Attachment theory

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To cut a very long story short I've had a completely shit childhood think abuse, neglect, drug use, and being in care. I've been reading up on attachment theory. It completely fits me.

I've had a couple of rounds of cbt and I'm currently waiting to start a twelve week intense core therapy course. I will bring this up with the counseller but I'm hoping others have gone through this and have come out the other end.

There has always been something wrong with me, the Web pages describing attachment theory symptoms is me 100%. I could always hug random strangers but never my parents, angry, detached but at the same time seeking approval. I've done hard drugs for the thrill of it and other hard drugs to feel safe and warm. I don't get close to anyone and I was extremely attention seeking with highly sexualised behavior as a teen.

Obviously I have started to see what's wrong with me but has anyone else fixed themselves.

I'm also quite interested in hearing from any foster carers or adopters as I'm sure you would of had training in this.

I'm not looking for sympathy. Any practical ideas and tips for getting over it would help please.

Currently interested in this too, following university course in psychology. My mother was extremley difficult and when she and my father divorced i ended up in a physciatric unit. Always sought approval, low self esteem, emotional blunting and a history of failed relationships. Although i hace not had councelling for this i have found reading and understanding the issue useful. I have an ambivalent style and thank god my DH realised that there was a reason for my behaviour.He is truly supportive and yet gives me space when i need it.

Thanks suchafuss for sharing. Would you consider counselling you should be able to self refer just Google talk therapy. I've found although I was extremely unwilling to start it's started to bring me bring me peace.

I probably should but don't feel ready just yet. I have a friend who is a psychologist and she has recommended ACT which i think i will have a look at. Glad you are finding peace, keep going.

I have looked at this with my therapist. Totally life changing for me. Took years though. Keep going.

You need to find a therapist trained in attachment theory. Unfortunately with all the recent emphasis on CBT, there are many therapists offering perfectly decent therapy but CBT training doesn't touch attachment theory in the depth that you'd need. clinical and counselling psychologists would have a very good understanding of this, as would a psychoanalytic therapist, but provision of these via the NHS is patchy. Privately you may have more success. If you're in London it would be easier. I can give you more specific advice about other therapies that are attachment based but would have to know more about your current difficulties, please pm me if you want to. Good luck. Therapy can definitely help, you just need the right therapist with the right training!

covered My therapist said most cbt therapists are trained to level 2 but she also does level 3 inner core work. I really wouldn't be able to afford private unfortunately so it's just the talk therapy from the NHS.

I have to have another phone assessment before getting the in depth 12 week course. I don't live in London but I do live in a big city. I will ask about psychoanalytic therapy then thank you and have a Google for now to see what that's about.

Level two and level three are CBT training terminologies and have nowt to do with attachment theory. However, any decent therapist with experience should be able to help you. It does sound like you need some trauma work and possibly some longer term attachment based therapy. I doubt you will get the latter on the NHS though unfortunately, unless you live in London or near one of the few decent specialist NHS psychology services in the country.

If you live in a big city you're more likely to be able to access specialist services. However they're often only accessible through CMHTs and therefore require you to be really struggling or quite impaired. Some referral criteria for specialist services specify one or two previous therapies have been attempted unsuccessfully though so if your current attempts don't feel satisfactory (and they may not, as CBT is a brief intervention not designed for longer term, complex trauma) then you may request to be stepped up.

Don't mean to sound gloom and doom it's just the reality of NHS talking therapies!

Op you could look for an integrated therapist,

My core is psychodynamic using a person centred approach, but also able to utilise CBT, Gestalt, solution focussed therapies and the list goes on.

Go on to the BACP website and look for your area.

Good luck

I grew up in foster care and was sexually abused in one place, physically abused in another and by the time I went to my adoptive family at 10 was a complete mess. I had no ideas on how to behave appropriately, no boundaries, no limits and no off-button. I had some counselling at 17 which I lied my way through like an absolute lunatic, the counsellor reported to my parents that I was as sane as you like, that they were the ones with the problem and that they should ease off me.

I finally sorted my head out at 24 when I had DS1. I'd gone to University and fallen into a job without a clue about anything, just because it was the expected thing, got pregnant and realised what a spectacular mess I was, and got my shit together with 3 years of quite intense counselling; it began with 12 weeks of CBT and another 2.5 years of Transactional Analysis. I turned everything around and almost 10 years later am, without being big-headed, one of the most grounded, solid and dependable people you could hope to meet. My DCs are happy and loved, my DH is a great man, we have a lovely home and I have a job in a school that I love, that I'm good at.

It's entirely possible to turn yourself around. It's entirely possible to begin making different choices. The fact that you recognise the negative traits, and want to change them, is a huge step forwards. Huge. Give yourself some credit. And start small with some CBT.