Threesomes :-/

[Toohotcats]

....anyone care to share their experiences? It's something that has cropped a few times between me and my OH but we have never acted on the idea.

Be very sure that it is something you both want and be very confident about the strength of your relationship as it is a bit of game changer, a bit of fantasy chat is one thing, having another person physically there is quite another. If you are in anyway jealous, insecure, body conscious or have any other chinks in your armour that would make you guilty or upset before, during and afterwards then it is probably not for you.

I have had a few threesomes but that was when I was in casual / fuck buddy relationship so there was little emotional investment, we had a great time.

It's also quite hard, I think speaking from past experiences with ex's, to meet someone who is actually willing to join a couple in a threesome.. It's something me and my ex wanted to do but we just never "found" anyone..!

Tooh

How did you go about finding another person? Via a swinging website? I found there were lots people who talked a good game but when it came to organising a meet they got cold feet!

Yes via a swinging website. I'd say 90% of single "women" are actually men. I think the idea of a threesome is more of a myth than something that can actually happen. Although I've heard stories, which were pretty exciting .. ;-)

It can happen but my god there were a lot of timewasters, we were looking for a bi- curious female to join the fun as my partner at the time was looking to explore that side of her sexuality. We knew it would be hard but not that hard lol We were very lucky and found someone local so we could meet for a casual drink first without the pressure of a huge journey. You are right though, lots of blokes posing as women looking for photos and cheap thrills.

i think anything as long as it's legal and something you both want is fine.
We have just opened up our marriage and looks like something might be happening for dh soon.
I am bi curious and have re connected with an old friend but nothing happening yet, not sure that it will.
It's early days for us yet though so can't advise. For us the internet sites aren't appealing I'd rather it just happen naturally or with a bit of a nudge than trying to find the right people.
Not sure if this helps but a friend told me to live your life like it's already happening and you can give off the right vibe to people. Not sure if it works though.

I've had a few experiences as a single woman.

It is really hard to meet spontaneously and move to that level!

I used a site and had a nice afternoon with two individual people from a website in a hotel (ffm)

However the guy really struggled with stamina for two women, he was a bit older than us and his recovery rate meant that he didn't have PIV with both of us.

I tended to forget the guy tbh, as it was the female experience I enjoyed and that's hard to come by.

There is something amazing about kissing and tasting another woman.

But yes agree you need to be very secure if in a relationship.

I'd do it again but Im not sure I'd want my dp to have PIV with another woman as we have deep feelings for each other, but we had a threesome early in in the relationship as FWB.

We were fine and at the time it was a huge turn on to watch him make her howl

But it was the choice of woman in the ffm. She got really competitive on the evening so it got a little bit embarrassing. I'd told her things I hadn't or didn't do with him and she made it her mission to complete them, asking who was better at certain things etc. (she got very drunk).

The next day she asked if I'd mind her meeting him alone for some time but the evening before he left he'd said he wasn't interested in her and just enjoyed time with me. (Actually hard to believe but it was that night that changed the whole basis of who we were when we realised we had something of a chemistry)

I found out that she'd contacted him before asking me, and was just hanging around to see if he'd say yes, come over. I felt a bit pissed off about that, it was underhand.

From her side though I guess the evening of us both discovering being so into each other must have been a bit hard on her, but we were both very polite and gave her loads of attention and pleasure. However it was something that we really couldn't hide.

I think if I wanted the experience again (and it would be mine, he's happy as we are) I'd suggest we go to a club for a ONS experience. I don't want a relationship or friendship with a woman. Just an experience.

I have only had one which was a MMF situation and tbh it was pretty crap. The guy very obviously didn't find me attractive and barely touched me, he couldn't even sustain a semi :( So basically he just sat there and watched while me and my then-DP had sex It was then excruciatingly awkward afterwards.

I think the mistake we made was inviting him straight round to ours without meeting up with him first (this was via a swinging website). If we'd gone out for a drink with him or something we could have seen he wasn't into it and avoided the whole awkward deal.

I would try it again though, if I could find two dudes who actually wanted to bang me at the same time.

There's a good article about FFM threesomes here
www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-have-a-threeway

I tried it once but only ever did it to please the man and wasn't really turned on by the woman. I think if I ever did it again, I would do it with two men.

I've done it casually (mmf) and it was as much fun as cleaning the floor and the windows simultaneously, but then I only really fancied one of them, and felt bad about the other so paid more attention to the one I didn't fancy. I was also so insecure that when one of them expressed spontaneous appreciation of my body I assumed he was taking the piss.

For me, dirty talk re fictional threesomes is where it's at but if you have a rock solid relationship and are sexually equally confident I can imagine it might do something for you. Seems like a lot of risk involved.

It's something both my wife and I did a bit as youngsters before we'd met and something we did together occasionally in the early years of our relationship, which we then closed to others after a few years. But recently, the topic has come back onto the table, so we might be venturing that way again one day... who knows?

I - nearly - always found them to be terrific fun, it was sex as a sport, not as an expression of loving intimacy, and it seemed like everyone had great times, DW and I used to go out sometimes deliberately intending to find someone to join us. We had rules though; never at our place, always in hotels or the other parties place, use condoms.

