You're right Mintyy, I should leave them to it and stop thinking it's my responsibility to sort things out. When my brother was alive there was balance in the family - one of us would have a conversation with our dad or nan, then we could ring the other one up and pick it over in detail, have a laugh, lean on each other. Now he's gone everything feels out of balance; my dad is bottling up all his hurt and anger (not very well), my nan I think is taking refuge in being an old person, and I have no one to talk to when one of them dumps all their issues with the other on me.

Good to know other people have to listen to the same old shit same old from their olds too. mrsboogie, I get the political ranting too, from my dad. It doesn't make for much of a conversation does it?

Every single conversation I've had with my mother since my eldest dc was about 1 y/o (so, more than 7 years) has featured this sentence or something very like it:

"I've been looking in the shops for something to buy dgd/dgs but I never know what to get ... they [meaning children generally] have so many things nowadays".

I understand what you mean cyteen. And although its a shame about your Nan and your Dad, I wonder if you could stop worrying about it so much? You are taking yet more family stress onto your shoulders and it doesn't seem fair on you. Easier said than done, I know.

me too - with my mum. All the same stuff about relatives, the past, how rubbish all the politicians are, my brother's ex and her family and how much she can't stand them...

Yes. I have the same conv with my mother on a weekly basis, about various ungrateful family members... It's hard as she's got a very problematic personality and won't be challenged on her negative views. Plus of course all her slagging-off means I know she's probably doing the same thing about me behind my back with others...

On a separate note, very sorry to hear about your family troubles, cyteen. That sounds very very hard for you.

Yes with MIL!! about H
I just say 'yeah i know, yeah, yeah, well that's it isn't is?.......' She likes to talk about the same thing over and over again so i just let her get on with it

Nowhere near as important as your family issues, but I have the same food related chats with two of my sisters. At least once a week. It is driving me mad.
They are both over weight and keep asking me why I am not. I keep telling them its because they eat too much but they go over the same stuff every time.

I have reached the point of acceptance. They are who they are and I love them dearly. Thats as far as I can help I'm afraid.

I hope you can get this sorted.

Does anyone else find this happening with family members? I spoke to my nan last night for the first time in a little while and our conversation was exactly the same as the last two or three we've had. Aside from all the usual family catch-up business (which is always nice to have since we don't live near each other anymore) we talked about:

- my dad being a workaholic (true)
- my stepmum being a moody cow distant and uncommunicative (also true)
- restless leg syndrome, the causes and treatments

Not to mention the between-the-lines stuff about how sad she is that her relationship with my dad is not as close as it once was.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my nan and have huge respect for her - she's had a very tough life and managed to come through it sane, loving and funny. But it makes me so sad that as she gets older she seems to be losing her spark and I feel like we can't talk openly like we used to, like we never talk about anything 'real', just safe, well-worn topics. It also drives me insane that she and my dad are trapped in this stupid miscommunication web where they both wish they were closer but can't seem to find a way to really get through to each other. Have given up trying to intervene now but it's such a shame - he is her only child and the absolute light of her life, and considering the shit we've all had to deal with over the years (my mum's suicide and then my brother's death from cancer aged 34, mainly) I want so much for them to be able to enjoy each other's company while they have the chance.

Um, went off at a bit of a tangent there What I originally meant to ask was, does anyone else find themselves having the same conversations over and over again (apart from on here ) and how do you deal with it?