Sorry for the self pity post. But I'm currently sitting here on my second large glass of wine with big puffy eyes from crying.
This is my third thread. I had a lot of helpful comments regarding my dilemma with my partner with whom I thought was in short, not that in to me.
I explained my worries and long story short, we are no longer an item as if yesterday. I felt empowered at the time, but I wasn't prepared for just how upset is actually be.
I won't lie, I didn't handle it well. In fact, on reflection I may have acted like a bit if a bunny boiler. The fact now remains, that I'm 99.9 % certain I got him all wrong. Even when I was all guns blazing, he remained dignified and reassuring but admitted that with his exams coming up, he doesn't need the added pressure of my insecurities. He did say we could try again once it's calmed Down. But if I'm honest, I don't believe he means that after the way I went at him. I think he was just worried about my wellbeing and wanted to calm me down.
So today, purely because I'm low, feeling unlovable and a failure. I got in touch with an old fling. A man who used me for sex and strung me along. After 5 mins on the phone, the old negative feelings of feeling like a nobody came flooding back. I told him it was a mistake and I shouldn't have called him. What was I thinking? What did I think I'd achieve?
I am fully aware I need counselling. It's on my list and I'll book it tomorrow. I am looking for someone else.- a man to validate me, to love me. Yet I know how pathetic and needy that is. I have beautiful children who love me unconditionally. Why am I still searching for more.
I feel worthless right now. Rejected and foolish for letting the only man who I now believe to be genuine, slip through my fingers. I'm angry that I can just be happy with me.
So I need real support -please. I genuinely can't focus on every day tasks in hand. To be distracted by volunteering would be irresponsible seeing as Imy mind wouldn't be fully on it. But I do need tips on distraction. Please. I'm feeling like I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I've had years of abuse from the father of my children. I never addressed that with counselling. I feel so alone
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Please help me rebuild my life
10 replies
newstartnewthinking · 03/02/2016 21:23
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