I don't want anymore children but DH does.

[goodbyesunhellomoon]

We've got 2 dc's. I'm a fulltime SAHM and am pretty much coping but I do find it really hard sometimes. Have found the older they get, the easier and more enjoyable I find it.

Before having kids we always said we wanted 3. My DH wants 3. A few of our friends are just having their 3rd and they all say that when their second got to 1yrs old they felt broody and wanted a baby again. But my 2nd is 18 months now and I haven't felt broody AT ALL.

The thought of being pregnant, giving birth and being back in newborn world again just seems so unappealing. I'd rather have a tummy tuck!

I'm not organised enough either I don't think. I don't think I'd be able to get me and 3 kids out the door in the mornings!

I've been really really looking forward to going back to work part time and claiming some of my life back for me.

I agree with DH that sometimes I look at the kids and they look 'incomplete' and that there should be a third, but then as soon as I have that thought, I think 'NO' I really can't face having another one.

Someone once said you only regret the children that you didn't have, and because of my age I can't really hang about for too long on this either so it's really starting to play on my mind now.

If I could have a surrogate, a full time nanny, cleaner, cook and laundry person it'd be a no brainer! But having none of those (not even any grandparents or family nearby) it feels very daunting and PND inducing.

Did anyone out there not want a 3rd or subsequent child, but then went on to have one and really enjoyed it?

Thanks

[Bonsoir]

I think that your feelings about not wanting another one are quite justified.

I have one DD (5) and two DSSs (14, 12). While a part of me would love to have another (or have had, I am getting on!), I know that the idea of pregnancy, giving birth and the whole breastfeeding/newborn thing while simultaneously taking care of DP and three children with very different needs was way too daunting to contemplate. And now DD is older, life is so much easier and fuller than when she was smaller (even though I adored that stage too).

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

A friend recently observed that she didn't want another baby, but wanted another child. The baby years aren't forever, as long as you want another child.

If not, then don't try and talk yourself into it. It's one thing deciding on the number before you've had any...

[ShowOfHands]

I'm in a slightly similar situation, but we only have 1 atm. DH is desperately broody. The idea of another leaves me cold. I enjoy parenting more and more as dd gets older and if I could have another child, 18 months + then it would be different but the idea of pregnancy, labour and the newborn stage is panic-attack inducing.

I'm afraid I don't have the answers. I think I will have to have another one. For dd and for dh. I didn't want just one and actually wanted lots but the reality of the first bit is not something I'm hankering to repeat. The further I get away from nappies and constant bfing, the less I want to return to it.

[goodbyesunhellomoon]

so true ilovemydog - it's one thing thinking you want a large family before you actually start having them!

Showofhands - i'm totally with you there on being left cold at the thought of going through it all over again.

I am quite maternal. I do love my dc very much, but I know my limits. I'm not sure DH understands but thankfully he's not pushing me into anything. I just don't want to regret this later and had worried I was being selfish, but I don't think I am. I think I'm being sensible really.

[FourArms]

Maybe there should be some sort of organisation to help people like this.... I don't really want another child, but I'd love to have more babies. I love being pg, having a teeny newborn, bfing... But actually, I don't think I've got enough headspace for a third child (having two DSs who love and hate each other in equal measures at different times!)

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

surrogacy, four?

[mrsboogie]

how old are you? could you go back to work etc and think again in 5 years' time?

[Tortington]

dont do it =- tell him to get fucked

[jools37]

Nobody should have a child unless they really want one. Having babies that are desparately wanted is hard enough, having one just to please someone else is madness.

If your DH is so desparate for another baby, would he be prepared to be the one to stay at home and do all the caring for your DCs after the birth and let you go out to work and have a whole other life away from them? I am guessing it would be less appealing to him if this were the deal!

I always wanted a big family. My first baby died at birth. I then had two DDs whom I adore. DH and I had talked about another one, but I am the same as you, I find that they are much easier now that they are 4 and 2 and I am getting a bit of time back for myself and I am not sure I want to give it up. I am a 37-year-old SAHM, but I am thinking aboutre-training and going back to work as soon as DD2 starts nursery. I had a very fulfilling career as a lawyer before I had my kids and I miss it sometimes.

Another baby is moot for us at the moment, since DH and I have not slept together since DD2 was conceived, and it would be a terrible idea for us the state our marriage is in at the moment, but even if everything was hunkydory I am not sure I would want another. I have just got my figure back!

