Hi I'm new as online forums aren't really my thing but I'm feeling so very low and alone I need to find an outlet for my anguish. So thank you in advance if you take time to read this.
I have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids (10,6 and 2). Both of us have busy demanding jobs. I always thought we had a really strong, happy marriage but that started changing when I fell pregnant with our youngest. My husband wasn't happy, said he didn't want a third child (she was a genuine accident) and wanted me to abort. I couldn't do it. Earlier in our marriage I'd had 4 miscarriages. He knew how devastated I'd been. I couldn't really believe he was asking this of me and carried on through thinking he'd come round. I thought he had, but thinking back that was the point of change. He didn't take paternity leave, returning to work the day after I came home from hospital (c-section). He has never bonded with our youngest, never done a night feed. Over the last two years he has become increasingly detached. He shows zero interest in me and even less in our 3 kids. He gets home from work and goes off and does a workout while I do the whole bedtime routine. He never asked me about my day (if I ever talked about my work he'd shut me down telling me I'm boring), he never complimented me, never asked how I was. I do everything home/ kids related. I have been down, but just got on with it. For better for worse and all that, life is tough but I have always treasured my wonderful, funny children. I realised our relationship had stalled and I've tried time and again to re-kindle it. Taking him to concerts, a surprise weekend to New York for his birthday, surprise gifts. I've had nothing in return. Last week he told me he has been having an affair. He went online dating and found a girl because he feels shut out of our family and needed to feel wanted. He said he was telling me because he has finished his relationship with the girl (this went on for some months) at which point she discovered he was married with kids and she told him she would track me down and tell me. This has devastated me but I said I could deal with his infidelity. What I can't deal with is the underlying cause, which if isn't fixed will not go away. He'll cheat again and we'll both be miserable. I have demanded he has counselling which first off he agreed to but since then he seems to be resigned to it being over and says he's going to leave. I'm heartbroken. I came from a broken home and was so determined my children wouldn't have to deal with that. I'm so angry I can't even look at him. I don't know what to do but think its probably out of my hands anyway. Kids don't know yet - I've not shouted or cried when they've been here.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is there any way back from this?
18 replies
ragdollymama · 14/06/2016 14:24
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.