No money for our kids

[Annamaria10]

My husband refuses to give me money to keep our children in our home/life they are used to. Nothing extravagant..just normal brownies\rainbows and their clothes. I have tried to be reasonable, yet resulted in ' no money....no seeing kids' I know this is hursh but what else can I do?

[MadameJulienBaptiste]

Pay Per View children?
Is he your husband or ex husband?

[kittensinmydinner]

What is the situation OP ? Why is he refusing. What are the circus of separation ? Difficult to give advice without more background .

[Ratbagcatbag]

Difficult one without more detail. Is he paying anything at all? And as kittens said what are the circumstances.

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

"' no money....no seeing kids' "

what does this mean? is he not in your home? are you not letting him see the children?

[CluckingBelle]

I wouldn't stop access for lack of financial input, unless lack of input made it impossible to transport the kids to him for example I couldn't afford the train fare.

Have you contacted the CMS?

[Rebecca2014]

Are you separated? Does he pay child support at all?

[MrsParker]

I never received any money off my ex for years but I see it as a separate issue to contact. I think my child has a right to a relationship with her dad whether he pays me or not. I think it's wrong to deprive them of that relationship over money.

[PoundingTheStreets]

I can sympathise because from your perspective it's a case of why should the ex get all the enjoyable parts with none of the responsibility while you're left picking up the pieces. However, from your child's POV all they see is you preventing them from having a meaningful relationship with their father.

In some cases though, I think the government need to wake up to non-payers and realise that parents who consistently fail to pay for reasons other than poverty are often poor parents in general and perhaps this should be reflected in contact/parental responsibility arrangements.

More and more research is beginning to show that inconsistent contact is more damaging than no contact at all. And IME parents who choose not to pay maintenance because they resent doing so/want to use it as a means of control/simply don't prioritise it enough are people who are in that very act demonstrating that they do not have the ability to prioritise that child's needs and act in a responsible manner. Therefore, why should they have the same rights as the parent picking up the pieces? All that this result in is a child messed about by the other parent with the legal system facilitating it rather than protecting the child against it.

OP, if your X wants to play an active role, for your child's sake you should let him. An active role is worth more than the money. There will come a time when she is old enough to realise what he did about maintenance and then he will have her to answer to.

[cestlavielife]

they don't have to go brownies/rainbows. though if you short of money you can speak to brown owl and explain the situation.
as they school age - you can go out to work right?

but it all depends - is he earning 200k and not giving you any? what is the situation?

[googoodolly]

You can't stop them seeing their father because he hasn't paid - that's all sorts of wrong and is punishing the children for his actions.

What's his reasoning for not paying? Is he genuinely struggling for money following the split or is he just being a dick?

[pallasathena]

Why can't he give you any money? You need to give a few more details if you want some help here.

[BathtimeFunkster]

The whole idea of "pay per view children" is the biggest win the MRAs ever got.

Children have a right to two parents, but they need to be protected from parents who refuse to support them and just want to use them as social props.

A father who could pay for his children and doesn't has no right to call himself a father and his children will be better off without him in their lives.

[Offred]

What poundingthestreets said. A really excellent post.