Mumsnet Talk

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino!

A man walked in to a bar....

OUCH!

What did the hare say to the owl?
Your a hoot

Okay that was naf

Sort of budget-esque, I heard this when I dropped my son off this morning:

Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason

Some of these are funny

I teach cookery at secondary school level. Recently I was demonstrating making scones to a class and had all of the ingredients/equipment/cooking instructions on the board behind me. A student put his hand up and asked me very seriously 'why do we need gas masks, miss?' so I looked at him like this before realising he misread gas mark . He seriously thought part of the practical was me making them wear gas masks <giggles>. It was very hard to keep a straight face!

Ice break jump fail youtu.be/zd7c5tQCs1I
It makes me cry with laughter every time.

I asked Ds1 (2) if he would like a baby brother or sister. He answered "no mummy I want a chocolate frog"

Oh Kate thank you for lovely JeanLuc...sigh.

We live on a farm and our office is in the house too.
Yesterday saw my husband's PA and me chasing three sheep around the garden trying to get them back to their field. The accountant was hanging out of the window in hysterics and shouting instructions.
When we asked her to come and join in, she said it wasn't in her job description.
We were all crying with laughter

I went to B&Q recently and an assistant came up to me and said "Do you want decking?"

I got the first punch in and vowed never to return.

How do you make lady gaga cry?

Poker face.

Watching my Dad kiss DS when he scratched his face today, Dad and I do not really get on but he and DS have a bond and I love it .

Well this is what made me laugh today.

DD makes me happy. <soppy>
Today, a friend texted me to see how i am. I have depression and she usually aviods me so the thought was nice.

It's DD3's 10th birthday today.

DH works away every week - leaves Monday lunchtimes and gets home Saturday evening.

She's been morose for a while that this is the first time she's ever had a birthday without seeing him, especially sad as it's a "spevial one where I finally get to Double Digits."

He fibished his work at 5 this morning, drove 120 miles to surprise her and make her crepes.

Smile?

She nearly burst.

I sobbed.

The jokes are great.
My happy moment today will come when the washing machine arrives. Landlord told me it wasn't essential...
I had been taking our daily clothes to the laundry where they wash, dry and iron them for pennies.
I told him I would buy one and take it out of the rent.
It allegedly arrives this afternoon...

And Chaos, that's a great story. My parents are coming over to us at the end of May.
DD has no idea. I'll collect them from the airport, bring them home and let them knock on the front door.
The last time they surprised her, we were living in Belgium, they'd driven over let themselves in and parked on our front.
DD was incensed at this, run indoors, grabbed her scooter and set off for the police station. She'd run straight past them sitting in the kitchen.

I got to have birthday cake for breakfast yesterday, that certainly made me smile

What is the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

A weasel is weasally recognised and a stoat is stoatally different!

My daughter is 8 months old and woke up with awesome bedhead that made me chuckle when I saw it. Her hair looks like a wave, I think you could surf it. Also, she makes all these cute noises mixed in with her attempts to communicate with us, our favourite is a little growl. She sounds like she's possessed by a demon, adorable!

What's the most muscly mythical creature?

The Fit-Ness Monster
My 9yo DD came up with that this morning.
Today is International Storytelling Day, and the Vernal Equinox. Spring is here!