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Original poster

How common these days - biting, have pulling, light choking, slapping?

19 replies

Lillibarr · 01/05/2022 17:21

Having had a few experiences in the last few years that involved guys doing these things as foreplay...it made me wonder how common this was.

I had a fling the other day and the guy even as we were kissing, started to put his hand firmly on my throat. Which should probably have been a red flag but I actually quite enjoy that (in moderation) so I glossed over it.

Though in the bedroom he was biting and hairpulling too! He stopped when I told him it wasn't my thing amd I never for a second felt at risk or anything but it just made me think - how ludicrous it is that you would do these things during foreplay! Without so much as asking first.

My last ex also put his hand on my throat and would randomly slap my ass hard too. Never crossed his mind to ask permission first. Part of the reason he is an ex obviously.

Both of these people denied watching much in the ways of porn (of course that could be lyìng) And it's just made me wonder how mainstream this is now?

Anyone that's had a few flings in theast few years or a few relationships even noticed a fair amount more of this recently. Like, say of your last 5 sexual partners, how many have behaved this way?

OP posts:

Furrbabymama87 · 01/05/2022 17:46

I've never had this and I've been with quite a lot of men. I consider myself pretty experienced and I've done a lot but never had a man try this. It's not normal for a man to just assume that that's OK as the default. I like a bit of light hair pulling and bum slapping with my husband but nothing more than that and I wouldn't be happy with a casual partner doing that without at least even talking about and agreeing to it first.

Original poster

Lillibarr · 01/05/2022 17:58

I'm sure I remember biters in the past. But just more recently I've noticed the other stuff.

There was a post on here a few months back about a guy putting his hands on a womans throat the first time they had sex you see, and that along with my own recent experiences is making me think things like this might be becoming more commonplace.

Hopefully I've just been unlucky lately and it's not a rampant thing.

OP posts:

Jumpking · 01/05/2022 18:06

More than a handful of new partners in the last 2 years.

None hands on throat.
Two light arse slapping after asking my permission
One light hair pulling after I asked him to
Extremely gentle biting on ears, shoulders, lips from 4 of them without them asking... But I wouldn't have wanted them to ask that one.

Nowt more than that.

Furrbabymama87 · 01/05/2022 18:24

Actually I remember one guy years ago who grabbed my boobs and twisted them which was extremely painful and left me bruised. He was about 19 and I a little younger so I don't know if this was inexperience and he thought I'd like it but he didn't stop when I asked, so maybe it was something more sinister.

Original poster

Lillibarr · 01/05/2022 20:30

Furrbabymama87 · 01/05/2022 18:24

Definitely sounds like he was at the very least, a bit of a dick that's for sure.

OP posts:

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 02/05/2022 02:02

They are more common now because media both social and movies. There has been a fee big movies with it that send alot of girls wild and apps like tiktok many girls list them as their biggest turn ons.

Original poster

Lillibarr · 03/05/2022 10:55

Eee...Well thanks ticktock 🙄

Its always annoyed me that movies don't tend to indicate foreplay thats for sure. But not sure replacing that with various physical violence is an improvement :/

OP posts:

Kitten2 · 03/05/2022 12:06

Yes. I have been casually seeing someone and he smacked my ass really quite hard twice. And pulled my hair back.

Started seeing someone new and the first and only time we had sex he put his hand over my mouth (wasn't being loud particularly) and on my throat lightly at another point. He also sex messages me a lot about 'throat fucking me' wants to hold my head tight and he just goes for it...

So yes, 2/2 recently partners have been a little in to this sort of thing.

StarlightLady · 03/05/2022 13:26

A smack on the bum can help the blood rush to that area which can be beneficial, it must always be with full consent though.

If anyone tried hair pulling or chocking with me they would be straight out the door!

Shunter350 · 03/05/2022 15:53

I'm a bloke ( for reference ) and would never bite, choke etc, even if asked. I couldn't force myself.
A bit of light hair pulling I'm not sure, but a little spanking ( with permission) an absolute yes. Giving and receiving..

Shunter350 · 03/05/2022 16:05

Jumpking · 01/05/2022 18:06

More than a handful of new partners in the last 2 years.

Nowt more than that.

Interesting. I like "nibbling" ears and neck., I always ask first though.

EndersGame · 04/05/2022 21:44

I would never engage in this level of activity without being asked to do so by my partner and then only reluctantly. Its not acceptable and without consent its abusive.

Heartbeats0708 · 05/05/2022 12:03

Experienced all of these except biting with 4 out of 5 last partners.
The difference was they all discussed/asked permission well beforehand, boundaries in place etc. If it was sprung on me I'd be horrified.
The 1/5 didn't watch much porn- I won't say "apparently" as it doesn't bother me either way- so in my small sample I'd say porn could be an influencing factor.

YouAreNotBatman · 05/05/2022 13:03

It’s on the rise, because entitled men and their massive porn habits.
(And misogyny).

amp.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex

StarlightLady · 05/05/2022 13:25

It all goes back to what my mother used to tell sis and I. It was so true. "If it doesn't make you feel nice, don't do it or stop doing it".

Inthesameboatatmo · 09/05/2022 19:41

I've had one guy who asked before we had sex if I minded if he put his hands on my throat. I didn't mind he was gentle and not rough at all. All the other guys we've always discussed likes and dislikes before sex so we could gauge it kind of thing. I don't mind my bum being spanked as such but if they just did it without discussion first I would be pissed off and it would be a red flag.

alittlefickle · 09/05/2022 23:47

I've been raped twice, so...

I hate hair pulling.
I hate being slapped.
I hate a hand around my throat!
I hate any kind of 'violence' during sex, brings back too many memories.

My ex use to pull my hair and slap me... I was too afraid to speak up (because of my past). What made it worse is that he never asked if it was okay, he just did it ...

Don't get me wrong, I love sex, I love 'rough' sex, but not to the point where I feel ANY KIND OF PAIN.

I honestly think porn has a lot to answer for.

Siameasy · 16/05/2022 00:14

Ugh I wouldn’t like these things. By all means be assertive-in a fun way. But I was bitten when I was a teen, even though I said I didn’t like it he carried on🙄

cool4cats2020 · 16/05/2022 21:41

My partner (both in our 40's) likes spanking and light choking. I'm not overly comfortable with it but I go along to keep them happy. Only had a few previous partners, and have never been with anyone who's been into these things before.

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