As for the ones that weren't so great, two spring to mind. One was with my then gf and another girl - but neither of which was remotely interested in me being there once they got into each other, so I went and watched the telly for a while instead :) The other was after too much alcohol, too many drugs and I was too tired, so Mr Floppy came to visit me, and stayed with me no matter what was tried. :)

Tip; online meets will take ages to arrange and then bail out at short notice, go to a swingers club instead; more choice, more fun, less flaky, a venue already exists, all good. Have fun :)

You didn't hang around to watch the girls then Eekaman? I thought that was most men's idea of heaven?

No, I didn't... in truth I was probably sulking a little at being so completely left out by my then gf, but mainly because it would have been too weird, they were seriously into each other that night.

But me and the gf stayed friends even after splitting up; I even went to her wedding.

I had a ffm last night with my DP and a very old friend. No awkwardness before or after as it had been discussed (friend actually suggested it) beforehand.
He mostly watched but did give us both oral, lots of touching & used his fingers, only PIV with me though as she wasn't entirely comfortable with it, but she did wank him etc.
We spoke about our limits & were very mindful to keep to to these. There were no expectations of anyone. No pressure to actually do anything either.
If everyone has consented & comfortable then I don't see any issue. We had fun & will do it again soon.
I was a wee bit disappointed that he didn't have PIV with her but it was no big deal.
We've been together for 17 years & in a healthy, secure & safe relationship. I think that you need to be confident in the strength of your relationship if playing with your partner.

09157 - sounds like your friend really wanted to go with you, and achieved this by minimum contact with your DP.

Sounds fun!

She had plenty of contact with him caveman, jusy not PIV. She gave him lots of attention, just as he did to her too. No one was, or felt, left out in any way.
Like I said there were no expectations.

I'm not sure my DP would want PIV but on the moment I think I'd like him to...I enjoyed watching it before...over her head. ????????????

WallyBantersJunkBox However the guy really struggled with stamina for two women

Last year my friend turned up with some viagra and we all tried it (all three of us are 50 - mmf). Wow it was fantastic!!!!!! 3-4 hours of fun at the end CaveWoman looked like a road crash she loved it (she loves long sessions, that's part of the reason we do the 3 somes).

Wow sounds like you are really supportive of the needs of your Cavelady!

Wow sounds like you are really supportive of the needs of your Cavelady we are, but it took a couple of goes to learn.

We started a few years ago (4-5) and now partake 2 or 3 times per year. Cavewoman didn't fancy doing it with a random stranger. I have a friend I have known for 40+ years, our sexual paths have crossed many times in our youth (not together or a 3 some though). We are physically similar size (no chance of either being physically intimidated by the other). So I approached him to join.
(I posted this elsewhere), first couple of times we were a bit daft though and acted like we were making a cheap porno. Focusing a simultaneous entry, lots of DP etc (spit roasts). Then Cavewoman explained it was good but wasn't great for her. We realised we needed to focus more on Cavewoman.

This is the advise I would give for a MMF scenario: -

Obviously decide any upfront any "no go's", but you will probably add/modify to these if you progress.

Work out who is the primary focus (if that makes sense). In a MMF scenario I suggest F is the primary focus.

Although we still get our DP and simultaneous action, be comfortable that most of the time it is 1 on 1 action (it doesn't always have to include all 3 people).

Don't drink too much.

Work out what to do with "jizz", friend and I are squeamish of each others "jizz", so our rule is put it in a bag if you are going to come (obviously unless during oral and then notice must be given so Cavewoman can decide what to do).

keep tissues handy.

I suggest you work out positions the woman controls depth and pace of DP. Reverse cowgirl with M sitting high or standing works well for any combination of oral, piv or anal.

Have lots of lube handy.

Learn that one M popping off to make cups of tea mid session is OK

have a laugh

I had a great experience. Several times with the same couple. In fact I recently moved away and think I'll really miss them, it wasn't just meaningless sex. There were no rules but everyone was just basically kind and respectful (though I'm sure they discussed it between themselves beforehand e.g. the boundaries of their open relationship). The feeling of connection and closeness was really special. I don't know why it's not more normal - I bet actually it is, but we just don't speak about it freely enough.

Thanks for this link caveman, that's really useful advice.

I have done several FFMs with 2 couples who I found on a website. Happily for me, single bi women are very much in demand and apparently hard to find, so I was able to "pick and choose" and then enter into chats beforehand to ensure that we actually gelled outside of the bedroom as well. Both couples have become good friends and regularly come to stay with me for a couple of days, or I with them, for ruin and we also go out for meals, dancing, drinks etc as part of the weekend.

For me its like all my christmases coming at once, being with a gorgeous woman and a hot guy at the same time!!

Totally agree you have to agree the ground rules first.

For example, some bi women like to play but dislike going down on another woman. Some women enjoy watching their Dp penetrate another girl, others do not want this to happen, but will allow kissing/touching etc.

Being clear about what you want out of it will enable you to actually realize your fantasy in the way you envisaged it, rather than feeling disappointed and frustrated because what you wanted to act out did not happen on the night.

I had an FFM recently with a friend and a guy she is seeing. It was amazing!
Only thing is my partner is now super keen to have a 3 some with my friend and me. And is pushing me to orchestrate it. Which is awkward.

Soconfused my ffms have been where I was the guest. Did one ffmm with dp and another couple. Not sure I could cope with a ffm with my dp. I would be too insecure. Really happy he wants to do a mmf though. Luckily for me he is more excited by mmf than ffm heh heh