Sorry and explanation from woman with unfaithful husband

[iamsorry]

I don't know if this thread may get pulled, but would you please just leave it up for a couple of days so that posters can read my apology and explanation. Thank you.

I recently thought that my husband was being unfaithful and posted on here to that effect with the username iwashappy. My thread on that is currently suspended. I am not here to start a new thread on that subject but to explain what happened and to apologise for misleading people.

I am not a novelist. The fundamentals of my thread are true, my husband has been unfaithful to me with this woman and the texts are not made up. A large part of my posts on my thread have been me trying to work out what has been going on, how this has changed my thinking of my husband and what I should do now. What I have posted has been entirely true in this aspect. The details of my family and my life have been true minus one or two very minor changes to avoid possibility of identification.

Up to and including the evening when we went to my sisters and my husband supervised my phone call to her it is all true. However, when we went to bed that evening and I feigned a headache so that I could have a quick look at my husband's phone among the couple of innocent texts that I found I also read the remainder of the boots and stockings text and realised that it was highly unlikely to be banter. It is from this point that I misled people. It was honestly not my intention to do so.

When I read the rest of that text I was shocked, I had still hoped that there somehow was an innocent explanation however unlikely that was. I knew then that I would have to speak to him about it, but at that moment I really didn't want to have to face up to what was happening. I thought that if I mentioned what I had found that people would tell me that I really had to speak to him so I bought myself some thinking time and I said that he had put a lock on his phone when he hadn't.

I would have probably just left it that I couldn't unlock his phone but on the Saturday of my Birthday weekend I chanced upon his phone as I had mentioned and saw the text that he loved making her moan and orgasm. I then posted that I knew he had been unfaithful and said that I had seen the rest of the boots and text because I had managed to guess the phone code. He has actually used the dog's year of birth as a passcode before.

I did confront him on the Tuesday and the first part of that was as I described. I mentioned their friendship, then I mentioned the first part of the boots text and he came up with his flirty underwear joke story. When I mentioned the rest of the boots text and the orgasm one he eventually admitted that he had gone around hers. He said that they had ended up in bed, but that they just messed about and didn't have full sex. He said that it was a one off and that was the only time that something physical happened between them. He eventually very reluctantly let me look at his phone and he then had to admit that it wasn't a one off but still swore they hadn't had full sex.

I did ask him to go to his brother's, which he did for a couple of days, but I have let him come home while we see if we can work this out or not. He has been sleeping on the sofa or in my son's room when he is at University.

I have mentioned the possibility of divorce to him and that I am thinking of going to a Solicitor, but I haven't actually been.

To explain myself, I just wanted to buy myself a bit of time before confronting him so I came up with the phone code idea. I never intended to mislead anyone, it just got out of hand. Once I had said it I couldn't take it back without seeing texts on his phone which I hadn't at that point. I never in a million years thought I would get anywhere near the amount of posts I got on my thread and I had people telling me that I was inspiring and I am anything but. I am normally quite strong, but finding out that my husband was probably seeing someone has dented my confidence and self esteem and I felt quite easily swayed to come across like I was dealing with this in an inspiring way rather than the pathetic way in which I was.

I did want to see his phone until I read the rest of the boots text and then I didn't really want to read any more at that point. So the code was good in that respect as well in that I could just say that I had the wrong code rather than having to come up with reasons why I couldn't look at his phone. I didn't get any paperwork together, I didn't get any photos of the texts I just put my head in the sand and hoped it would go away. I knew it made sense to see a Solicitor, but again I just couldn't face going so I made it up. I am so sorry it just seemed easier than to admit that I am effectively letting him get away with this at the moment.

We have told the kids and they have reacted as I have described. I haven't misled anyone about that. "Just" on the phone code and everything related to that, the Solicitor and letting him back home. I am actually a year younger than I have said, purely for identification purposes, but I can claim a Pension where I live next year. I haven't ever said that I am a prude, I don't consider that I am and I certainly haven't been trying to goad people to say that I am. I have only said that dressing up is something that I am not comfortable doing and that I have gone off sex. However bizarre I have appreciated the blunt posts because they are more likely to get me to realise the route I know I should take with my husband.

As I was posting on a situation that was happening I didn't think that people would even think that this could have been made up. I had some comments towards the end of my thread when I realised that people were doubting me. I was therefore not surprised when I received an email from Mumsnet saying that they had suspended my thread as they had had a lot of reports. They apologised and said that my thread had a lot of posts and read like a novel and asking for my thoughts. At this point I wanted to continue with my thread so I didn't mention that the code etc was made up. I explained where I live which would prove the Pension was correct. I didn't see how I could prove that my husband was having an affair so I texted myself from my daughter's phone the content of the boots text conversation, photographed it and doctored it slightly and sent it to prove the texts are genuine. I have not received a reply so I still don't know what is happening with my original thread, but I understand that in the circumstances I can't really continue with it.

I am so sorry that I have misled people, that was never my intention, I just dug myself into a hole and felt totally overwhelmed by the view that people seemed to have of me that I felt I needed to act stronger than I was.

It is only since all the made up threads have appeared that I have realised what an error of judgement I made. I never thought for a second that misleading people on my thread would affect anyone but myself. I had never thought of the consequences of people not trusting what was on the site. I am sincerely distressed that people are not posting on threads and are being distrustful of a lot of them and I am mortified that my misleading people on my thread has played a part in this. I am so sorry, I really didn't think. The advice and support I have had on my thread has been amazing. There has been so much really good advice and I would hate for people to withhold doing this to anyone in future. No matter whether a thread is made up, genuine or genuine with misleading bits I would think there will still be people reading that advice who are in need of it.

I know I have been wrong in misleading people, but I would hate for people to think that I have made it up because I honestly haven't. As I say I don't think it would be appropriate for me to continue in the circumstances but I would like to thank everyone who has been so lovely and supportive to me and thank everyone for the really sound advice that I have been given which I do hope I will be strong enough to act on at some point. Once again I am really sorry.

[theonlygothinthevillage]

I didn't see the first thread. Hope you manage to sort this out. Goof luck

[Katrose]

It's your life. Seriously. Some people are on these boards just for a bit of entertainment and rubbernecking. They're angry because they feel like they didn't get all the gory details. Others are on here to offer support in whatever way suits you. We all mention little things to make sure we aren't publicly identified, and I'm sure OP your intention wasn't to troll or lie. I hope you feel better soon ??????