don't get hung up on what other people have decided is the 'right' way to do things. One size does not fit all families. Do what works for you. Do what gets you through. You sound like a great mum responding to your child's needs. it'll all work out and sooner than you know he'll be big and sleeping in his own room and you won't regret having him in with you when he was still so small.

Sounds like the right thing to do, you will all be happier and more well rested. Don't worry about other people's criticisms, they aren't the ones getting up in the night to comfort your LO.

I agree it sounds like the right thing to do.

Could you cuddle him to sleep upstairs so he is at least getting used to falling asleep in his bed?

Hopefully if he's in your room with you he will gradually find the confidence to sleep through then you can reconsider once he is fully settled.

We used to have to sit with dd until she fell asleep. Then she used to get into bed with us during the night. We bought a bigger bed. Now at 3.5 we are just doing staying in the big girl bed.

Do what you have to do for now to get a good nights sleep and make small changes as it suits your family.

We won't do the same with dd2 (once bitten, rod for back, etc.) but our decisions were right at the time and much more easily overcome now she is preparing for school.

Some folks only have the one bedroom- so they do this out of necessity! X