If you think you would like a child but not a baby, have you considered trying to adopt a slightly older child?

[verytellytubby]

I've got 3 (DD and DT's so I didn't actually choose to have the 3rd). I find it incredibly demanding, it's very rare all 3 are happy at the same time. It can be expensive (3 lots of shoes, school trips, activities). I find my time is very divided and now I have 3 lots of homework and reading...

It's easy to decide before you have kids you want a set number and when you face the reality you are allowed to change your mind. Keep talking to your DH. My DH wants number 4. Over my dead body!

[diddl]

How do all these people with 3 afford them?

We just can´t afford a 4 bed house.
Are we the only ones?

[InMyLittleHead]

tbh My first reaction was 'Well of course he wants another, he won't have to spend all his time looking after them because she will'. For the majority of the time on a day to day basis you will be caring for them. It's not going to have a dramatic impact on his life but it may well do on yours. If your gut reaction is no, then stick with it.

[diddl]

I agree that if you don´t want one you shouldn´t.

I would hae liked another, but age and finances apart, I had 2 easy pregnancies & births & didn´t want to risk a bad time with two youngsters.

I guess that was selfish, but it shows I didn´t want another badly enough to go through with it!

[rookiemater]

No real advice just to say I'm in a similar position. We have one DS aged 3.5 and had been trying to conceive for ages when due to excruciating period pain it was discovered through surgery that I have Endometriosis.

At the minute we are trying again but my periods are becoming agony again and another cyst has arrived or been there all along. I'm 39 so realistically less fertile when I was before, particularly with only one side working.

I'm reconciled to just having one DC because its getting easier and more enjoyable now and plus I work and struggle to juggle everything and the thought of either having to give up work or try to do that with two of different ages is somewhat chilling. Oh and plus I'd really like not to be in pain 7 days out of every 26-28, but DH is desperate for another DC and feels that me being in pain is bearable because there is a chance of another DC. Easy for him to say when he isn't the one struggling into work with a hot water bottle and maximum prescribed pain killers.

We have agreed that if it hasn't happened by christmas we will give up, but I can't see him keeping to that.

Sorry complete hijack, but its just interesting to see the replies, I feel that DH should have equal say in the matter, but then it isn't his life that will dramatically alter and it isn't his quality of life that is being impacted.

Afraid I don't have a good answer, hope you work it out.

[goodbyesunhellomoon]

it's a real quandry isn't it?

I feel like i'm going back on a promise in a way - even though I had no idea what havings kids was all about when I said I wanted 3.

My gut feeling is 'quit while you're ahead'

[plus3]

I have 2 DC and have days when the idea of another baby is lovely. It's also hard thinking that I will never feel another baby moving inside me, breast feeding or just holding something some small and dependent.

We decided to stop at 2 because we both feel our family was complete with DD arrival. My SIL didn't have that feeling and went on to have number 3.

I have a friend who is desperate for number 3 (and 4!) but her DH is adament that they are stopping at 2. His arguement seems to stem from being hard up as a child, not being able to go on certain trips etc and doesn't want that for his children. They cannot reach an agreement about what to do and it is driving a wedge between then at present.

[clam]

Word of warning: my best friend wanted "just one more" after having had a pigeon pair of one of each.

Number 3 turned out to be twins.

[geordieminx]

Princess Toadstool - I have jsut read your post and its like a lightbulb has suddenly gone on in my head. I feel exactly the same but could never put it into words.

Dh is 45, has 2 dc's by first marriage (18&16), I'm 16 years younger, we have ds who's 2.5.

I sometimes yearn for another one - to make our family "complete", I worry for the future, with the age difference and such like. Dh doesnt want another one, he thinks that he is too old, and that he's been there with the whole newborn stuff. Ds is amazing, but he wasnt an easy baby, and at 2.5 he's still up at the crack of dawn most mornings.

Sometimes I think of how nice it would be to have 2, to have a family, for ds to have a sibling etc etc, and then I think that we are getting onto a level playing field now, that we have the time and money to give ds everything he needs/wants (and a lot more ), and that dynamic would change if we had another one.

God its so hard isnt it? I know that if we do decide to have another one, that we have to agree soon... very soon, otherwise dh thinks that he will be too old. (Not a view that I share, but I understand where he is coming from) - I just wish I had a crystal ball or someone had the answers!