Order in which to tackle the various issues of my 18 mo bf co-sleeper

[whenwillisleepagain]

Exactly one year ago, I took delivery of the NCSS and my 6mo DD was already ok at self-settling. The following week my father became very ill and died and I have simply been in survival mode with DD's sleep since - bf, co-sleeping - because until now I haven't had the energy to tackle the situation. Of course the problem is now that I have an 18mo rather than a 6mo and all the patterns I didn't want her to establish are very firmly fixed. DH and I have made a plan but I'm not sure if we shouldn't tackle it all in one go or stages.

DD is in a cot in our room and starts the night in the cot having been bf pretty much to sleep. She then moves into bed when she wakes up, usually after 3-4 hours. That is her best stretch of the night. I thought that advice is usually to tackle the getting off to sleep issue first, which is what DH and I plan to do - taking it in turns to put her to bed at night. And I was also going to offer her bf at night but make her go back into the cot, then over Xmas, refuse bf 11pm-5am.

By the end of Jan, we hope to have her own room ready for her - no chance till then, DH has to put his stuff in storage and redecoration needed bigtime. All this is also based on fact we have flat with not great soundproofing but all our neighbours tend to be away over Christmas and New Year. So the plan was to get her sleep improved before we move her out of our room and into her own. We also have 5yo DS who has been a good sleeper but has been through rocky patch last 2 months, certainly related to starting school - he's improving but I don't want a shouty DD to disturb him too much.

DD goes to to nursery 3 days per week and sleeps in a cot there, albeit with huge protests unless her keyworker, who she adores, is available.

I'd welcome any advice on my plans. I don't want to stop bf yet but I know that resoluteness and consistency are going to be needed hence not attempted to deal with this before.

Have a look at Dr Jay Gordon. It worked with both ours at around 13 months. Both went on to bf still until almost 2, so it didn't harm that. Took 3 nights tops with ds1, a little longer with ds2.

Not quite the same situation with us, but when I wanted my 9mo DD to stop co-sleeping, we put a double mattress on the floor in the spare room and I fed her off to sleep lying next to her then crept out. I also introduced a cup of formula before bed to ensure she definitely wasn't hungry during the night (never sure how much milk I was giving her while bf).

Within a few weeks she was sleeping through the night, and has done since then. I phased out bf to sleep at around 15mths and just lay next to her in the dark until she dropped off.

I think having her own room will make a big difference to your dd.

I think if you get your DH on board and tackle night-weaning first ("no, it's time to sleep. Mummy is sleeping. You can have some milk in the morning") you could probably get that sorted inside a week, with only two or three properly rough nights. And once you've done that then the night waking will probably reduce massively anyway. Personally I'd concentrate on that rather than the cosleeping and still let her cuddle up in your bed when/if she wakes rather than fight to get her back in her cot; once she's night-weaned and sleeping for longer stretches getting her into her cot for the whole night (if you still want to) will be much easier than if you try that as the first step.

Thanks for this advice. cockadoodle I looked at Jay Gordon once before and liked his philosophy, so have re-looked at him tonight. Tmesis am I right in thinking that putting DD in between me & DH when she comes into bed and then getting him to be firm with her is what you've got in mind? Slight logistical difficulty in that DH is the most unrouseable-from-sleep person I have ever met, but once he gets DD chewing at his chest, perhaps that will make him wake up. LadyM I haven't got space to bring another mattress into our bedroom and I do wonder, agreeing with your point, whether it's only when we move her into her own room that we might really be able to improve things with DD, but I'm keen to see what we can achieve before then, as it's at least 6 weeks away.

I wasn't thinking of trying tonight as DD and DH both have stinking, streaming colds. I think by tomorrow we should all have our strength up ready for action, so I'd better go and warn the neighbours.

Thanks again, it's so good to have other people's experiences to learn from.

just a different pov - my DS was fed to sleep every time until about 18m, co slept after first wake, woke a couple of times a night. I got pg when he was 19m, and soon after we gradually worked out getting him to sleep without being fed (I told him I needed the loo which was no lie - by the time I came back he was asleep!). He understood more and understood I was tired and needed to sleep. By 2ish he was mostly sleeping through the night (then it all went a bit backwards when DD was born, soon got back on track). Suppose what I am saying is you could maybe approach this more gently and cause less stress for yourself

thanks stealth - sounds like your experience was that gently tackling the going off to sleep for the first time in the evening was a good place to start. Think strategy discussion with DH beckons tonight!

Thought I would post, because I have unexpectedly started the night weaning and it's going better than I feared. The unexpected bit came on Tuesday night when DD, who was asleep in her cot, threw up everywhere, and continued to do so. On the basis that having someone sleep in your bed when they are throwing up semi-digested bits of pasta is a no-no, I offered her only water and got her eventually to sleep in her cot with no bf. She kept standing up and was clearly fed up, but not distraught or even ever so upset. She slept from 11-3am, was offered a 2 min bf at 3am and then only water. It took an hour of patting and lying her down but she went off again till after 7. Unheard of. Last night at bedtime, I took her off the boob and put her in her cot well awake, it took over an hour but again got her off with patting her back and keeping her lying down. She slept till 1am and I think I just gave her water at 1am and again at 2am, and she slept till 6. So - unthinkable improvement. She kept asking for mummy but not booby - and now we just have to stick at it. I think she can clearly understand that 'no booby at night time' is the new rule. I'm sure we'll have backwards steps but I am so glad I just got on and started rather than waiting and debating when to start, which is where DH and I had got stuck.

Thanks for all the advice, I never imagined I would tackle going-to-bed and middle of the night feeding in one go, but actually I think it's worked out well.