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This is quite long so please be paitent. I have been married for 7.5 yrs and with my husband 15.5 yrs. We have 2 children and another on the way.
We have had our ups and downs but recently more downs.
There has always been something between us. My husband thinks I had a bit of a past before I met him as when I started seeing him I told him all about my past relationships even going into detail. I know now it was a mistake but I thought I wanted him to know all about me. He also thinks that I two timed him while I was at College as I shared a bed with a male friend, nothing happened between us and we were not attracted to each other, thats why we thought it was a good idea. I told my husband as I knew if he heard about it he would get the wrong end of the stick. He went mad at the time but then said he believed what I told him.
Now 14 years on he is bringing it up and telling me what a slut I was and making remarks about keeping my knickers on. When he gets like this he does not care if the kids hear him and I know they will soon understand what he is saying. He appears quite agressive waving his fists about and has grabbed my arm when I tried to walk away leaving a bruise on it.
He can sometimes be aggressive with ds (3) waving his fist and biting his finger (dh's own) while giving out to him. He has never hit him but it is very upsetting.
When things are good they are great he is a great provider and we can go 2 months without a mention of my past. Do you think I am making too much of this
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(22 Posts) |
To answer your last question flowerbag - yes, if he wants to make the change, he can with the right support. I would also suggest that maybe you should look at your own behaviour too - are you perhaps in too much of a habit of giving in to him, or letting him get away with rudeness/lack of respect?
If he's genuinely going to address his behaviour - with support from the GP and hopefully some proper counselling, then this is an opportunity for you to set some new boundaries for your future relationship - where you never again have to defend something you did or didn't do 15 years ago, or be frightened for the safety of your DC.
If he's genuinely going to address his behaviour - with support from the GP and hopefully some proper counselling, then this is an opportunity for you to set some new boundaries for your future relationship - where you never again have to defend something you did or didn't do 15 years ago, or be frightened for the safety of your DC.
What everyone else says plus are you sure he's not cheating on you - it's very common for the cheating partner to try and deflect attention by focusing on the supposed infidelities/past history of a partner.
And yes, you are being abused.
And yes, you are being abused.
Were you both very young, then?
Yes he was a Virgin
Was he a virgin when you got together?
He definately needs a check up from the neck up.
Why the fixation on virginity.
Please get out. He sounds like a jealous nutter to me!
Why the fixation on virginity.
Please get out. He sounds like a jealous nutter to me!
People who want to change can change, those that dont wont, only time will tell.
We've just had a talk and I showed him the posts. He was shocked at everybodys opinion of him because he did think he had a reason to feel the way he did. I think it really brought it home to him how wrong he is when he saw so many different opinions.
Anyway, he says he is really sorry and is going to his GP on Thursday for some advice and help. He said that he never cosidered it abuse but can see now that it is and is disgusted with himself.
My question is do you think its possible for him to change with the right help. I have told him there is nothing between us until he changes and he is moving out until he gets help. I really want our marraige to work
Anyway, he says he is really sorry and is going to his GP on Thursday for some advice and help. He said that he never cosidered it abuse but can see now that it is and is disgusted with himself.
My question is do you think its possible for him to change with the right help. I have told him there is nothing between us until he changes and he is moving out until he gets help. I really want our marraige to work
He sounds barking mad to me - a lie detector test ffs? What on earth is he on? This is in no way your problem but getting him to see it is his problem may be very difficult. Has he been like this for 15 years or has it slowly got worse?
Also, a 'bit of a past' is not being a virgin when you meet your life-partner. A bit of a past is shagging as many men as you can lay your hands on.
Also, a 'bit of a past' is not being a virgin when you meet your life-partner. A bit of a past is shagging as many men as you can lay your hands on.
Goodness me OP. I don't think he needs a hypnotherapist - a psychiatrist possibly...
Did you know he had these extreme views about female sexuality when you entered into a relationship with him? Please tell us if this is a cultural/religious issue too - this might help our understanding.
If those restrictions do not apply - to either of you - I cannot for the life of me see what your past life has got to do with him - and why he puts so much prize on you having been a virgin - was he?
There's enough in your sad posts to suggest that you should consider getting away from this man. I would absolutely hate my children to grow up with these archaic views of women - and to learn that it is acceptable to treat women with such utter contempt.
Did you know he had these extreme views about female sexuality when you entered into a relationship with him? Please tell us if this is a cultural/religious issue too - this might help our understanding.
If those restrictions do not apply - to either of you - I cannot for the life of me see what your past life has got to do with him - and why he puts so much prize on you having been a virgin - was he?
There's enough in your sad posts to suggest that you should consider getting away from this man. I would absolutely hate my children to grow up with these archaic views of women - and to learn that it is acceptable to treat women with such utter contempt.
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