Dp has joint custody of his ds, he and his ex have a VERY bitter hatred for each other, if he sets a single toe on her property, she gets her solicitor to send him a letter telling him off, so once or twice he has reversed his car half onto her drive just to p*s her off, then he's shocked when she sends him a txt saying dont put your piece of sht car on my drive again and on and on its goes, he has waved and said hiya mate to his ds when he's being dropped off at school by his mother and she wraps herself round their ds so they cant see each other they are unbelievably petty, and he persistently acts so shocked when she causes trouble, this is how it always is between them, and even her mother gets involved, if she see's me and my dp has forgotten to send something back with his ds when he's with his mum i get an absolute mouthful and all this has been going on LONG before i met him, anyway, he recently after spending months and months telling me how his ex's new partner is a scary nutcase, (and he certainly looks very very scary - lots of peircings, tatoo's etc, and a major reputaion for all kinds of bad stuff) dp got in touch with social services and told them about info he had on his ex's partner and how he had held a knife to his own daughters throat, how he had an email from an ex-school teacher who knew the situation, and she had walked home from school behind dp's ds and this new partner and listened to him calling him little fcker move it you little sht and so on and so on. Social services have investigated things and asessed dp's ds extensively - they have said he is MORE then fine, he is very very happy, settled secure, confident and very bright clever well adjusted little boy, (he is just about to turn 6 by the way) even his school teachers have said he's great, they have no concerns at all about him - brilliant news i think! - dp does not, and after the case worker from social services told us she had no concerns at all and was going to happily close this case he still argues with her about what damage might be done to his ds at 'some point' what about his ex's attitude towards him (my dp), you could tell the poor social worker just thought 'he needs to get a grip' she left and said she would be sending her final report in and that would be that. Dp has been grumpy ever since, he says he thinks she was "abit wet behind the ears and didnt know what she was talking about" he has said since, that he's just waiting for them (his ex and her partner) to 'slip up' etc, he's just not going to be happy until they have done something and then he can take his ex back to court, WHY cant he see that his son is happy (a bloody miracle i think) and that just because they hate each other, doesnt mean his son needs help today my ds and his ds (in the same class at school) had football practice, he isnt due to come to us until tommorow, so his nann was there to pick him up, afterwards he won a little medal and my dp wanted to go over and congratulate him (understandably) but his nanna saw him coming and pulled his ds away and headed for the exit (i expect she just doesnt know how to handle the situation sometimes) and dp just said "err wait please i want to talk to my son" and he quickly hugged and said well done mate to him, and they parted, but when we got home he bitched and moaned about that silly old cow and the way she pulled his ds away from him, its not on, what message is she giving him etc etc. He has gone to work tonight and we have parted with a right old row, ive finally had enough, i have said he knows the outcome of any contact between his ex or her mother when his ds is with them, i know he wants to say hello and well done, but he MUST accept he'll get some kind of 'reaction' if and when he does, he cant have his cake and eat it, he either doesnt go over and speak to him, or he does and expects 'issues' and he cant pace around ranting EVERY single time he does get a reaction, ive had less then a year of this and even i know what reaction he's going to get should he make ANY contact with his ds when he is with his mum or nanna, yet he'll wave at him and say "hiya" in front of his ex (its not what he wants but he could discretley wave and mouth "hiya" when he catches his eye) im so so sick and tired of the episodes, and 'events' that can be avoided if one of them just bloody grew up, he has stormed off to work saying i dont support him and he muttered some inaudible 'somethings' (insults i can assume) as he left. I dont know what im suppsed to support im so fed-up of the constant battles that go on, i, like most people that know the situation, think they all need to bloody grow up and just make things work for their ds's sake . i cant describe how stressed i feel right now, he's so angry at a situation he could have just avoided by waiting til tommorow (when we pick him up) to say well done to his son, if he cant wait then he should expect trouble from 'her side' WTF is so hard to understand about that
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At wits end, please please help/advise :( so sorry if its long :(
7 replies
QueenofVenus · 23/06/2009 20:26
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