Cut all emotional ties.

Ask him if he wants to come and see the baby. If he does then when he gets here say to him "right I'm going to do XYZ now whilst you spend time with LO." Don't feel like you need to sit with him, make small talk and be nice to him.

Only respond to text messages that are asking about LO. Ignore the rest. If on the phone or at your house he starts to cross the line give him one chance and say stop that else I'm putting the phone down/asking you to leave.

Ring the CSA.

He sounds like a twit, but you need to distance yourself from him otherwise he will keep hurting you. Do you still have any feelings for him?

You won't be worse off if you claim maintenance but he will, as if he is made to give (I think) above £20 a week DWp will keep the rest but he will still have to give it to them. Knob. He can try to fiddle the system but he would be risking a lot as self employed if he started rigging his accounts - then you just shop him, easy.

Soon CSA will stop affecting your benefits at all. Now it is totally disregarded for the purposes of Housing Benefit, and you get £20 a week if you're on IS.

Sounds like a proper knob BTW. At least DD's "father" had the good grace never to darken my door.

Thank you all, had a reasonable night of sleep the LO must have sensed mummy needed it!
He has told me that the CSA payments would affect any benefits I get and as he is self employed he did intimate that he would fix it so I get next to nothing.
I see no reason why the tax payer should pick up the tab so I will start the long trek down the csa path.
Am bf at the moment but will talk to a friend today about getting sometime (an hour would be golden) to myself.
Thanks all for the postive stories, it really does help and makes me realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

The baby is still his child and he should help pay to raise it to give your baby a more comfortable life. If he didn't want a baby he should have used effective contraception. I don't think men do get broody when they see babies they didn't really plan to have, they just panic. He may be a better father as he matures a bit, you both sound very young.
I'd contact the CSA when you're physically and emotionally stronger to get payments sorted out.

tess - if it is any help caring for an LO gets easier the older they get. Blake (DS2) is 13 months now and all the hard work from when he was a newbie is forgotten. If you need some help just ask family for some assistance one day a week possibly?

tess- I have been EXACTLY where you are now. The only difference being is that my ex is besotted with our now 2.7 year old son and always was from the start.

However, we split up very traumatically before I knew I was pregnant. It is a long story that I shan't bore you with but I have coped with my little guy, on my own, since he was born. I also have a daughter aged 10 now.

It has not been easy but it has not been the end of the world either. I promise you this- it WILL get easier. I know this for a fact!

I slept with my ex once a week every week throughout my pregnancy. He would come over to see me. I was confused, hormaonal- like you are now.

STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM. This is crucial. I stopped 3 weeks after my DS was born. Suddenly realised that he was just using me but twisting things to make me feel I was going mad.

Well, there is nowt wrong with my mental health and I feel just fine now. I have the occasional bad day but just like everyone else really. My tip is to kep contact to a minimum, keep it relevant- so no discussing your past relationship- and to take him to CSA NOW!!!

I can be contacted at lilfoxyears at yahoo.co.uk if you ever want to chat.

Chin up.. you'll get by.

Thanks, I think now the penny has dropped, and believe me looking back I cannot believe what a stupid person I was not to see the obvious.
I suspect he is looking for a way out of dc's life and know if I start the discussion about him using me it will end with him huffing and cutting ties with dc - then blaming me when the dc wants to look him up in years to come...keep crying for my poor dc and how anyone can be so awful to a gorgeous little thing like this.

What poshwellies said.

Don't let him use you anymore. Set a definite boundary regarding sex-I wouldn't even hold his hand until you understand his intentions.

Take one thing at a time, one day at a time. You will get through.