Is it just me? Bit of a rant i'm afraid...

[hippymama1]

Firstly, I should point out that my BMI pre pregnancy was normal, I am healthy, eat well and exercise very regularly. DPs and PIL all have eating disorders / fixations with weight and food - my DPs obsession with it has led to all sorts of problems for me and my siblings and we all have awful self esteem and have had eating disorders in the past.

Over the last couple of weeks, both my DM and MIL have asked me how much weight I have put on during my pregnancy. When I say I don't know, they ask why the midwife hasn't weighed me as they used to weigh everyone and why I am not weighing myself at home, the inference being that I am either being weighed and lying about it, or I just don't want to tell them.

The truthful answer is honestly, I don't know my weight gain, as I haven't weighed myself. I am comfortable with my weight gain so far and don't want to weigh myself either - I am going to put weight on so why stress out about it? I am still exercising regularly, eating well and no-one has mentioned any concerns with my weight at any of my check ups.

AIBU to think that these types of questions are rude, hurtful and inappropriate?

They are usually part of a very negative lecture about what I should be doing when the baby is born, what I am responsible for and what DH is not responsible for with the baby (night feeds etc) and how little weight they both put on when they were PG - one put on half a stone and the other a stone their pregnancies, apparently.

It makes me feel awful - I feel like the positive things I tell them about how well the doctors and medical staff tell me I am getting on are ignored and they are only interested in telling me what I am doing wrong. I will never be good enough a I am not thin enough for a start!

Is it just me?!!

No its not you, its them. What they are asking you is totally inappropriate as well as just plain rude and wrong; its of no surprise to me that their attitudes to food have led to the problems you describe. Reassert yourself here by telling them every single time that the subject is not up for discussion. They will likely get the hump and moan but that is their problem and not yours. It says far more about them if they do that as well.

I would stay away from all of them until they can talk to you at all decently; you would not tolerate this from a friend and family are no different. You do not have to suck it up and put up with their nonsense. You do not also want your as yet unborn child to be exposed at all to such unhealthy attitudes to food; this sort of behaviour can too easily transferred by them to their grandchild.

I would also suggest you post on the Stately Homes thread as well.

I think coming from your own mother and mil, and with the background you describe, these comments are rude, hurtful and inappropriate.

I would be tempted to say you're more interested in remaining healthy and having a healthy baby than whether or not you can still fit into your jeans. Also, ask them why it's so important to them, and remind them that it's not important to you.

What Attila said.

NEEEEEXT!!!!!!

Not to be flippant, OP, but despite the fact that they are behaving quite similarly, doesn't make it any less wrong!!!

I think on the weight thing you need to be very open and say "I'm happy with my weight gain, I don't want to discuss it further and I won't be responding on this topic again" (and stick to it).

In terms of the more general telling you how you're going to do stuff once you have the baby, you also need to start setting some boundaries. This could be very difficult for both you and your DH as you've grown up in this toxic tradition (so posting on the Stately Homes thread is a good idea) and starting practising now.

How rude! It's none of their business and very rude to ask. Why would you tell them even if you knew? Presumably so they had an amount to make a judgement about (to your face or behind your back). YANBU.

Thank you for your responses all... I'm pleased it seems to not just be me being over sensitive or difficult... That's usually what is blamed on if I disagree with any of them! I'll check out the Stately Homes thread too. Thanks again

God how awful! Next time they mention anything I would totally lose the plot at them (can blame preggo hormones down the line if necessary)
The other useful comment is
I can always lose any weight after the birth. You on the other hand will always be a shallow spiteful bitch....

Tell your mother she's a nutcase. That's what I do.

You can't be so rude to your PIL but can completely ignore their comments and say: 'Annnnyway..' & change the subject.